[FAX]

Since I have both family and friends that live in Cody, I've spent quite a bit of time in Yellowstone (Cody sits on the Eastern Entrance of the park). One spring we were on a day trip in the park when we spotted a small herd (approximately 8 or 10) of mooses grazing in an open, grassy area (not too far from the lake, as I recall). We watched them from the road for awhile, then I decided to get a better picture so I slowly worked my way closer to the herd by staying in the tree line, well hidden, and downwind. Meanwhile though, a family of about 6 or so Japanese people stopped their little blue car by the side of the road and the Japanese dad guy grabbed his camera and just took off walking straight through the real tall grass toward the herd. He had made it about 80 yards or so when the bull moose decided he was a problem. Over the course of the following few minutes, I learned many things about life and death in the wilderness.

First, I learned that a pissed-off, giant, bull moose can run fast as hell through tall grass (about waist high). In fact, it was absolutely incredible how quickly he closed the distance between him and the Japanese dad guy.

Second, I learned that, not only are they stupid as hell, but Japanese guys are scared to freaking death of charging, pissed-off, giant, bull mooses. (And for good reason, I might add.)

Third, I learned that stupid-ass, Japanese guys can't run worth a tinker's damn through tall grass. Forget about it.

Fourth, after falling on their faces, I learned that Japanese guys can crab walk on all fours pretty damn fast, all things considered. They can't outrace a pissed-off, super-fast, charging, giant, bull moose, but they can crab walk impressively fast all the same.

Fifth, I learned that charging, pissed-off, giant, bull mooses can actually take pity on slow-ass, stupid, Japanese dad guys and they will veer off at the last possible moment to avoid trampling stupid, Japanese dad guys who are trying to crab walk on all fours as fast as possible to get the hell away from a pissed-off, super-fast, charging, giant, bull moose.

Sixth, I learned that Japanese families can scream in ear-splitting, falsetto tones like frightened, panic-stricken babies and real damn loud, too. That applies to all Japanese people; the women, the children, and the men. In fact, the men can scream real damn loud in ear-splitting, falsetto tones like frightened, panic-stricken babies even while crab walking on all fours at top speed.

Seventh, I learned that once a Japanese guy has barely escaped a charging, pissed-off, super-fast, giant, bull moose attack, they will get in their car and drive away from the area real damn fast, too ... and leaving their camera somewhere in the tall grass if necessary.

It's amazing how much you can learn at Yellowstone. It's an educational experience that's second-to-none, really.

FAX