[Rain Man]

Key things I learned on this trip:

1. Always apply sunscreen below the sock line.

2. Women on beaches will do things that they normally wouldn't do in a million years, like look down, notice that their breasts are positioned funny and grab them and reposition them and move them around and pull open their swimsuit top and reach in and reposition them again and then ask their friends and then their friends will grab them and move them around, all within direct viewing distance of a bug-eyed bald middle-aged guy. Or my personal favorite, decide that they can remove their underwear under their skirt and put a bikini bottom on and not show the world their secret hidden civilization when by definition they have to raise their skirt past the top of the bikini bottom to get it on, thereby exposing themselves completely to any nearby bugeyed bald middle-aged men.

3. It bothers old British people if you ask them what they did in World War II.

4. I can't understand Scottish people at all.

5. If American women all went topless at the beach, it would cause enormous interest for about two days and then no one would think about it any more.

6. If you want to be a ship crewman, it really helps to be from the Philippines.

7. The Black Dahlia was a really bad movie.

8. Caribbean islands are a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there. But if I had to, it would probably be in Grenada.

9. I look fabulous in a tuxedo.

10. I would live on the Queen Mary 2 if I could afford it. Hey, DaFace! Get to work!