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How to say 'I love you' in 25 languages.....
Spanish Te Amo French Je T'aime German lch Liebe Dich Japanese Ai Shite Imasu Farsi Doostet Dahram Thai Phom rak khun Italian Ti amo Chinese Wo Ai Ni Swedish Jag Alskar Alabama Arkansas Oklahoma Texas North Carolina South Carolina Georgia Tennessee Idaho Mississippi Montana Louisiana Virginia West Virginia Kentucky parts of Florida . . . . . . . Nice Ass , Get in the truck |
Errrrrrrrr, screeeeeeetch, Errrrrrrrr, screeeeeeetch, Errrrrrrrr, screeeeeeetch!!! - …A blond driving through a flashing red light.
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There was an 80 year old female virgin who started to feel itchy down south.....
So she decided to go see a doctor. The first doctor examined her and said.. I'm sorry ma'am but it looks like you have a nice case of crabs. The woman is appauled as she has never been with a man before... so she gets up and leaves to get a seocnd opinion. The next doctor tells her the same thing.. she explains to him she's never had sex before so this is impossible and goes to a third doctor for a final opinion. The third doctor examines her, Is clearly disgusted at what he sees and then tells her. I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you do not have crabs. The bad news is your cooch is infested with fruit flies, ma'am your cherry has rotted. Ooops... was this supposed to be a clean jokes only threeaD??? MY BAD! |
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Friendship among women:A woman doesn't come home one night.The next day she tells her husband she slept over at a friends house. The man calls his wife's ten best friends. None of them know about it.
Friendship among men:A man doesn't come home one night.The next day he tells his wife he slept over at a friends house. The woman calls her husbands ten best friends. Eight of them say he did sleep over and two claim he's still there. |
THREE WOMEN -- ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A HILLBILLY --
WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE GERMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. "THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID. " I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM." A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE JAPANESE WOMEN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND." THE HILLBILLY WOMAN FELT DECIDEDLY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUTDONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER BEHIND. THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER. THE HILLBILLY WOMAN FINALLY SAID, "WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT. I'M GETTIN' A FAX." |
Billy Bob and Billy Joe were sitting on Billy Bob's front porch and Billy Joe said "I am bored, let's play a game."
Billy Bob said "Ok, I am going to think of something and you guess what I am thinking about." Billy Bob took about two seconds and decided on Donkey Dick. Billy Bob said "Ok, I am ready." Billy Joe said "Is it Donkey Dick?" |
Big breasted women work at Hooters...
So where does a one legged woman work? IHOP :) |
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But you say it with panache! |
Q: How many menopausal women does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Six. It's just that way, okay? Drop it! |
Q: How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 15. One to change it and the other fourteen to drink until the room starts spinning |
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but the lightbulb must want to change first |
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A circus fell on hard times and had to sell its animals. The lion tamer was left with just one potential trainee--a bassett hound. Fortunately, the dog quickly learned the act. There was just one problem: the trainer could not put his head in the dog's mouth because it was too small. He solved that by sticking his foot in.
On opening night, the crowd, which had never seen such an act, went wild. "Encore, encore!" the crowd yelled. The trainer had not considered an encore, and improvised by sticking his second foot in the dog's mouth. Choking, the bassett panicked and bit off the trainer's feet. The moral: Don't put all your legs in one bassett. |
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A pic of Hurricane Wilma
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