Life FAX And The Lonely Australian Girl - Page 4

FAX · 04-14-2010, 11:27 PM

At 1:00 pm, this upcoming Sunday, I am attending a gathering of the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX's entire family. In and of itself, this is not particularly unusual. It is a close family and we get together fairly often for dinners and lunches and the occasional weekend crazy blowout featuring water skiing, martinis, and live bluegrass music. However, the reason for this weekend's event is somewhat unusual.

One of my brothers-in-law has been communicating via the internet thing with a girl from Australia. Apparently, they have texted or whatever they have done with each other and exchanged photographs. Now, this girl is flying to the United States of America in order to spend "time" with the brother-in-law and he is throwing a party for the purpose of introducing this person to his family.

I need some help. First off, I don't know a whole heck of a lot about Australia. I googled up some stuff then brushed my teeth and did an internet search. What I found is that it is a country on the other side of the Earth with kangaroos and strange indigenous persons who (in antiquity) used long spears to kill lizards and protect their cave paintings from aliens.

Second off, this party has every potential to be extremely awkward and I am taking it upon myself to do whatever is necessary (within reason, of course) to make this Australian person feel comfortable so that her relationship with my brother-in-law will flourish. Or, failing that, at least avoid the possibility that she run screaming into the streets.

Any ideas as to how to best impress a girl from Australia who has flown thousands of miles in pursuit of love? All contributions would be appreciated.

FAX THE SOMEWHAT CONCERNED

Disclaimers: Sorry if repost.

Chiefs4TheWin · 04-15-2010, 01:21 AM

There's not really much difference between them and us. I dunno how her Australian slang is, but that's the hardest to get over when meeting an Australian native.

A weed eater is a "Whipper Snipper" and taking a shower is "Taking a Splash" etc etc etc. just try not to laugh at those hehe.

PornChief · 04-15-2010, 01:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chiefs4TheWin

There's not really much difference between them and us. I dunno how her Australian slang is, but that's the hardest to get over when meeting an Australian native.

A weed eater is a "Whipper Snipper" and taking a shower is "Taking a Splash" etc etc etc. just try not to laugh at those hehe.

well you got 1 from 2 - taking a shower is 'taking a shower'. Taking a splash is having a piss.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaWolf

I have relatives in Australia. Vegemite, Wonder Bread, and meat pie will make her feel at home...

wonder bread? never heard of it.

and we don't drink Fosters, we just sell it to tourists and export it to the dumb and tasteless. fact is, I can't remember seeing anyone drink a Fosters in many years. get her some VB.

Chiefs=Champions · 04-15-2010, 02:03 AM

[QUOTE=PornChief;6675938]well you got 1 from 2 - taking a shower is 'taking a shower'. Taking a splash is having a piss.

QUOTE]

i say taking a slash as having a piss. must be my southern slang...

Chiefs=Champions · 04-15-2010, 02:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PornChief

and we don't drink Fosters, we just sell it to tourists and export it to the dumb and tasteless. fact is, I can't remember seeing anyone drink a Fosters in many years. get her some VB.

Also this

i wouldnt even know were to look for it..

u can keep the VB though. Coopers FTW.

Otter · 04-15-2010, 03:16 AM

Well, I'll share what I know about Australian customs and quirks:

* Tipping is rare and often considered an insult
* Very quick to drop formalities such as "sir" and "mam". Men call other men "mate" as do women address other "women". Opposite sex is by first name
* Being invited to someones house means bringing a gift
* Very talkative, enjoy a good argument
* Do not mix work and play often; golf is golf, not a slightly more relaxing way to discuss business. Save it for the office.

They have opposite seasons than America so maybe you work in something clever on that angle or find out what she always liked about the once good ol' USA and provide her with a related experience.

NewChief · 04-15-2010, 04:58 AM

What area of Australia is she from? That will pretty much dictate her taste in beer. I guarantee she doesn't like Foster's, though. Everyone drank XXXX in N. Queensland, but people in Victoria drink VB. Every region pretty much has their own beer.

As others have said, the shrimp on the barbie thing is usually seen as insulting and stupid by Australians.

Talking about aborigines can be a bad topic of conversation. It's politics, and my wife and I got into a very nasty argument with some of her relatives about it one night. They were going on about how their "blacks" are different from ours and are just worthless and inferior... we basically struggled (with limited success) not to call them racists and my wife ended up leaving the room. It was a conversation we wished we wouldn't have had with them.

Many Australians are very well traveled. She might be the exception, but chances are that she's done some travel before in the past. Most of the ones that I know (admittedly, this was limited to North Queensland... which is like the crazy redneck area of Australia), prize experience over possessions. They work to make money to have experiences and go on vacation... not to acquire nice things.

PhillyChiefFan · 04-15-2010, 05:25 AM

Mr. FAX, do not attempt to give her Foster's.

To them, it is like giving them Milwaukee's Best......Light.

