This has been a bad day

DRfroggE · 08:54 PM

This has been a bad day for me. My daughter just told me the best and worst news I have heard.

The good part is that she's having a baby.

The bad part is that she's only 15.

I was reading the newpaper today and Angela (my daughter) came and broke it to me. I was mad at her at first, but my wife told me to calm down. The worst part is that she doesn't know who the father is. She told me she had slept with so many men. Now all this stress...

My other daughter (Cassandra, 13) I fear, is taking her sister's path also. She has been sneaking out of the house the past few nights (I think) and me and Kate (my wife) found a bag of condoms under her bed. When we caught her sneaking out one night, she wouldn't tell us where she was going and we had a big fight.

I know she's probably having sex, but how do I find out without outright asking her? Any suggestions?

chiefsfan58 · 05-12-2001, 08:59 PM

Oh man, I feel for you. I really don't have much experience with teenage girls, but you need to keep her inside the house. If one of your daughters has done this, it is very likely that your other will as well. In my experience, trying to disipline by force doesn't usually help, but in th is case, you might need too. Try to talk to her, and explain to her that her life could be ruined just like her sisters if she does this kind of thing.

Hope this helps you, and good luck.

NaptownChief · 05-12-2001, 09:10 PM

DR,

I greatly feel for you...That is a tough day.

As for your youngest daughter...I understand the subtle approach in case your assumptions are wrong but once you found the bag of condoms the subtle approach should have left the building...

I guess the one positive thing coming from your oldest daughter unfortunate situation is that your youngest one should get a real wake up call about reality and the consequences....

Good Luck

tommykat · 05-12-2001, 09:11 PM

I am so sorry~
I did this to my parents at 17. The only good thing was I knew who it was. My boyfriend of 6 years. But to my misfortune, neither parents would allow us to have the baby. So they made me terminate it. I still think about that. At least I know I have a child in heaven I will see one day.
I also know the fear your daughter was and is feeling right now. Try to be patient and just love her. Nothing will make her fell better than to have the love of her Mom and Dad right now! I promise you that. As for your younger daughter? Time for you to be the parent and stop letting the children run you and your wife. If she is sneaking out a simple soultion...hard to do, but works...is to tell her you will call the Juvenile Hall and let them pick her up and she can spend the night there to think. Just continue to re enforce your love. I will left you up in my prayers.
Kathy

Frazod · 05-12-2001, 09:20 PM

Damn, that's rough. Add another reason to why I don't want to have kids.

Hopefully, when your younger daughter sees what your older daughter goes through, it will serve as a wake up call.

Don't know what to tell you about the oldest (seems the damage is done), but couple of suggestions for the youngest:

1. I would employ some Wrath of God discipline.

2. Be a sneaking bastard and follow your youngest around. Remember that teenages are naturally stupid, and also naturally underestimate the intelligence of their parents. Figure out who she's with and come down on him like nuclear death. Talk to the kid's parents as well.

3. I don't know what kind of area you live in, but if its not a good one, for your kids' sakes, you should consider moving. I personally live in a neighborhood in Chicago where I would absolutely never raise children (but not for long). It may be a b!tch, but relocating to a calmer environment could help.

No 13 year old should be having sex, but at least if you found condoms, that means she's using them. Of course, we all know the damn things break from time to time, and that no teenager is exactly a bastion of responsibility. Time to nip this crap in the bud.

California Injun · 05-12-2001, 11:13 PM

DRFrogg,

I work in a medical clinic as a RN and see numerous High School girls coming in for birth control counseling. We hook them up with BC pills or the very popular DepoProva injection.

This injection lasts 3 months and is basically a Godsend to these very "active" young girls.

Be thankful your youngest is utilizing some form of birth control at this tender age. You already know what happened with your 15 year old.

My advice is for you to have a heart-to-heart with noth of your daughters and give them your love and support during these experimental times.

Far better to know what they are doing then to have them sneak around on you.

