May I recommend a stab in the face?

Yep, why?

WTF is up with the "wif" schtick?

Instead of saying the wife I say the wif.

Pronounced whiff, as in, get a whiff of that thang?

Find a way to get him onto your dental plan and get him some new teeth. Thats all he wants, once he gets those he will either leave you alone or bite you with them to get more money for crack.

Yeah

He does now. :)

Move.

You can start by just waiting for the next time he comes around and just laying it out like it is:

"Hey man, I helped you out twice. At this point, though, you're freaking my wife out. If you'd like I'll help you out one last time and drive you to a shelter. Otherwise, thanks for mowing the lawn. Good luck and God bless."

He's done this before, he knows what time it is.

Then if he doesn't get the hint start calling the cops.

Take back pants from "wif", go obtain the crack ho eating German Shepard you want. :hmmm:

Belgian Malinois

Racist.

ROFL That is priceless!