Life Your Doomsday Preparation Guide

**Rain Man** · 12-17-2012, 12:51 PM

December 21st is likely arriving faster than you expect. Have you been working to prepare for it? If not, here are a few last-minute survival tips for you, and everyone should feel free to add their own. Let's all get through this thing and band together into a tribe to take over the world, or whatever remains of it.

1. Identify your most prepared neighbor and determine how to kill this person quickly so you can take their stuff. You might consider taking a hostage from their household on the evening of December 20th.

2. Gummy bears have a long shelf life and are particularly resistant to radiation.

3. In a post-apocalyptic world, fertile people will be valuable in repopulating the earth. Consider buying a cup or other protective device. Lacking that, place a pillow in your pants for the first few days after the event.

4. You can drink water out of your toilet tank, your hot water heater, and your car radiator. Additionally, water tends to pool in craters.

5. A jaguar-skin robe may make the returning alien Mayans believe that you are royalty. Consider this purchase in the next few days.

6. In the event of a supervolcano, run directly away from the gigantic, fiery plume. Do not run parallel to the gigantic, fiery plume and do not run toward the gigantic, fiery plume. We cannot emphasize this enough.

7. Potential new currencies after the event include canned goods, attractive women, camels, unopened cans of Dr. Pepper, and crossbow bolts. Plan accordingly.

8. If you have a cadaver-sniffing dog, lock it up for the first few days to keep it from being overstimulated.

9. If the sun explodes, do not look directly at it. Use a pinhole camera or welder's goggles until they burst into flames, and then drop them.

10. Seek peace with any roaches in your household, because you and they will need to ally when you're the only living beings left on earth. Leave a little sugar water out on the evening of December 20th to help build the relationship.

KurtCobain · 12-17-2012, 12:54 PM

I let my roaches smoke my roaches so we're tight now.

seclark · 12-17-2012, 12:56 PM

had a guy pump out the septic tank last week. maybe i should have waited?
sec

tooge · 12-17-2012, 01:00 PM

Well, the good news?

This is the LAST MONDAY EVAR!!!!!!!!!!!

The bad news?
I always liked BBqing on saturdays

**Rain Man** · 12-17-2012, 01:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seclark

had a guy pump out the septic tank last week. maybe i should have waited?
sec

A clean septic tank makes for an excellent spontaneous fallout shelter. Avoid Mexican food for the next week and be sure to seal the baggies containing your emergency sandwiches.

seclark · 12-17-2012, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

A clean septic tank makes for an excellent spontaneous fallout shelter. Avoid Mexican food for the next week and be sure to seal the baggies containing your emergency sandwiches.

done.
tia
sec

BoneKrusher · 12-17-2012, 01:07 PM

be sure to soak your dentures, remember first impressions count.

journeyscarab · 12-17-2012, 01:39 PM

Going straight to heaven, so no worries or planning here. LOL!

**Rausch** · 12-17-2012, 01:43 PM

The best long term strategy would be to identify the preppers and then overtake them...

**Scorp** · 12-17-2012, 01:49 PM

We will all be dead and Matt Casshole will be the chosen one to repopulate the earth!

Bump · 12-17-2012, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rausch

The best long term strategy would be to identify the preppers and then overtake them...

I'm pretty sure preppers have thought of that. Good luck, you're no better than a thief and murderer.

**Rain Man** · 12-17-2012, 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bump

I'm pretty sure preppers have thought of that. Good luck, you're no better than a thief and murderer.

