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I don't think it's a male/female issue. I don't think it's a question of "my wife has to be a subserviant slave" vs. "my wife has to be independent". I think people, in general, need to be fully-formed and functioning and independent personalities. As for the home situation, it's a question of economics: if both people work, they can split the house duties equally; if one works and makes enough to support both, then it's only fair that the one at home take care of that end of things, whether it's the wife OR the husband.
My wife and I both work. At home, we do chores as they come up, depending on our mood. I tend to take care of the cat box and water; she tends to feed them. She does the cooking; I do the dishes.
And I don't think any of it has anything to do with expressing your love and affection for the other person. That can be done in so many ways, from as small as a phone call or note to bigger things like a nice surprise present (which, yes, could include rolling around in baby oil with another woman if that's your gig). I'm sure there are plenty of old-style marriages full of love, and old-style marriages where the housewife is treated like shit; likewise, there are plenty of equal and independent marriages where the people love each other, and ones where they cheat on each other and have little affection, etc.,.
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