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Old 03-07-2012, 11:30 AM  
saphojunkie saphojunkie is offline
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Newest Manning rumor - lunacy
ESPN's Adam Schefter is reporting their is "significant interest" in bringing Manning to the Moon, per an NFL source.


MANNING IN THE MOON

story

The NFL world sure revolves around Peyton Manning, these days.

On the day he is scheduled for a joint press conference announcing his release from the Indianapolis Colts, Peyton Manning is now linked with a new suitor: The Moon.

The moon, a large floating orb the earth's only natural satellite, holds gravitational influence produces the ocean tides and the minute lengthening of the day. The Moon's current orbital distance, about thirty times the diameter of the Earth, causes it to appear almost the same size in the sky as the Sun, allowing it to cover the Sun nearly precisely in total solar eclipses.

Manning's agent, Tom Condon, said there have been no talks between the two sides.

"We haven't spoken at all, us or the moon people, if there are any moon people. At some point this week, Peyton and I will sit down and discuss all options," said Condon

But Peyton isn't opposed to going to play for the moon?

"He's open to anything."

The story began when Peyton Manning, once the greatest human being ever to live, more talented than any living thing has been at any activity ever, had his head nearly severed four times by ninja assassins masquerading as television commercial producers. Details are still unclear, but other sources insist he merely had a neck surgery to "remove an owey."

Rumors began swirling of an impeding jettisoning from the Colts franchise, where Manning was drafted with the 1st overall pick in the 1998 draft.

"A lot of buzz coming out that Peyton will go to the Redskins. We all know (Owner Dan) Snyder likes to spend, but I don't see him fitting with (head coach) Mike Shannahan's system," said Schefter Wednesday morning on ESPN Radio's "Mike and Mike' show.

"The Cardinals still have 60 million-plus dollars tied up with Kevin Kolb. Seattle could be the dark horse here, or a surprise team like Kansas City. But now with the moon on the table, the bargaining price just is soared out of this world."

Pun intended?

"Damn right it was."

ESPN NFL Insider John Clayton, recovering from a twenty year fight with jaundice, mono, and "superiority complex," said he does not see the moon as a viable landing place.

"It isn't so much the lack of atmosphere, or them not having an NFL team. Keep in mind, the owners of the moon have been very stingy in free agency before, preferring to build through the draft."

However, with Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich promising a moon colony soon, an NFL franchise cannot be far behind. Everyone knows you age in reverse on the surface of the moon, because the maiden goddess Ikniatosh or Peloponnesian mythology sacrificed herself by consuming it's poisonous cheese in order to defy death.

*Rob Weitz, a homeless man, contributed facts to this story.
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Old 03-07-2012, 11:31 AM   #2
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If you had a higher post count, I might have read it.
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Old 03-07-2012, 11:31 AM   #3
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my neighbors brothers dogs name is eli. thats peytons brother
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Old 03-07-2012, 11:32 AM   #4
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Old 03-07-2012, 11:33 AM   #5
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Old 03-07-2012, 11:33 AM   #6
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Well, instead of the NFL revolving around Manning, Manning will now revolve around the NFL?
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Old 03-07-2012, 11:34 AM   #7
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so i take it inmem is just a sapho mult....
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Old 03-07-2012, 11:34 AM   #8
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ESPN's Adam Schefter is reporting their
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Old 03-07-2012, 11:35 AM   #9
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Old 03-07-2012, 11:42 AM   #10
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the song "Manning In The Box" by Alice In Chains just rips.
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Old 03-07-2012, 11:46 AM   #11
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Old 03-07-2012, 11:47 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by BoneKrusher View Post
the song "Manning In The Box" by Alice In Chains just rips.
I thought it was "Manning Is A Box..."
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Old 03-07-2012, 11:52 AM   #13
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Manning would be dead by the time he hits orbit.
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Old 03-07-2012, 11:53 AM   #14
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Old 03-07-2012, 11:54 AM   #15
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I thought it was "Manning Is A Box..."
right you are.
i bet he feels like he was just freed from a box today.

it must feel good to be able to choose the team he wants end his career with.
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