Maybe we could get 3 or 4 guys to dress up in Gorilla outfits and start playing the DVD version of CSI-Miami, 2nd edition. And, when the Gorilla sees how much fun they're having, he comes over to join in the game. Then, when he's busy trying to figure out how to get the remote control to contact the forensics team for clues, we cover his head with a pillow case real fast, handcuff his hands behind his back, and just walk him out of the forest nice and slow.

FAX

We'll have to use zipties on a Gorilla. Handcuffs are too small.

The only problem with that theory is I have been told Gorillas have a genetic aversion to David Caruso.

Perhaps CSI-NY?

I'm thinking Damon Huard could do it.

I'm not sure about Damon, but perhaps we could get Jack Bauer from the 24 thread to assist. There can't be that much difference between terrorists and guerillas, can there?

It might just be possible, if we could spot the gorilla from the air, to send a select team of sky divers down on his position and slap lots of double sided sticky tape on him. Then, we wait.

After a few days, the gorilla is so covered with leaves and sticks and mud and gorilla poo that all we have to do is offer him a shower and he'll come with us voluntarily.

FAX

Acme Gorilla Trap -O-Matic. Kit includes:

1 wooden gorilla crate, one size fits all.

1 50 foot rope.

6 plastic bananas

1 life-size Jane Goodall cardboard poster

4 AA batteries

1 rubber gorilla poop

Map of Africa

George of the Jungle audio cassette


Trap -O-Matic is 100% guaranteed. If you're not satisfied with the results within 30 days they'll give you a full refund. The product is endorsed by such notable celebrities as Wile E Coyote, Foghorn Leghorn and Mr Drysdale from the Beverly Hillbillies.

Using the adage, "Monkey see, monkey do."

Situate two identidal cages in the jungle.
Put on a gorilla suit.
Get the target gorilla to ape your actions.
Walk inside one cage and close the door.
The target gorilla will walk inside his cage and shut the door.

Walla!

Walla my butt. You're both trapped in cages in the middle of the jungle. Guess whose friends will be more willing to help. Also could be bad if gorilla decides to enter your cage. :p

But...but....it worked perfectly in my mind when I imagined it! :(

That's wierd, Mr. RJ. Must be a newer version. The old version the Acme Gorilla Trap-O-Matic was a bucket of paint and a brush and you were supposed to paint a big gorilla vagina on a cliff face. Then, when the gorilla ran headlong and konked himself out on the fake gogina, you tied him up.

FAX

You guys do know that RainMan is going to come in here and kick all of your asses, right?

Figuratively, not literally, right?



RIGHT?!?!?!

Well, yeah. I mean, come on. The dude's old, drives a peach Beemer, and he's bald. He even had his bike stolen.

Who's ass is he going to kick? One of the Care Bears, maybe.

Why would he do that, Mr. Simplex3?

Is Mr. Rain Man some kind of gorilla lover? Likes big hairy guys with short bowed legs? Hanging out in the trees picking lice off his buddies? Doing the crazy gorilla dance in the African moonlight? Playing hide the banana? We're talking gorilla trapping here, not some wacky ass, save the species, environmentalist, tree kissing, oh-look-at-the-nice-gorilla-honey-through-your-binoculars kind of sport.

FAX