Liiieeees.

I see skinny dudes with fat chicks all the time.

It's not my preference. But I'm 30, and until now I've never had a boyfriend with a better body than me. I must have liked my milkshakes a little thick.

Ok, maybe not all guys... just me. :D

How good of a body does a guy have to have to match or exceed yours?

If I wasn't engaged....I'd be down for 20 seconds.

He's hard everywhere.

I'm not.

It's your job to make him fat - like Tony Romo & Jessica Simpson.

And then I'd have to find another one when he got too big for me to straddle.

I think I'm tired of new ones.

You sure have mastered capturing an audience.

Men are easily captured.

I must be doing something really wrong, then.

Anyway, carry on.

They never see the roofies coming.

Just remember that men are, in the most basic form, very simple creatures. Females are not.

Yoouuuuu say things and then worry about what you say to the point where you either change what you say or alter what youre going to say next because you stressed so much about what you said.

Meeeeeeee. Damn the torpedos full steam ahead.

Its not like all attention is positive, Luv. More people on here will know you and love you than will ever know me... Much less love me.

Nah. I just usually end up putting my foot in my mouth. Not the greatest taste.

Wear sexy shoes. It helps.

You know, I've actually started wearing heels. You know who noticed? My dad. Said he'd never seen me wear heels in my life. Anyway, they do help make me feel more confident (and balanced). That, and short jeans are too short and average jeans are too long. Heels help to keep them from dragging the floor.

I would imagine that's true. I didn't see the College Pro painters coming either. My wife did, however.

Me: What are you doing?

Wife: Taking some lemonade out to the boys painting the house?

Me: Why?

Wife: They look really hot. They all have their shirts off and are all sweaty.

That's hot. I want to be a college pro painter.

I did question why they took two weeks to paint our house, but they did a phenomenal job.

Also lifts your butt and breasts into their most appealing positions.

http://www.cutesygirl.com/ has really cheap (like $10) cute shoes for the sexy woman that doesn't quite want to be a stripper. :)

I think all you need is torn jeans and a roller.

Aren't you fun?

It'd be good for you to get a real job, but keep the shirt on.

Stop being a prick, pretty boy.

Bendy too

Met a guy. He text messaged three times in thirty minutes, and said he had to get home. I know I'm ugly, but within thirty minutes? This one put another dent in the self-image.

I do not think that is warranted, luv.

The situation is a bit hazy from my vantage point, but maybe the guy has IBS and really had to get home?

Maybe you should stop dating until the weight comes off? I don't want to sound like an asshole but that is your goal. And didn't you send him your old pictures?

I'm not following this story. You met him, then he texted you 3 times in 30mins and said he had to get home? When did he text you? Did you tell you he had to go home over text or in person?

He received three texts while he was with me. He answered two of them, and left when he got the third.

I don't look that different from the pictures he saw.

I will not hiding behind my weight. I'm doing something about it. If they don't like it, screw 'em.

Oh, bummer.

Eh. Not really. I'd classify him as a player. Kind of the sleezy type who thinks he's hot. At least I'm not rude. I mean, how obvious can you be?

Yeah, but it's still rude.

Such is my life. I've learned to offer to go dutch on first dates. I feel bad if someone feels they've wasted money on me.

I don't recommend that, but I guess it could be a test. The right guy won't let you.

"I'm so electrifying, charismatic, and beautiful, it is impossible for a guy to feel he has wasted money on me."

I say you start adopting this attitude. You seem really down on yourself.

I kind of think that, too. I don't do it to play games though. I hate games. I also offer as to help take some of the pressure off. Kind of like a couple of friends meeting for munch, dinner, or drinks.

Ugly is subjective... now shut up. :-)

That's nice and all but you're not a couple of friends - you're meeting a guy who (presumably) asked you out on a date. I know I don't allow the girls I take out to pay, at least on the first couple dates.

I don't think I'm ugly at all. Overweight, yes. In most people's eyes, that equals being ugly. If it's not that, then it's my personality. I think I'm a good date though. Guy friends keep telling me how simple guys are. I must attract the complicated ones.

Oh, and I'm allowed to be down on myself. I got blown off before I could blow him off, damn it!

You shouldn't be blowing any guy off on the first date... it makes you seem easy.

