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Old 05-13-2005, 11:03 AM  
Ultra Peanut Ultra Peanut is offline
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I think I'm probably about to up the bar again
Well, I suspect this is going to be a trip. Because the following is going to be exceptionally long and putting it in the thread starter would be downright criminal once this reaches multiple pages (and trust me, it will), please brace for impact. You really need to brace for impact.

DISCLAIMER FROM FUTURE PSI/UP: DON'T READ THIS MOPEY GARBAGE. IT WAS JUST ME ADMITTING THAT I'M TRANS IN AN OVERLY DRAMATIC FASHION. THINGS ARE QUANTIFIABLY MORE AWESOME FOR ME NOW THAN THEY WERE FOUR YEARS AGO, THE END.
Last edited by Ultra Peanut; 08-30-2011 at 04:12 PM..
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Old 05-13-2005, 10:53 PM   #196
Skip Towne Skip Towne is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BobChief
Psi feeling compelled to share that story is so damned inspirational that Bob Dole feels like sharing, too.

Just like Psi, Bob Dole has posted some wacky shit here over the past few years, with the primary difference being that Bob Dole is actually intelligent and funny (and as those of you who have met Bob Dole know, extremely handsome). And just like Psi, this isn't one of those moments. Bob Dole has wanted to share this since the old KC Star forum days, but hasn't had the nerve to admit it until reading this story (and having 4 beers). It truly is liquid courage!

Just like Psi, Bob Dole ate and crapped his pants at a young age, but unlike Psi, Bob Dole stopped before his 14th birthday. Just like Psi, Bob Dole is often miserable, but unlike Psi, Bob Dole chooses to ignore his frustrations and occupy his mind with women and alcohol instead of lounging on pink sheets throwing tantrums nobody can hear.

And unlike Psi, Bob Dole isn't rambling, so shut the **** up.

Bob Dole played kickball as a child, but Bob Dole ruled. Well, at least until that bitch Allison Devan wasn't paying any attention and ran face first into Bob Dole's upper lip and crammed one of her brace-enhanced ****ing rabbit teeth through Bob Dole's upper lip on his 9th birthday. Happy Birthday Bob! Hope you enjoy the smell of that sticky crap they put on with the butterfly stitches, as it will be your constant companion for the next 3 ****ing weeks. At least the stupid bitch managed to grow some decent tits later on and didn't have a problem sharing them. And doesn't everything in life come down to tit size in the end?

Still not rambling.

Bob Dole suspects that Psi also tried bowling, but sucked at it. Why else would there be no mention of bowling? On the other hand, Bob Dole was an excellent league bowler in his teens. The league secretary was a 40ish woman named Wanda who had an impressive rack. She was truly an inspiration, as only a nice rack can inspire a pubescent boy, if you get Bob Dole's drift. Bob Dole carried the third highest average in the league most seasons and used a 14 pound ball. It was about the size of one of Wanda's titties.

This is harder than Bob Dole thought it would be. Type type tpye, backspace backspace backspace, rinse and repeat. Damn this beer is good and cold. Bob Dole has an excellent refrigerator. It's a Whirlpool. Icemaker equipped. Almond in color. Handles installed on the left, thank you very much.

But back to the point, since just like Psi, Bob Dole wandered a bit. Bob Dole's sheets are white. Both sets. Cotton. Queen size with a decent thread count. Bob Dole is also white, but not as white as the sheets. Bob Dole likes them to be pressed when they come out of the dryer so they are nice and smooth and crisp. Of course, Bob Dole likes to think that every Thursday is Steak and a Blowjob day, but that isn't ****ing happening either.

Why all the boring backstory? Because it makes Bob Dole laugh knowing that you're actually reading this shit. Lemmings.

Just kidding. The backstory is important because it talks about titties and bowling and kickball. The backstory serves to illustrate that males in mid-america are fascinated with that stuff. And dodgeball. What the **** is wrong with all the people trying to ban dodgeball? They probably want to whack off their peckers, too.

Friday the 13th. Wow. Bob Dole can read a calendar.

(Other really interesting and entertaining stuff edited for brevity and saved for future use.)

