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I got a cell for my son when he was 13 with the understanding that it was mine to do with as I pleased as long as I payed the bill. I would ramdomly ask him for the phone and go through it to see what he was up to. The same applied to his computer (my space, facebook, etc). I would tell him to log on, then go through his messages. I never hid the fact I would be doing this, so if he tried to give me any lip about it I simply told him his options. Either you let me check up on you or there will be no phone or computer (except for homework). If chores were not done, the phone was taken for no less than 1 week.
He's out on his own now so I don't have to worry about it anymore. I would say that you should be honest with her about the situation and tell her how you will be handeling things in the future and most importantly, follow through with whatever the penalty is for not following the rules of the house.
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