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Originally Posted by BobChief
Psi feeling compelled to share that story is so damned inspirational that Bob Dole feels like sharing, too.
Just like Psi, Bob Dole has posted some wacky shit here over the past few years, with the primary difference being that Bob Dole is actually intelligent and funny (and as those of you who have met Bob Dole know, extremely handsome). And just like Psi, this isn't one of those moments. Bob Dole has wanted to share this since the old KC Star forum days, but hasn't had the nerve to admit it until reading this story (and having 4 beers). It truly is liquid courage!
Just like Psi, Bob Dole ate and crapped his pants at a young age, but unlike Psi, Bob Dole stopped before his 14th birthday. Just like Psi, Bob Dole is often miserable, but unlike Psi, Bob Dole chooses to ignore his frustrations and occupy his mind with women and alcohol instead of lounging on pink sheets throwing tantrums nobody can hear.
And unlike Psi, Bob Dole isn't rambling, so shut the **** up.
Bob Dole played kickball as a child, but Bob Dole ruled. Well, at least until that bitch Allison Devan wasn't paying any attention and ran face first into Bob Dole's upper lip and crammed one of her brace-enhanced ****ing rabbit teeth through Bob Dole's upper lip on his 9th birthday. Happy Birthday Bob! Hope you enjoy the smell of that sticky crap they put on with the butterfly stitches, as it will be your constant companion for the next 3 ****ing weeks. At least the stupid bitch managed to grow some decent tits later on and didn't have a problem sharing them. And doesn't everything in life come down to tit size in the end?
Still not rambling.
Bob Dole suspects that Psi also tried bowling, but sucked at it. Why else would there be no mention of bowling? On the other hand, Bob Dole was an excellent league bowler in his teens. The league secretary was a 40ish woman named Wanda who had an impressive rack. She was truly an inspiration, as only a nice rack can inspire a pubescent boy, if you get Bob Dole's drift. Bob Dole carried the third highest average in the league most seasons and used a 14 pound ball. It was about the size of one of Wanda's titties.
This is harder than Bob Dole thought it would be. Type type tpye, backspace backspace backspace, rinse and repeat. Damn this beer is good and cold. Bob Dole has an excellent refrigerator. It's a Whirlpool. Icemaker equipped. Almond in color. Handles installed on the left, thank you very much.
But back to the point, since just like Psi, Bob Dole wandered a bit. Bob Dole's sheets are white. Both sets. Cotton. Queen size with a decent thread count. Bob Dole is also white, but not as white as the sheets. Bob Dole likes them to be pressed when they come out of the dryer so they are nice and smooth and crisp. Of course, Bob Dole likes to think that every Thursday is Steak and a Blowjob day, but that isn't ****ing happening either.
Why all the boring backstory? Because it makes Bob Dole laugh knowing that you're actually reading this shit. Lemmings.
Just kidding. The backstory is important because it talks about titties and bowling and kickball. The backstory serves to illustrate that males in mid-america are fascinated with that stuff. And dodgeball. What the **** is wrong with all the people trying to ban dodgeball? They probably want to whack off their peckers, too.
Friday the 13th. Wow. Bob Dole can read a calendar.
(Other really interesting and entertaining stuff edited for brevity and saved for future use.)
Anyway, the primary point is that Bob Dole has been living a lie for more than 4 years, which is like 28 dog years. And Bob Dole has two dogs, so it's been like 56 years, which is a lifetime to almost everyone here but Skip. Bob Dole has come to think of two or three of you as almost decent human beings during the time here, and Bob Dole can't stand living the lie any longer.
Bob Dole's name isn't really Bob Dole.
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