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If I Were Scott Baio

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If I Were Scott Baio
I'd hang myself from a tree
Douse myself with sweet crude
And I would light me

I would stab out my eyes
And stick glue in my ears
And cut out my guts
With dull knives and spears

Strap a bomb to my head
And I'd light the fuse
Then I'd eat sixty gallons
Of sharp nails and screws

Then I'd mix up some arsenic
And Creme de Cacao
And I'd drink it all
If I Were Scott Baio

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