[Rain Man]

Back in the 80s when I first got out of college, there was a triple witching hour of decreased long-distance costs, increased use of 800 numbers, and the rise of phone sex lines. They were kind of a phenomenon for a couple of years. So one night a girlfriend and I saw an ad somewhere and decided to call and check it out.

It was the most pathetic thing I've ever heard. It wasn't live, but rather pre-recorded. I don't remember if we knew that beforehand, but I suspect we did because I don't think we would've had the nerve at that age to call a live line. Anyway, it was some woman with a horrific twangy southern accent reading a book with absolutely no thought whatsoever, just reading line after line like it was a cookbook or something. "Hay put his [censored] in hair [censored] an' yailed 'holy mamma this fells gud' and shay moaned 'yay-us, do mah [censored], bay-bee. Do it rail hard'."

It was not stimulating in any way, shape, or form. In fact, it was really kind of gross and embarrassing, and we hung up within about two minutes, amidst grimaces and looks of disgust.