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Old 05-09-2008, 02:03 PM   #2
Fire Me Boy! Fire Me Boy! is offline
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Long... but Clayton, just a little note in case you're still editing Nick's work. It's very easy to write confusing passages, and this is one.

Quote:
The Smith County, Kansas native grew up on a working farm, doing whatever chores his parents, Edlean and Kathy Holthus, deemed necessary. It was during those days that Holthus learned his work ethic, according to his father.

“I’m so appreciative that I got to grow up in that environment,” he said. “There was good and bad. The good was that you developed an imagination on the farm. I love sports, neither one of my brothers did, so I was playing imaginary games and broadcasting them in all the sports.”
The natural order of things would be to include a quote from the father here, so having a "he said" in the quote adds to confusion over who said the quote. Might have either re-ordered the passage, or simply used Holthus' name rather than the ambiguous "he".

Just a note, hoping to help you out a little. Please don't take this as an affront to your ability - we all can learn. You're not as far along as you will be five years from now, and I'm not as far along as I will be five years from now.

Take this as constructive criticism.
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