Well then, I guess I'll get drunk....
 

Tonight my mother flooded my bathroom and livingroom. Drenched. My girlfriend woke up and tried to help her soak up the water while they called me to ask where the main shut off valve was. This would be the same little turning device I SPECIFICALLY TOLD HER MUST BE TWISTED BEFORE TOUCHING A F**KING PIECE OF PLUMMING to prevent serious water damage.

There is only one shut off valve in my house, which is older than God's grandpa. The tile she BEGGED me to let her and her boyfriend rip up while I was at work (and I had already asked off to take care of) was warped due to a slow sink leak that just finally ruined the floor. Like the dumbass I am, I let her go ahead and tackle such a f**cking complex project because she swore she wouldn't start until her boyfriend got there.

Of course, she went ahead and decided to remove my sink by herself.

I get a call at work that she's turned my house into THE F**KING BIBLICAL FLOOD and she needs to know where the main shut off valve is.

That's right, the same one I told her to shut off BEFORE she started doing anything. I tell her and then race as fast as the laws of physics allow home. When I get there I see my mother and girlfriend standing in SOAKING WET carpet, no less than 3 feet from a surge protecter that is SOAKED, sticking towels all over.

I have absolutely no idea why my mother, girlfriend, and computer aren't dead right now.

The rest of this story is full of my mother completely RUINING my plumming, both women confused why I'm gawddamned livid, and a job STILL unfinished with a gentleman due tommorow to replace my pipes who is expecting to be able to ACTUALLY (. x. )(. x. )(. x. )(. x. )ING GET TO THEM.

Um...yeah.

Well... uh... good luck. And happy birthday!... I guess.

Why was your mother doing home repair at your place?

She wasn't supposed to be. Her boyfriend was supposed to rip up the floor so the plummer could do his work tommorow. I only agreed after he and she BOTH swore he'd be the one doing the work. He offered and I figured I'd let him since I wouldn't have to take off work...

Well, hell. I guess you get what you pay for- sometimes less. Maybe the boyfriend can help you straighten out the mess?

He shouldn't have to.

He's a super nice guy. To even bother offering amazes me. After having to date my mother there's no way I'd ask him to put himself out any further...

Stories like this are the very reason that Bob Dole continues to live in a tarpaper shack with dirt floors and no plumbing.

Keep laughing old man, you get to dookie on a toilet tonight...

Oh BTW Happy Birthday Brad.:)

Geez dude, sorry to hear that.

Word of advice; prolly don't want to get drunk around the two people wondering why you're livid.

jeesh, I'd choke a bitch

happy birthday, brad

-EB-

Other than that how are things going?

Dude - Wow. If I were you, I'd pack a pair of clean drawers and move to Mexico.

don't see your mom's boyfriend short...

he obviously likes your mom and enjoys being with her, so don't sweat asking him to help with the disaster...

oh yeah, sorry about the flood...

and happy birthday! :toast:

geez, in 1976 i'd already been married twice...

You should see what my mother did when I left her alone with my belt-sander.

No thanks. Power-tool-porn isn't really my bag.

You'd think, by now, people would know better than to leave theirselves wide open like that. :shake:

That sucks. Well, happy birthday, anyway. :toast:

Reminds me of a couple of my birthdays. Like the one where I had to get a wisdom tooth pulled. Or the one that coincided with my wife's bachorette party.

:cuss:

ROFL
Happy Birthday, Tim! For your B-Day, we got your wife a stripper!!

Plumbing is one project i don't want a part of.
I learned a long time ago to just call a plumber.

Plus i know one that does it relatively cheap. He did all my pipes below by kitchen sink for 45 dollars one time.

:moon:

Nonsense. PVC made plumbers out of all of us.

Not this guy. I don't have the patience for it. Plus im still bad at it. PVC and all.
I will always have a pipe or two dripping.

ROFL

Kinda have some issues with mom eh?

This reminds me of Law and Order: Criminal intent.

Oh man, you've GOT to bring back the old Avatar.

You are going to "Curse" the Red Sox.

You deserve everything you got for believing women would behave rationally...

ROFL