My wife just slugged me across the face
 

... and I totally deserved it.

I was in the other room on the computer and my wife had already gone to bed. All of a sudden, I hear her scream. I jump up and run in the room to see what was going on. The dog was freaking out, the cats had scattered, the covers were completely thrown off the bed and she's standing near the light switch just staring at the bed. Apparently, she'd had some sort of nightmare and thought she saw something. I helped her put the covers back on the bed and she goes back to sleep.

You can probably see where this is going already. I wait for her to fall back asleep and go to the closet and grab a flashlight and a gorilla mask. I sneak back into the room and turn on the flashlight (underneath my face) and yell "AAAAARGH!!!!" She screams once again, freaks out and slugs me right across the face LMAO

She was not amused, but I was laughing my ass off anyway. She eventually started laughing, and has since gone back to sleep. She did lock the bedroom door, though, so I'm sleeping on the couch.

It was totally worth it.

The fact that you have a gorilla mask is pretty great. Next time try the full gorilla suit ... that would really scare the bejeezus out of her.

That messed up. You better protect your manhood.

Awesome, Mr. Silock.

Next time, try the bloody knife trick. Do the exact same thing, but instead of a gorilla mask and a flashlight, just walk into the room with a large kitchen knife or meat cleaver covered with ketchup. Good times.

FAX

Awesome. I'm glad I'm not the only one that tries to scare the hell out of my girl just for laughs.

I have an idea. Since she's locked you out of the bedroom, you can combine The Bloody Knife Trick with the ol' Door Bust Down! She'll love you for it.

FAX

Next time be naked except for the gorilla mask.

John Bobbitt would like to take this time to remind us all that kitchen utensils are for kitchen use only.

You did hear the story about Lorena's sister? She figured if her sis could do it so could she.

One night after her old man had gone to bed she took the knife and headed for his necessary man parts. At the last minute he saw the knife and moved, but not far enough. She cut his leg badly. He knocked the shit out of her and held her down, dialed the police and attempted to stop the bleeding.

The police arrived along with the ambulance. She went to the police station he went to the emergency room.

After treatment he went to press charges. The police told him that she had been released. They studied the available laws and found that they could only charge her with a "mistaweiner".






I'll be going to stand in the corner now.

Smooth move, Ex-Lax.

Remove any firearms from the house

That's fucked up! But hilarious...you are right, totally worth a night on the couch.

my wife would have waited until I fell asleep...and smothered me with a pillow.

Funny as hell!!!ROFLROFL

Wow. Some people have a strange idea of foreplay.