Oz_Chief · 04-15-2010, 05:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FAX

Excellent advice, Mr. GoChiefs. Most excellent.

I seem to recall that they like beer in Australia. I wonder if they prefer warm, dark beer like the Europeans or if they like cold, light beer like the American peoples? Do they drink hard liquor, as well? Wine?

FAX

They make a lot of good wine down there. She might prefer it. But generally they like cold lager.

Foster's is practically nonexistent but a good conversation starter, i.e. "Do you like Foster's?"

Oz_Chief · 04-15-2010, 05:36 AM

I think you should start by focusing on food and drink. Introduce her to your style of BBQ.

Aussie grills are different than ours. They always have a hot metal slab, like a kitchen would use to cook eggs on. Sausages (they call them snaggers or snags) are big down there. Why not offer her some sausage (let the jokes fly) from here?

Ask her if she brought any Tim Tams.

Chocolate is always good. They get a lot of Cadbury's down there. Why not offer her a Hershey's or something.

Ask her if she has ever tried a bud light.

The earlier post was correct: Aussies are typically well-travelled and much more globally aware than we are. You can probably have an entertaining and informed conversation with her about immigration, sport, and health care.

I gotta go to work. Good luck!

Adept Havelock · 04-15-2010, 05:43 AM

Australia? All I know about it is if the world ends, Ava Gardner will be hanging out in Melbourne.

Adept Havelock · 04-15-2010, 05:47 AM

That, and Australian Philosophy teachers are some interesting people.

**Fire Me Boy!** · 04-15-2010, 05:48 AM

Mr. FAX, not to fan the flames of your concern, but I just wanted to remind you that Australia was once a prison colony. I sincerely hope she's not a serial killer. And going along with the probability that she herself is not a serial killer, you must consider that she comes from serial killer genes, and perhaps her serial killer grandfather and serial killer grandmother met in Australia. That's a whole lot of serial killer genes. And I don't know a lot about serial killer genes, but what if they're dormant until something wakes them up? So this beautiful, lonely Australian girl is normal one second, getting ready for work in the morning and there's no milk for her cereal, and she kills her husband (your brother-in-law), their 2.3 children, the family dog, the cat next door, and then goes looking for the nice guy at that party the first time she came to America?

Just my two cents, bud.

**DeezNutz** · 04-15-2010, 05:56 AM

I wouldn't bother talking. Just text, which seems to have been particularly effective for your BIL.

Hog's Gone Fishin · 04-15-2010, 06:28 AM

My brother just shipped off to work in Australia for a 3 month gig.

It will be funny when your brother goes to pick her up at the airport and he realizes the pictures she sent him were not of her and she actually weighs in at 380 with a neck beard.

Hog's Gone Fishin · 04-15-2010, 06:31 AM

Tell her that in the United States the proper way to be introduced is for the woman to rub her uvula on the mans one eyed weasel.

04-14-2010, 11:27 PM
FAX testing ... 1, 2, 3 Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Tennessee Casino cash: $6753759	FAX And The Lonely Australian Girl At 1:00 pm, this upcoming Sunday, I am attending a gathering of the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX's entire family. In and of itself, this is not particularly unusual. It is a close family and we get together fairly often for dinners and lunches and the occasional weekend crazy blowout featuring water skiing, martinis, and live bluegrass music. However, the reason for this weekend's event is somewhat unusual. One of my brothers-in-law has been communicating via the internet thing with a girl from Australia. Apparently, they have texted or whatever they have done with each other and exchanged photographs. Now, this girl is flying to the United States of America in order to spend "time" with the brother-in-law and he is throwing a party for the purpose of introducing this person to his family. I need some help. First off, I don't know a whole heck of a lot about Australia. I googled up some stuff then brushed my teeth and did an internet search. What I found is that it is a country on the other side of the Earth with kangaroos and strange indigenous persons who (in antiquity) used long spears to kill lizards and protect their cave paintings from aliens. Second off, this party has every potential to be extremely awkward and I am taking it upon myself to do whatever is necessary (within reason, of course) to make this Australian person feel comfortable so that her relationship with my brother-in-law will flourish. Or, failing that, at least avoid the possibility that she run screaming into the streets. Any ideas as to how to best impress a girl from Australia who has flown thousands of miles in pursuit of love? All contributions would be appreciated. FAX THE SOMEWHAT CONCERNED Disclaimers: Sorry if repost.
Posts: 44,492

04-15-2010, 01:21 AM	#46
Chiefs4TheWin Veteran Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Hollidaysburg, PA Casino cash: $2912783	There's not really much difference between them and us. I dunno how her Australian slang is, but that's the hardest to get over when meeting an Australian native. A weed eater is a "Whipper Snipper" and taking a shower is "Taking a Splash" etc etc etc. just try not to laugh at those hehe.
Posts: 4,196

