GF of 3 years left me yesterday....

[Pushead2]

She's going for her PhD, it takes up a lot of her time & I felt a tad bit neglected. I know it's tough for her as it is but I told her how I felt. She told me in response that she loves me to death but doesn't feel the same about being in love with me anymore.....

I'm still young & I've left a long relationship (4 years) before but this was different. She was more than my gf but my best friend too.....I was planning on proposing to her later this year but that's clearly out the window.

I'm getting 50/50 opinions from people on if I should just let her be & move on or fight for the girl I love / my best friend. She was all torn up hysterically crying last night when the conversation was going on.....Don't know, felt like I needed to air it out to a different crowd than my friends. What y'all think?

[ClevelandBronco]

Originally Posted by Comanche

Get it right pal. I said, "ignore the platitudes." I'll give you time to look up the word. . .waiting. . .

Since my post, several have repeated elements of it.

What is it to you anyway? Your "brilliant" commentary is, "choosing the most positive and upbeat chick in the coop that particular day." Yeah real good there Dr. Phil.

Whoa. Dig the serious guy.

[Iowanian]

You see maaaaaaaaan, these cats don't understand the depth of female psychology the way I do...ya dig.

[ClevelandBronco]

Originally Posted by Iowanian

You see maaaaaaaaan, these cats don't understand the depth of female psychology the way I do...ya dig.

The penguin is chill.

[Pushead2]

Originally Posted by ClevelandBronco

The penguin is chill.

snaps snaps snaps snaps

[Valiant]

Originally Posted by Pushead2

yeah I feel the working on myself part, I'm almost done with my college degree & I play in 3 hockey leagues including one that travels across the US & Canada on tournaments. So I am busy myself. I think the part that hurts the most for me is the best friend part. The routine of talking day & night, that gets to me. I'm on the road for a tournament in January, my alternate captain of my team is a single dude in his late 30s. So when I spoke to him last night he was saying that would be a good test for both y'all. Will she notice? Will she care you're away?

Sounds like she might be use to you being away as is. Never been one for falling in love but tell her you love her and she's the one if you mea it. This is not dating you do not have to hard to get. If you both actually love each other you will get back together.

[Earthling]

Sounds like this was initiated by you when you told her you felt neglected, to a degree (no pun intended), because of the time she was spending getting her Phd. Has she ever told you the same in regards to your time you have dedicated to the Hockey leagues? Anyway, you put her in a defensive mode and its possible she might have been bothered by that and said some irrational things. Just from what you have said here, and considering that this was a lady you were going to ask to marry you, I would give it some time apart to see exactly how much the two of you mean to each other.

[JD10367]

At least you didn't buy her a $6,000 ring.

[Brock]

These are the facts of life. A woman will not respect a man who comes running after her. A guy might think he's proving how important she is to him by doing this, but the fact is, it just makes him her bitch. He'll give up the power in the relationship and it's doomed anyway. These things have not changed since the dawn of time.

[JD10367]

As for the "I love you but I'm not in love with you", I pulled that bullshit on a long-term relationship once. Bottom line is, I think I was just afraid to commit and say to myself, "I will marry this person and never see another naked person for the rest of my life except this one". She may truly not "be in love with you", or she might just have cold feet on a larger commitment. As others have said, do not beg, do not plead, do your best to support yourself mentally and physically (clean your house, work out, etc.,.). She may soon see what she's giving up. And if not, you move on. Almost every person I've ever met who has a bad breakup follows it up with, "...and I'm so thankful, because then I met the woman who I eventually married, and am happy beyond belief." More fish in the sea and all that jazz.

[R8RFAN]

Originally Posted by Brock

These are the facts of life. A woman will not respect a man who comes running after her. A guy might think he's proving how important she is to him by doing this, but the fact is, it just makes him her bitch. He'll give up the power in the relationship and it's doomed anyway. These things have not changed since the dawn of time.

Absolutely..........

[Valiant]

Originally Posted by TinyEvel

Sorry to hear that dude, I went through a pretty tough breakup in college, it was my first adult relationship, the first woman who could have been "the one" and when we broke up all I concentrated on was trying to get her back. Looking back was that completely the worst thing I could have done. Not because we really should have stayed together, but because I moped on what I didn't have instead of what I did and who I was. It's easy to look back with 20/20 vision, but at the time I was not thinking straight.

You've gone through a significant part of your life with her, so you're going to feel a loss. But playing a mind game right now is not going to get you anywhere - that advice is for people trying to defensively protect their egos after a burn.

Nobody can dispense a prescription for this based on three paragraphs. They don't know the three years you've had with her, what your personalities and needs are. How you've grown together and apart since then. I do think that through college people grow a lot and often grow differently. That's just reality. I would just offer the general tips to be honest, with her and with yourself. And try to surround yourself with as many close friends and supporters as you can. If she was your best friend (or the person you shared all your daily news with) you should keep yourself communicating with other close people to mitigate that loss of personal bond. and try not to make everything about her and what you no longer have. Also, each day it will get easier. It might only get a fraction of a percent easier each day but it does get easier.

Good luck

Oh yeah, and don't be this guy...

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-li...nise-show/2527

Sound advice

[Pushead2]

Originally Posted by Valiant

Sound advice

I agree.......

Once again I thank everyone for the love & advice.

[Fat Elvis]

Originally Posted by Brock

These are the facts of life. A woman will not respect a man who comes running after her. A guy might think he's proving how important she is to him by doing this, but the fact is, it just makes him her bitch. He'll give up the power in the relationship and it's doomed anyway. These things have not changed since the dawn of time.

I call complete bullshit on this. If you have to have the "power" in your relationship then you have a pretty piss poor relationship because the two of you will never be better than you as an individual. I am married to a wonderful woman with whom I share the "power"- it makes both of us better. Our strengths compliment each and heighten each other and they also compensate for each others' weaknesses. Why would anyone in their right mind want someone who is weaker than they are?

[FAX]

Originally Posted by Fat Elvis

I call complete bullshit on this. If you have to have the "power" in your relationship then you have a pretty piss poor relationship because the two of you will never be better than you as an individual. I am married to a wonderful woman with whom I share the "power"- it makes both of us better. Our strengths compliment each and heighten each other and they also compensate for each others' weaknesses. Why would anyone in their right mind want someone who is weaker than they are?

I think Mr. Brock is referring to "pre-marriage" situations, Mr. Fat Elvis.

When I was dating the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX, her roommate had just gotten out of a relationship with a guy who would not stop calling or dropping by. Eventually, she not only became disgusted with his behavior, she became fearful. I've told the story before, but one night he forced his way into the apartment and I was required to smash a lamp over his noggin. Pretty good lamp, too.

In my vast experience in dealing with the softer sex, it's important to give the girl space and focus on your own self-improvement and personal happiness ... without her. Then, if she wants to be with you, she will. Girls know all about this kind of stuff and they are acutely aware of relational dynamics. The worst thing a guy can do is "chase". It never, ever works and sometimes makes things irretrievably bad.

FAX

[Brock]

Originally Posted by Fat Elvis

I call complete bullshit on this. If you have to have the "power" in your relationship then you have a pretty piss poor relationship because the two of you will never be better than you as an individual. I am married to a wonderful woman with whom I share the "power"- it makes both of us better. Our strengths compliment each and heighten each other and they also compensate for each others' weaknesses. Why would anyone in their right mind want someone who is weaker than they are?

You share the power. She doesn't run the relationship. I daresay your wife never made you run after her or do other doggie tricks to prove yourself, no?