Oh wait... I don't know what to tell you, girl. I make things more complicated than they are, too.

This is why women confuse me.

I was being sarcastic in the original quote. I realize that's how a lot of people who don't know me probably see me.

I knew someone would pick up on that. LMAO

I was ugly when I was overweight. I looked at some old photos of myself today and was repulsed.

This.

Okay, okay. So I shouldn't mention it, but take enough to cover my part of the tab should he end up being a jerk.

If he is a jerk run that baby up.

ROFL

That's actually pretty solid advice.

If he starts to hem and haw like he wants you to pay, and it's pretty clear that things aren't going anywhere anyway, get up and say a quick "bye" and get the heck out of there.

No reason to waste your time and your money.

My scenario seems to be going much better now that I'm playing hard-to-get. I would feel bad, but its obvious she likes it.

I'm getting my own apartment (no more roomate!), and so she asked me if she could ever come over and stay the night. So I told her, "yeah, but your ass is sleeping on the couch." And then she asked what it would take for her to be able to sleep in bed with me.

Its crazy, but the LESS sexual attention I give her, the MORE she gives me!!! This is so fun!

That is the bullshit I'm so glad I outgrew.

Her sleeping on the couch? Come on dude you know that aint happening. But good work on the other stuff.

Its fun, luv! Just roll with it! Once you learn the game of life and love, and get good at it, you can have fun playing it.

Now I officially hate you.

But a girl did show me her boobies today. (just photos - it's probably a dude)

It's not fun when nothing ever comes from it. I'm getting too old.

I said it to tease her.

When she asked what it would take to be able to sleep with me, I told her she'd have to sneak in after I fall asleep, or she could seduce me if she's really good (and I said I didn't know if she had what it took to seduce me).

So she said, "Oh, I have what it takes. I hope you don't mind that I sleep naked."

Like I said, its just fun! Even if I don't get any, its all good.

I just took the board's advice, Claythan.

Sounds like she's got low self-esteem, or she's a major tease.

I think both... I also think she got out of a crappy relationship that was way too serious for a girl her age. So she's probably just being flirty and enjoying playing the field a little.

Do you see me begging for advice? I do things my own way. I have raised failure to an art form.

This isn't the chick from work is it?

I don't know what to tell you. Me giving advice isn't really all that...logical.

I don't technically work with her, but her place is next door.

Wait, so the chick who was teasing you, now sleeps with you?

We're not sleeping together. She just said she wants to. And I told her, "maybe."

That is ridiculous. You're ridiculous.

You know you can turn those tables even more. Fool around with her and then when she asks for sex tell her no. It drives girls crazy for you then bc they want to prove it more.

:-) You are a genius.

REP!

I wouldnt say I am genius, its just reverse psychology if you want to make it more than just one night fling. Girls do it all the time, flip the playing field. Also its a great way to get really good head.

I'm still looking for my dream girl. I had an ex-gf who could do some Briana Banks stuff (google her if you are in the dark), and ever since then, no other girl can do it the same... :-(

I already got about six inches from her face the other night, looking real deep into her eyes, and then I smeared a little bit of cake frosting on her nose (it was her b-day). I think she wanted me to kiss her.

Dear penthouse, you won't believe this, but there's this girl...

Ahahaha...

I find it rather coincidental that buddha here went from horrible with women to the master in 3 days.

He's like a slightly modified Slayer_Diablo. Only less interesting and less funny.

He's playdoh. He'll be whatever you tell him is cool to be.

I declined a make-out session tonight.

I know a girl who on multiple occasions would refer to sex as "making out". Received texts late night saying "when are you going to come over so we can make out". If I thought all we were really going to do was make out, I probably would've stayed home. Some girls use way too much tongue when kissing, and that is a big turn off to me.

Plus how long can you just kiss and dry hump before it gets boring. Maybe 5-10 min range?

She was already very clear about not wanting sex. Besides, she was 18, and it felt totally wrong.

Good move on your part.

What a huge blow to the ego it would be when you, as a 28 year old, get an 18 year old to show you the ropes.

Go for the older gals.

Well, I'm 27, FYI. But moreso than that, she was a very young-looking 18.

15 will get you 20.