[DeezNutz]

Originally Posted by Claythan

Braincase's brainwashed kids remind of a dipshit I knew as a youth. His name was Donovan Reed. He was a real grade-A dipshit. We went to the same high school together. Occasionally, at school, I'd drop an F-bomb or a random cuss. I don't even remember at this point.

But I'm sure Donovan does. That's because he actually went to his daddy and told on me. Yep, he went and tattled on poor little 15-year old Claythan. I had been cussing at school, and someone in our congregation was going to know, dammit!

So he told his daddy, who was a "ministerial servant" at our Jemimah's Witnesses church. His daddy had the gall to come up to me at the next meeting and ask me about my horrible transgressions at school.

Being a spineless pussy raised in the grand old Jemimah's Witness tradition, I of course lied and told him no, I had not been swearing. Looking back, if I had possessed an ounce of backbone or self-respect, I would have told Donovan's dad that yes, I swore like a ****ing sailor at school, and if he didn't like it, he could kiss my devil-worshipping ass. And also, that it was none of his ****ing business since he was a glorified magazine-stand clerk/audio slave.

Anyway, good times.

You should focus on having your columns read like the above post. Seriously. It has a distinctive voice and is fun. You could do the same thing in your other work, sans the f-bombs.