Life Missing from The Book of Life...

unlurking · 12-19-2008, 09:28 PM

Ever had those moments in life where you REALLY wish someone had warned you about something, but instead you found out the hard way?

I'm hitting that certain age where a doctor visit now includes an "intimate encounter" that leaves you feeling violated.

Why did no one warn me about trying to rush down a long flight of cement steps after enduring this procedure? Maybe the heel-to-toe gait should have warned me I'd have trouble clearing that first step, but the "strength of pucker to length of stride" ratio was not something my mind was pondering at the time.

Getting old sucks.

Sweet Daddy Hate · 12-19-2008, 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unlurking

Ever had those moments in life where you REALLY wish someone had warned you about something, but instead you found out the hard way?

I'm hitting that certain age where a doctor visit now includes an "intimate encounter" that leaves you feeling violated.

Why did no one warn me about trying to rush down a long flight of cement steps after enduring this procedure? Maybe the heel-to-toe gait should have warned me I'd have trouble clearing that first step, but the "strength of pucker to length of stride" ratio was not something my mind was pondering at the time.

Getting old sucks.

bobbymitch · 12-19-2008, 10:13 PM

Finally something that I know something about!

You could set the mood by singing “Moon River” as you bend over the table. Never say “Okay, your turn.”

If you feel a bit gay, then switch to a good looking female doctor. Turning your head and coughing could be a whole new experience.

DMAC · 12-19-2008, 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobbymitch

Finally something that I know something about!

RippedmyFlesh · 12-19-2008, 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobbymitch

Finally something that I know something about!

You could set the mood by singing “Moon River” as you bend over the table. Never say “Okay, your turn.”

If you feel a bit gay, then switch to a good looking female doctor. Turning your head and coughing could be a whole new experience.

If she was clad in leather and demanded you it could be a more bearable experience.

el borracho · 12-19-2008, 11:48 PM

My doctor tried to embarrass me like that but I tricked him by liking it.

**Baby Lee** · 12-20-2008, 11:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by el borracho

My doctor tried to embarrass me like that but I tricked him by liking it.

Chubbed up?

royr17 · 12-20-2008, 02:04 AM

My dad told me when he went to the doctor he asked her "Im not going to get violated on the first date am I ?" She replies back to him "I'm afraid so." Ouch.

blueballs · 12-20-2008, 09:31 AM

If you've made it this far in life
with out taking it in the ass before
a statue of you should be cast

Adept Havelock · 12-20-2008, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blueballs

If you've made it this far in life
with out taking it in the ass before
a statue of you should be cast

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mal Reynolds

It's my estimation that every man ever got a statue made of him was one kind of sommbitch or another.

kaplin42 · 12-20-2008, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mal Reynolds

It's my estimation that every man ever got a statue made of him was one kind of sommbitch or another.

Ha, just watched this episode two days ago, hilarious. Too bad the show got cancelled so soon.

**RNR** · 12-20-2008, 01:09 PM

Getting old does suck! I plan on dying peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa...not screaming for my life like the people riding with him in the car...old joke still funny though.

**Iowanian** · 12-20-2008, 10:11 AM

I remember the first time a doc tried that on me.

I was 17, having a fairly serious health event, sent to the U. A young, Brainy-Smurf looking resident/student doc came in to do a physical, and I'd never had a complete physical before.

Towards the end, he starts putting on a glove and asks me to take my pants down....and you could suggest at that time in my life that I wasn't exactly open minded about a dude touching me, especially in the pants area.

I asked him what he had in mind, and he said he was going to check my #$&#*^(! and I said "WHAT!?? how do you check that?" and he mentioned his hand and finger and my anus.

I pretty much came uncorked, offered to break his arm off and beat him to death with it(or some other form of communicating my feelings on the issue). I remember hearing the conversation he had with my folks outside the door as he left, and seeing giant, capitol letters on my physical that said "ADAMANTLY REFUSED RECTAL EXAM".

Now, as life is playing yet another joke on me, there is no avoiding the fact that some doctor is about to see my bull riding scar.....I'm fairy certain a periscope is about to check me for oil in the not too distant future.

