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Old 04-14-2010, 11:27 PM  
FAX FAX is offline
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FAX And The Lonely Australian Girl
At 1:00 pm, this upcoming Sunday, I am attending a gathering of the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX's entire family. In and of itself, this is not particularly unusual. It is a close family and we get together fairly often for dinners and lunches and the occasional weekend crazy blowout featuring water skiing, martinis, and live bluegrass music. However, the reason for this weekend's event is somewhat unusual.

One of my brothers-in-law has been communicating via the internet thing with a girl from Australia. Apparently, they have texted or whatever they have done with each other and exchanged photographs. Now, this girl is flying to the United States of America in order to spend "time" with the brother-in-law and he is throwing a party for the purpose of introducing this person to his family.

I need some help. First off, I don't know a whole heck of a lot about Australia. I googled up some stuff then brushed my teeth and did an internet search. What I found is that it is a country on the other side of the Earth with kangaroos and strange indigenous persons who (in antiquity) used long spears to kill lizards and protect their cave paintings from aliens.

Second off, this party has every potential to be extremely awkward and I am taking it upon myself to do whatever is necessary (within reason, of course) to make this Australian person feel comfortable so that her relationship with my brother-in-law will flourish. Or, failing that, at least avoid the possibility that she run screaming into the streets.

Any ideas as to how to best impress a girl from Australia who has flown thousands of miles in pursuit of love? All contributions would be appreciated.

FAX THE SOMEWHAT CONCERNED

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Old 04-14-2010, 11:56 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kyle DeLexus View Post
Be sure to say "let's put another shrimp on the barbie!" in a goofy voice then kind of giggle after....great ice breaker.

Edit: The goofy voice should be your pathetic attempt at an Australian accent.
Exactly. That's what I was thinking about the barbecued shrimp thing. Although, I seem to recall an NCIS episode in which the two Australian girls (who witnessed a murder suspect being picked up at a boat dock) called them "prawns". I think they say "prawns on the barbie" maybe.

Oh ... and she's in her thirties. I don't know where in her thirties, though.

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Old 04-14-2010, 11:59 PM   #17
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I have relatives in Australia. Vegemite, Wonder Bread, and meat pie will make her feel at home...
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Old 04-14-2010, 11:59 PM   #18
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what the hell is meat pie?
it's pretty much has same ingredients of a pot pie but it's a made like an actual pie I think I explained that right forgive me if not I never had it myself
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Old 04-15-2010, 12:01 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by FAX View Post
And what the hell is meat pie?

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Old 04-15-2010, 12:03 AM   #20
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Pass on the meat pie. I don't care if it's her favorite or not. There are some things even I won't do.

Vegemite. I think Trader Joe's has that. Good idea. Wonder bread. Is that the same wonder bread we have here in the States? If so, that's easy.

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Old 04-15-2010, 12:04 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by FAX View Post
I'm thinking about barbecuing some shrimp, maybe. I think Australian girls like barbecued shrimp.

FAX
I don't know if they like barbecued shrimp, but if you have shrimp make sure you put it on a barbie. I hear they like that.

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Old 04-15-2010, 12:05 AM   #22
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You could give her a story about how you lived in a pouch of a marsupial back in the day. Or engage her in a friendly debate as to which marsupial is better, a kangaroo or an opussum.
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Old 04-15-2010, 12:05 AM   #23
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Some stuff from wiki


Australia has the greatest number of reptiles of any country, with 755 species.

Nearly three quarters of Australians live in metropolitan cities and coastal areas. The beach is an integral part of the Australian identity.

School attendance is compulsory throughout Australia. In most Australian States, all children receive 11 years of compulsory education, starting from around 5 years of age, then can move on to complete two more years (Years 11 and 12), contributing to an adult literacy rate that is assumed to be 99%. Puts us to shame.

The highest-rating television programs include sports coverage such as the summer Olympic Games, State of Origin, and the grand finals of the National Rugby League and Australian Football League.
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Old 04-15-2010, 12:06 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by acesn8s View Post
You could give her a story about how you lived in a pouch of a marsupial back in the day. Or engage her in a friendly debate as to which marsupial is better, a kangaroo or an opussum.
Great idea. Do they have opossums in Australia? If not, maybe she'd like to see one. I have a live trap thing I could use to capture one of those ugly bastards and bring that to the party along with my rugby ball, boomerang, and wonder bread.

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Old 04-15-2010, 12:09 AM   #25
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Great idea. Do they have opossums in Australia? If not, maybe she'd like to see one. I have a live trap thing I could use to capture one of those ugly bastards and bring that to the party along with my rugby ball, boomerang, and wonder bread.

FAX
Make some opussum pie. Maybe she will like it.
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Old 04-15-2010, 12:10 AM   #26
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That's great, Mr. RippedmyFlesh. I'll just print out a page from wiki.

Jeez, man. I appreciate the help, but she obviously has internet thing skills, otherwise she wouldn't have made contact with my brother-in-law. She probably knows how to look up Australia on the wiki deal already. And showing her the top rated Australian TV shows might not be all that, either. I'm assuming she either has a TV or has seen a TV at some point.

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Old 04-15-2010, 12:11 AM   #27
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Make some opussum pie. Maybe she will like it.
I'm uncertain how the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX would feel about rendering a freaking opossum in our kitchen.

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Old 04-15-2010, 12:11 AM   #28
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You'll have to impress her by letting her watch the water spin the other way down the drain. I hear they love the phenomenon.
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Old 04-15-2010, 12:12 AM   #29
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Make some opussum pie. Maybe she will like it.
Opossum's carrion. Takes several days a feed'n corn fer ya get all the dead taste out of 'em. Prolly not 'nuff time fer the weekend.
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Old 04-15-2010, 12:12 AM   #30
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You'll have to impress her by letting her watch the water spin the other way down the drain. I hear they love the phenomenon.
Excellent idea, Mr. kregger. After introductions, I'll take her right straight into the toilet area.

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