[Nightwish]

Okay, some of you may have heard this one before (or some variant), but it's still pretty funny!



After a long life of devoted service to radical Islam, Osama bin Laden died and went to paradise. When he saw the glorious gates of paradise in the distance, he rejoiced and ululated, joyous that he was about to enjoy the eternal reward promised him by the prophet Muhammed.

As he approached the gate, a man stepped out of the mists in front of him, dressed in knee breeches, a tri-cornered hat, and carrying a musket. The man identified himself as George Washington, then proceeded to beat him up one side and down the other with his musket.

As Osama climbed to his knees and tried to get back to his feet, another man, similarly dressed stepped out and pistol-whipped him until he fell into a bloody heap. The man said, "The name's Patrick Henry, and I've only begun to fight!"

Peering up through the blood and pain, Osama saw a long line of people, some of whom he recognized - Henry Clay, William Henry Harrison, Sam Houston, Thomas Jefferson, Robert E. Lee, Meriwether Lewis, James Monroe, Zachary Taylor, Woodrow Wilson, George C. Scott, and a host of others -- all waiting to pound him into a bloody pulp.

To his horror, he watched as his first two assailants walked past the others and took up their places at the end of the line. Realizing that this horror was never going to end, he cried out to God, "But great Allah, I don't understand! I followed the Quran to the letter! I sacrificed the infidels, I gave proper tithes, I prostrated myself to the east each day! This is not the eternal reward that the blessed prophet promised!"

Just then, a booming voice came crashing from the sky all around him. "Nonsense, this is exactly what was promised. I told Muhammed if he was faithful to Islam and sacrificed the infidels, then he would be met by 72 Virginians at the gates of paradise. What the hell did he think I said?"