Anyway, the primary point is that Bob Dole has been living a lie for more than 4 years, which is like 28 dog years. And Bob Dole has two dogs, so it's been like 56 years, which is a lifetime to almost everyone here but Skip. Bob Dole has come to think of two or three of you as almost decent human beings during the time here, and Bob Dole can't stand living the lie any longer.

Bob Dole's name isn't really Bob Dole.
Thank you for your candid post. Unlike Psicosis' rant, I read yours in its entirety. Psi uses too many big words I don't understand and I get frustrated.
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Old 05-13-2005, 11:12 PM   #197
go bo go bo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nzoner 338
I guess I could just tell the wife I'm going with another friend from the planet.
odd, that's what i was thinking too...
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Old 05-13-2005, 11:17 PM   #198
Nzoner Nzoner is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by go bo
odd, that's what i was thinking too...
Maybe Angel should reword her statement.
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Old 05-13-2005, 11:18 PM   #199
trndobrd trndobrd is offline
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Originally Posted by angel
pretty much, yeah
I really want to go to games, and I don't have any money now that I'm graduating and haven't gotten a job.
I'll be as safe as I can. I'll let everyone know where I am, stay in public view at all times, etc.
Honestly, this is a long-shot deal. I didn't really think anyone would take me up on it. But if anyone will pay for my ticket to a game, as long as they're not a serial killer or some psychopath, I'm going!

Uh, I didn't put anything about no serial killers in the small print of your offer. Is that going to be a problem?
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Old 05-13-2005, 11:51 PM   #200
angel angel is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nzoner 338
Maybe Angel should reword her statement.
Even if you're married, if your wife doesn't want to go with you, but you're willing to take me along, I'll go. Your wife shouldn't mind since there'll be nothing more than me enjoying the game with you.

I can't seem to say this enough: I just want to go to the games next season!! So buy my tickets!!! Okay?
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Old 05-13-2005, 11:56 PM   #201
Sparhawk Sparhawk is offline
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Bob Dole some of your posts have made me crack a smile but this latest one takes the cake!
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Old 05-14-2005, 12:26 AM   #202
Hammock Parties Hammock Parties is offline
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Uh...
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Old 05-14-2005, 12:52 AM   #203
keg in kc keg in kc is offline
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What the fuck is going on here.
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Old 05-14-2005, 12:53 AM   #204
Fire Me Boy! Fire Me Boy! is offline
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See what happens when you only come here at night? You miss all the interesting stuff.

Be sure to check out the 300 lb. plummer.
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Old 05-14-2005, 12:54 AM   #205
Skip Towne Skip Towne is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gochiefs
Uh...
Hey, Gochiefs, have you noticed Psicosis has elected to cut his little yazoo off? You might want to consider doing the same thing before yours falls off. Are you familiar with the term "vestigial structure"? It has to do with the fact that body parts that are not used gradually become smaller to the point of non existence in most species. Blind Cave Fish among Tropical Fish are an example. The Tonsils among humans is another. The Tonsils once strained out harmful substances when cave men ate raw meat. We don't need them anymore so they have become a "vestige" of what they were. Anyway, your dick is in danger of becoming a vestigial structure and could fall off at any minute. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
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Old 05-14-2005, 12:56 AM   #206
Fire Me Boy! Fire Me Boy! is offline
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He uses it all the time, so leave him alone.

On a related note, his hands will NEVER be in danger of falling off.
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Old 05-14-2005, 01:14 AM   #207
Skip Towne Skip Towne is offline
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Originally Posted by Fire Me Boy!
He uses it all the time, so leave him alone.

On a related note, his hands will NEVER be in danger of falling off.
Dammit, I never thought of that.
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Old 05-14-2005, 01:16 AM   #208
Skip Towne Skip Towne is offline
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Originally Posted by Fire Me Boy!
He uses it all the time, so leave him alone.

On a related note, his hands will NEVER be in danger of falling off.
Dammit, I never thought of that. He likes to have me pick on him and I haven't had the chance today so this will have to do.
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Old 05-14-2005, 01:16 AM   #209
Rausch Rausch is offline
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Originally Posted by Skip Towne
Dammit, I never thought of that.
If don't fall off on it's own it can always be arranged...
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I wish I always ended up at gay bars.
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Old 05-14-2005, 01:22 AM   #210
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