That's what it will take to survive this time next week. It's not murder, it's darwinism.

seclark · 12-17-2012, 01:55 PM

someone's gonna knock bump in the head and steal his dope.
sec

**Rain Man** · 12-17-2012, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seclark

someone's gonna knock bump in the head and steal his dope.
sec

If it comes down to it, do you have any extra room in your septic tank for me, my wife, and our cat? We can bring several cans of soup and a lot of power bars.

seclark · 12-17-2012, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rain Man

If it comes down to it, do you have any extra room in your septic tank for me, my wife, and our cat? We can bring several cans of soup and a lot of power bars.

no room for the cat, sorry.
don't need cat hair all over the place.
sec

12-17-2012, 12:51 PM
Rain Man NFL's #1 Ermines Fan Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $2858491 VARSITY	Your Doomsday Preparation Guide December 21st is likely arriving faster than you expect. Have you been working to prepare for it? If not, here are a few last-minute survival tips for you, and everyone should feel free to add their own. Let's all get through this thing and band together into a tribe to take over the world, or whatever remains of it. 1. Identify your most prepared neighbor and determine how to kill this person quickly so you can take their stuff. You might consider taking a hostage from their household on the evening of December 20th. 2. Gummy bears have a long shelf life and are particularly resistant to radiation. 3. In a post-apocalyptic world, fertile people will be valuable in repopulating the earth. Consider buying a cup or other protective device. Lacking that, place a pillow in your pants for the first few days after the event. 4. You can drink water out of your toilet tank, your hot water heater, and your car radiator. Additionally, water tends to pool in craters. 5. A jaguar-skin robe may make the returning alien Mayans believe that you are royalty. Consider this purchase in the next few days. 6. In the event of a supervolcano, run directly away from the gigantic, fiery plume. Do not run parallel to the gigantic, fiery plume and do not run toward the gigantic, fiery plume. We cannot emphasize this enough. 7. Potential new currencies after the event include canned goods, attractive women, camels, unopened cans of Dr. Pepper, and crossbow bolts. Plan accordingly. 8. If you have a cadaver-sniffing dog, lock it up for the first few days to keep it from being overstimulated. 9. If the sun explodes, do not look directly at it. Use a pinhole camera or welder's goggles until they burst into flames, and then drop them. 10. Seek peace with any roaches in your household, because you and they will need to ally when you're the only living beings left on earth. Leave a little sugar water out on the evening of December 20th to help build the relationship.
Posts: 141,824

12-17-2012, 12:54 PM	#2
KurtCobain legend Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Independence, MO Casino cash: $-1897903	I let my roaches smoke my roaches so we're tight now.
Posts: 28,414

12-17-2012, 12:56 PM	#3
seclark MVP Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: nemo Casino cash: $1229900	had a guy pump out the septic tank last week. maybe i should have waited? sec __________________ "Mr. seclark. Wrong for gravy, wrong for jelly, wrong for biscuits." -rj "If every Planeteer who was disliked by another Planeteer stopped being a Planeteer we wouldn't have any Planeteers." -rj
Posts: 13,406

12-17-2012, 01:00 PM	#4
tooge MVP Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Liberty, MO Casino cash: $3564112	Well, the good news? This is the LAST MONDAY EVAR!!!!!!!!!!! The bad news? I always liked BBqing on saturdays
Posts: 15,252

12-17-2012, 01:07 PM	#7
BoneKrusher That's Right Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Bluefield, Virginia Casino cash: $9976645	be sure to soak your dentures, remember first impressions count. __________________ "MaHomes/MaAuto"
Posts: 7,333

12-17-2012, 01:39 PM	#8
journeyscarab SHOCKERS BABY! Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Overland Park, KS Casino cash: $3473555	Going straight to heaven, so no worries or planning here. LOL!
Posts: 3,414

12-17-2012, 01:49 PM	#10
Scorp Whiskey Tango Foxtrot OVER! Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Hell Casino cash: $6629000	We will all be dead and Matt Casshole will be the chosen one to repopulate the earth! __________________
Posts: 4,507

12-17-2012, 01:55 PM	#13
seclark MVP Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: nemo Casino cash: $1229900	someone's gonna knock bump in the head and steal his dope. sec __________________ "Mr. seclark. Wrong for gravy, wrong for jelly, wrong for biscuits." -rj "If every Planeteer who was disliked by another Planeteer stopped being a Planeteer we wouldn't have any Planeteers." -rj
Posts: 13,406