My sympathy to you sir.

Molitoth · 12-20-2008, 11:39 AM

The worst I've experienced is a qtip in the pee pee hole.

JuicesFlowing · 12-20-2008, 01:05 PM

Thank God I have 8-10 more years before that Alien Abduction ...

12-19-2008, 09:28 PM	Topic Starter
unlurking MVP Join Date: Aug 2003 Casino cash: $7737309	Missing from The Book of Life... Ever had those moments in life where you REALLY wish someone had warned you about something, but instead you found out the hard way? I'm hitting that certain age where a doctor visit now includes an "intimate encounter" that leaves you feeling violated. Why did no one warn me about trying to rush down a long flight of cement steps after enduring this procedure? Maybe the heel-to-toe gait should have warned me I'd have trouble clearing that first step, but the "strength of pucker to length of stride" ratio was not something my mind was pondering at the time. Getting old sucks.
Posts: 10,620

12-19-2008, 10:13 PM	#3
bobbymitch Starter Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Midwest coast Casino cash: $9893512	Finally something that I know something about! You could set the mood by singing “Moon River” as you bend over the table. Never say “Okay, your turn.” If you feel a bit gay, then switch to a good looking female doctor. Turning your head and coughing could be a whole new experience.
Posts: 655

12-19-2008, 11:48 PM	#6
el borracho In Pat We Trust Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Albuquerque, NM Casino cash: $6099148	My doctor tried to embarrass me like that but I tricked him by liking it.
Posts: 11,845

12-20-2008, 02:04 AM	#8
royr17 MVP Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Lovin my kids Casino cash: $1748676	My dad told me when he went to the doctor he asked her "Im not going to get violated on the first date am I ?" She replies back to him "I'm afraid so." Ouch.
Posts: 6,194

12-20-2008, 09:31 AM	#9
blueballs Banned Join Date: Feb 2006 Casino cash: $10004900	If you've made it this far in life with out taking it in the ass before a statue of you should be cast
Posts: 14,233

12-20-2008, 01:09 PM	#12
RNR America is great assholes~ Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: In some people's mind~ Casino cash: $10027990	Getting old does suck! I plan on dying peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa...not screaming for my life like the people riding with him in the car...old joke still funny though. __________________ The Trump campaign and Black Lives Matter movement are perfect for each other. Both sides filled with easily led and angry nitwits convinced they are victims~
Posts: 31,085

12-20-2008, 10:11 AM	#13
Iowanian Supporter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Utopia Casino cash: $4638454	I remember the first time a doc tried that on me. I was 17, having a fairly serious health event, sent to the U. A young, Brainy-Smurf looking resident/student doc came in to do a physical, and I'd never had a complete physical before. Towards the end, he starts putting on a glove and asks me to take my pants down....and you could suggest at that time in my life that I wasn't exactly open minded about a dude touching me, especially in the pants area. I asked him what he had in mind, and he said he was going to check my #$&#*^(! and I said "WHAT!?? how do you check that?" and he mentioned his hand and finger and my anus. I pretty much came uncorked, offered to break his arm off and beat him to death with it(or some other form of communicating my feelings on the issue). I remember hearing the conversation he had with my folks outside the door as he left, and seeing giant, capitol letters on my physical that said "ADAMANTLY REFUSED RECTAL EXAM". Now, as life is playing yet another joke on me, there is no avoiding the fact that some doctor is about to see my bull riding scar.....I'm fairy certain a periscope is about to check me for oil in the not too distant future. My sympathy to you sir.
Posts: 61,556

12-20-2008, 11:39 AM	#14
Molitoth Mahomes Fanboi Join Date: Apr 2004 Casino cash: $2784969	The worst I've experienced is a qtip in the pee pee hole.
Posts: 19,487

12-20-2008, 01:05 PM	#15
JuicesFlowing Losing with passion. Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Oblivion Casino cash: $10004925	Thank God I have 8-10 more years before that Alien Abduction ...
Posts: 4,399