Quote:
Originally Posted by ChiTown
I earned my red wings as a young man. Unlike Hootie, I don't feel the need to poke a needle in my left eye, just to see if it hurts worse than the one in my right eye.
|
You want to hear something really disturbing?
When I was in high school, I used to drink a LOT of pop. Like, 12 a day...I'm not kidding. I used to play basketball and baseball, so I could eat/drink/do whatever I wanted and it never really mattered...either way, I'd spend a lot of time on the computer or playing video games or doing both because I had the luxury of having all of that shit in my room.
Anyways, being the lazy mother ****er I am, I used to pee in empty mountain dew bottles because I didn't feel like walking across the hall and using the toilet.
Also, I used to have a lot of sex with my ex in my room with my girlfriend at the time...even though I knew my mom knew and didn't care, it was still something that I didn't want to broadcast to her...so for the week or so we used condoms I'd just kind of store them in this cupboard along with these pee bottles...one time when we were in the act she started her period (gross) and I had to wipe it up with a rag.
So the contents of this mystery cupboard were about 5 gross, used condoms...20 20 oz. bottles of urine, a bloody rag, and a few empty bottles of booze.
So one day I take a piss in one of these bottles, take it to my storage lair, and sure enough...SPOTLESS! That's right, mother did a little spring cleaning when I was away for the day.
Never said a word to me about it...I knew she wouldn't, but I can only imagine what was going through her head when she opened up that cupboard.
Of course she also found and washed my jerk off rag when I was in 8th grade so...