[Rain Man]

Side story:

Back when I lived in St. Louis, a friend of mine was looking to buy a house. We were both about 25, and both single, and I like looking at houses, so I went with him to be a second set of eyes.

He had the worst Realtors on the planet, a husband and wife team that had absolutely no interest in him at all. All they wanted to do was sell him a house as fast as possible and make their money. They were horrible, and I kept telling him to fire them, but for some reason he felt like he shouldn't. So we'd go into houses, and you'd see a crack in the foundation with water pouring through it, and they'd say, "Oh, that's not a problem. It's like a fountain." And you'd go into another house and there would be poltergeists flinging axes at you and they'd say, "Once they get used to you, they'll probably stop that." These people were flat-out slimy.

At some point, my friend found a house he liked, and it was a little above his range. They were pushing pushing pushing him to buy it, and he said something like, "I don't think I can even get a loan for that amount, much less make the payments."

The sleazy wife said, "Don't worry about the loan. Just get your friend there to sign for it."

I said, "What?"

She said, "Oh, yeah. You just sign a quit-claim deed, and your friend can get the house."

I said, "I don't think you understand. I'm just tagging along to help him look."

She said, "Don't worry about it. He'll make the payments. You're just signing the loan so he can get approved."

Recall that I was only 25 and didn't know much about this stuff, but even so, that didn't seem like a good idea. I said, "If I sign the loan, I'm presumably responsible for it if he defaults."

She said, "He's your friend. He won't default."

"So I am responsible for it, then."

"Only technically."

This woman proceeded to argue with me that I should sign my friend's MORTGAGE LOAN, and the husband was backing her up. They were so pathetic and dishonest it was laughable.