Thread: Chiefs Voice of the Kingdom - Part I
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Old 05-09-2008, 03:15 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fire Me Boy! View Post
Long... but Clayton, just a little note in case you're still editing Nick's work. It's very easy to write confusing passages, and this is one.


The natural order of things would be to include a quote from the father here, so having a "he said" in the quote adds to confusion over who said the quote. Might have either re-ordered the passage, or simply used Holthus' name rather than the ambiguous "he".

Just a note, hoping to help you out a little. Please don't take this as an affront to your ability - we all can learn. You're not as far along as you will be five years from now, and I'm not as far along as I will be five years from now.

Take this as constructive criticism.
Yeah, I think I was paraphrasing. Throwaway quote from dad.
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