Yeah. PETA would be all over that, and I don't blame them.

In a similar vein to #4 I was considering introducing a young gorilla just out of high school to an attractive but "loose" young female gorilla. Make certain the female isn't using birth control and, voila. Before the young male gorilla knows what happened he's changing diapers full of baby gorilla poop and doing indentured servitude in his father-in-law gorilla's AllApe insurance office. Two years later there's another rug monkey and that hot little lowlander is now 30 pounds overweight with a hairy butt. You can't remember the last time she ate your parasites and she's putting the same tasteless microwaved banana casserole on the table every night. And all that gorilla can think is....

It's like a jungle, sometimes it makes me wonder how I keep from going under....ooh ooh ooh...

There you have it, trapped gorilla.

Mr. FAX are you lonesome or just plain horny ..you know there's laws against porkin' your gorilla ....

In case ur worried about the gorillas.

The mom from Goodtimes could be used as bait.

Time-Warp ape hunting..now there's a speciality hunt .....

The gorilla trapping problem was solved in episode 21 of Gilligan's Island.

I could be wrong but I'm just guessing that there's probably only one physical attribute that male gorilla's look for in a female. :D

I always put a little lipstick on her... something understated... don't want her looking trampy... and a pretty dress with flowers and butterflys on it. Cut down to there. Works like a charm.

Well, unless "trampy" is what the male gorilla is looking for; maybe try both looks to see which yields the best results.

Yea... I'm just telling you what has worked for me.

Studies done at the University of Northeastern North Dakota have shown evidence that most gorilla males are more attracted to the classic beauty types than the more elusive "prostorilla" andiginous to the lusher jungles of midde western Zimbabwe and parts of Sudan.

:thumb:

Success!!!

Well, to be perfectly honest, it wasn't a gorilla, but some sort of strange hedgehog-looking deal with squinty eyes. I'm working my way up from mice to gorilla in increments.

Caught the noisy dude in a live trap (using carrot bait) under my deck sometime during the night. He looks pissed, but then again, so am I since (according to the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX) I must now transport an angry hedgehog (or whatever it is) to another location.

I feel kind of bad, though. The little fella probably has a family and Mrs. Hedgehog is, no doubt, worried sick as are his little Hedge Children. How will they eat? Who will help them plan their vacations? Maybe I'll just let him go. He was making noise, but that might be better than dealing with my conscience.

FAX

Gorilla trapping is easy. Place the cage, cut a hole in the back end just large emough for your hand to stick through. Put on a rubber glove and place a jar of vaseline next to it. Stick your hand through and wait. When the gorilla comes running slam door shut. Caution : make sure cage is large enough for several gorillas as they.ve been known to come in three or four at a time using this method.

Okay. Final decision. I'm turning the hedgehog loose.

I did some research and found that a leading hedgehog expert from someplace has warned that, unless drastic steps are taken, hedgehogs could be totally wiped out by 2025. I can't participate in a hedgehog holocaust.

Home Depot has some stuff that you can spray around your yard that will supposedly keep hedgehogs away. I'm going that route and saving a hedgehog for the Earth.

FAX