Quote:
Originally Posted by Bootlegged
colon cleanse
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Colon Blow and Super Colon Blow
Colon Blow
Man.....Phil Hartman
[ fade in on a man at a table, eating oat bran cereal from a bowl ]
Announcer: Hold it! Is that what you’re having for breakfast?
Man: Sure, haven't you heard? Fiber is really good for you.
Announcer: Well, there's fiber, and then there's high fiber. Try this.
[ offstage hands replace cereal box with Colon Blow cereal box ]
Man: Hmm.. Colon Blow. Sounds delicious. But is it really higher in fiber than my oat bran cereal?
Announcer: Take a guess: How many bowls of your oat bran cereal would it take to equal the fiber content of one bowl of Colon Blow?
Man: Two?
Announcer: Guess again.
Man: Three?
Announcer: A little higher.
Man: Four?
Announcer: Keep trying.
Man: Five?
Announcer: No, you'll have to do better than that.
Man: Seven?
Announcer: Guess again.
Man: Eight?
Announcer: We'll give you one more guess.
Man: Nine.
Announcer: Not even close. [ table starts shaking ] It would take over 30,000 bowls. [ a giant pyramid of cereal bowls shoots up from under the man, who yells in terror as it rises ] To eat that much oat bran, you'd have to eat ten bowls a day, every day for eight and a half years.
Man: [ after the pyramid settles; shouts from afar ] Wow! I think I get the picture! Colon Blow must be the highest fiber cereal on the market!
Announcer: Not any more, now that there's new Super Colon Blow.
Man: Super Colon Blow?
[ pyramid rises even higher with the man screaming ]
Announcer: It would take over two and a half million bowls of your oat bran cereal to equal the fiber content of one bowl of Super Colon Blow.
[ pyramid settles ]
Man: [ overwhelmed ]I'm convinced! [ looks down the pyramid in panic ]
[ cut to close-up of bowl with Colon Blow and Super Colon Blow boxes ]
Jingle: "Colon Blow and you-u-u-u in the morning"
Announcer: Colon Blow and new Super Colon Blow.
Voiceover: Warning: may cause abdominal distention. Consult a physician.