04-15-2010, 02:03 AM	#48
Chiefs=Champions Training Camp Hero Join Date: Oct 2006 Casino cash: $8494801	[QUOTE=PornChief;6675938]well you got 1 from 2 - taking a shower is 'taking a shower'. Taking a splash is having a piss. QUOTE] i say taking a slash as having a piss. must be my southern slang...
Posts: 5,997

04-15-2010, 04:58 AM	#51
NewChief In Search of a Life Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: Fayetteville, AR Casino cash: $9040204	What area of Australia is she from? That will pretty much dictate her taste in beer. I guarantee she doesn't like Foster's, though. Everyone drank XXXX in N. Queensland, but people in Victoria drink VB. Every region pretty much has their own beer. As others have said, the shrimp on the barbie thing is usually seen as insulting and stupid by Australians. Talking about aborigines can be a bad topic of conversation. It's politics, and my wife and I got into a very nasty argument with some of her relatives about it one night. They were going on about how their "blacks" are different from ours and are just worthless and inferior... we basically struggled (with limited success) not to call them racists and my wife ended up leaving the room. It was a conversation we wished we wouldn't have had with them. Many Australians are very well traveled. She might be the exception, but chances are that she's done some travel before in the past. Most of the ones that I know (admittedly, this was limited to North Queensland... which is like the crazy redneck area of Australia), prize experience over possessions. They work to make money to have experiences and go on vacation... not to acquire nice things. __________________ In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. - H. L. Mencken Last edited by NewChief; 04-15-2010 at 05:31 AM..
Posts: 21,776

04-15-2010, 05:25 AM	#52
PhillyChiefFan Veteran Join Date: May 2007 Location: Harrisburg, PA Casino cash: $3951139	Mr. FAX, do not attempt to give her Foster's. To them, it is like giving them Milwaukee's Best......Light.
Posts: 3,406

04-15-2010, 05:36 AM	#54
Oz_Chief Starter Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: USA Casino cash: $55101	I think you should start by focusing on food and drink. Introduce her to your style of BBQ. Aussie grills are different than ours. They always have a hot metal slab, like a kitchen would use to cook eggs on. Sausages (they call them snaggers or snags) are big down there. Why not offer her some sausage (let the jokes fly) from here? Ask her if she brought any Tim Tams. Chocolate is always good. They get a lot of Cadbury's down there. Why not offer her a Hershey's or something. Ask her if she has ever tried a bud light. The earlier post was correct: Aussies are typically well-travelled and much more globally aware than we are. You can probably have an entertaining and informed conversation with her about immigration, sport, and health care. I gotta go to work. Good luck!
Posts: 414

04-15-2010, 05:43 AM	#55
Adept Havelock Obligatory Thoughtcriminal Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Flux,awaiting an observer Casino cash: $10004900	Australia? All I know about it is if the world ends, Ava Gardner will be hanging out in Melbourne. __________________ No matter how cynical you are, it is impossible to keep up. -Lily Tomlin I'd rather be a climbing monkey than a falling angel. -Terry Pratchett
Posts: 14,305

04-15-2010, 05:47 AM	#56
Adept Havelock Obligatory Thoughtcriminal Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Flux,awaiting an observer Casino cash: $10004900	That, and Australian Philosophy teachers are some interesting people. __________________ No matter how cynical you are, it is impossible to keep up. -Lily Tomlin I'd rather be a climbing monkey than a falling angel. -Terry Pratchett
Posts: 14,305

04-15-2010, 05:48 AM	#57
Fire Me Boy! Cast Iron Jedi Join Date: Nov 2004 Casino cash: $9999900 VARSITY	Mr. FAX, not to fan the flames of your concern, but I just wanted to remind you that Australia was once a prison colony. I sincerely hope she's not a serial killer. And going along with the probability that she herself is not a serial killer, you must consider that she comes from serial killer genes, and perhaps her serial killer grandfather and serial killer grandmother met in Australia. That's a whole lot of serial killer genes. And I don't know a lot about serial killer genes, but what if they're dormant until something wakes them up? So this beautiful, lonely Australian girl is normal one second, getting ready for work in the morning and there's no milk for her cereal, and she kills her husband (your brother-in-law), their 2.3 children, the family dog, the cat next door, and then goes looking for the nice guy at that party the first time she came to America? Just my two cents, bud.
Posts: 35,253

04-15-2010, 06:28 AM	#59
Hog's Gone Fishin Fish are scared of me Join Date: Nov 2001 Casino cash: $210477	My brother just shipped off to work in Australia for a 3 month gig. It will be funny when your brother goes to pick her up at the airport and he realizes the pictures she sent him were not of her and she actually weighs in at 380 with a neck beard.
Posts: 40,779

04-15-2010, 06:31 AM	#60
Hog's Gone Fishin Fish are scared of me Join Date: Nov 2001 Casino cash: $210477	Tell her that in the United States the proper way to be introduced is for the woman to rub her uvula on the mans one eyed weasel.
Posts: 40,779