[Rain Man]

Here's my take on the pros and cons of the remaining teams.



Detroit Lions

Pros - Not in our conference, have never beaten us in a meaningful game, their ineptness gave us Barry Sanders, cool throwback uniforms, I like saying Ndamukang Suh.

Cons - No excitement for the past 50 years other than Barry Sanders

Houston Texans

Pros - Not a team that threatens us, easy to pass against.

Cons - In our conference, their win last year probably cost us a Super Bowl (maybe)

Jacksonville Jaguars

Pros - Tony Boselli, had that one pass rusher several years back who was fun to watch, John Henderson getting hit in the locker room was entertaining

Cons - Silver-spoon spoiled expansion team that went to AFC championship in second year of existence. In our conference, seem to have beaten us a time or two, and didn't they steal our playoff spot in '96 or thereabouts? Jones-Drew is embarrassing to watch if you expect football players to look like athletes. Mark Brunell thanking God for every three yard gain while God is ravaging Brunell's real estate portfolio.


Seattle Seahawks

Pros - Expansion team back when expansion teams got beaten like a low-performing prostitute, Jeff Bryant interviews were entertaining, former division rival but not any more, are owed a Super Bowl

Cons - Shaun Alexander stole some of Priest's spotlight, former division rival, ruined Derrick Thomas seven-sack game, Dave Krieg had small hands.

Atlanta Falcons

Pros - Fun to watch when they had the four-receiver thing going, have never beaten the Chiefs in a meaningful game, gave us that 8 running touchdown game a while back. Christal Chandelier was a great nickname, liked John Zook and Claude Humphrey, team could play defense once in a while.

Cons - Beat us in that one Gunther game where we mailed it in, Tony Gonzalez shouldn't be a Falcon, gave the Broncos an alleged Super Bowl trophy even though the Broncos cheated but the Falcons should've let the Vikings play that game.


Carolina Panthers

Pros - Lesbian cheerleader story a few years back. Kevin Greene was entertaining to watch. Steve Smith was occasionally entertaining.

Cons - Silver-spoon spoiled expansion team that went to AFC championship in second year of existence. Doesn't appear to have provided any impact to the game of professional football in any way.