**BigMeatballDave** · 05-12-2001, 11:48 PM

kat - did you want to keep the baby? If so you had every
right. I am pro-choice, but no one should ever be forced to have an abortion! Unless, of course, the mothers life is at risk. I have a sister 2 years older than me that became pregnant at 16. Our folks left it up to her - and
supported her. He is now 16.

old_geezer · 05-13-2001, 06:16 AM

DR

That indeed was a tough day. I am not a counselor but I would like to offer a few words of encouragement.
First, as others have already said, the experience of the older daughter may well serve as an example to the younger as a warning to her that all actions have consequences.
Second, now is the time to mend some bridges with your older daughter. She no doubt is very scared and feeling like she has no one to go to for help. Now is the time to love her and encourage her and show her that she is very special to you and that you are there to help her through this rough spot. Stick by her during the tough times and she will remember when you both walk out together on the other side.

Katie · 05-13-2001, 06:50 AM

DR - sounds like your family could use a little communication enrichment. Please don't sneak around trying to find out what your daughters are up to. That will only create defiance and animosity.

My best advice to you, if you can't establish a trusting, open relationship with your kids, get your family to a good family counsellor. Your kids and even you may resist, but the rewards can be huge if you find someone who can help you build a trusting relationship with your family...

Don't give up getting control back...be supportive but firm!

stevieray · 05-13-2001, 07:32 AM

For having the courage to tell you. I think the fact that she was honest with you says she feels safe enough to trust you.

I feel for you, man, but I have to tell you I'm surprised but not shocked. Today's society has children who are treated like adults in almost all facets of life. The word teenager is almost obsolete. We can't keep exposing children to adult situations and issues, and not expect them to grow up too fast. Look at Btrittany Spears...That pepsi commercial isn't about Soda.

Handle this with a open and understanding heart. Not only will it help you 15 year old, your younger daughter will be watching you like a hawk to see how you deal this.

Good luck. And pray. lots.

tommykat · 05-13-2001, 08:39 AM

kchiefs30
OH yeah I wanted my child!! But at 17 almost underage
and the fact that it was 1975 the parents told us what to do then. Not a day goes by that I don't wonder if it was a girl or boy. Since I didn't have children in my marriage this hurts 200% more too. But, again back then we never went againist our parents. We tried, but it was just "we are just kids" it would ruin our lives...da da da...
So I understand what our fellow friend is going through very well. But if they love her and support her they will sure see a little girl grow up into a lovely woman. I did, even though my parents didn't allow me to make my choice...;) At 42 it's easy to see what they were thinking. Trying to protect us from the hardships and missing out on what they thought we would. But again, my faith allows me to know I will see my child one day, and I look forward to that!!!

DRfroggE · 05-13-2001, 07:04 PM

Sorry I could not reply so quickly, me and my son went morrell mushroom hunting.

Thank you for all your helpful advice and support. Our family is very conservative, so I do not believe in abortion. We are going to keep the baby, and my daughter promises she will try to stay in school. It will be hard, but I think it can be done.

As for my youngest daughter, I haven't talked to her yet about this problem. I'm still not sure about how to approach this. I was thinking about sitting her down and asking her about what she's been up to the past few days, and telling her the things that may come out of having sex. Is that a good way of approaching the subject? Then I think I should punish her, grounding her for a week? What is your opinion on how to keep children from doing these things?

I have a friend (his name is Brian) who had a 12 year old who smoked marijuana and had sex. Thankfully she did not have a child. Brian somehow got her to change and she makes A's in school now.

AJKCFAN · 05-13-2001, 07:28 PM

Everyone here has had very well thought out points.

I'd like to add the following:

Nothing will have as great as an effect on either of your girls than seeing the effects of pregnancy. If it's a particularly rough pregnancy (especially for a teenager), then it will have a profound impact on both of your girls. Neither will be in a rush to get to that point and it might be the best way of proving your point.

Usually kids who are promiscous are in a rebellion mode... but what could they be rebelling against? You'd know better than I.

I do wish you all the luck in the world, as well as that of your daughter's pregnancy. Hopefully, everything will turn out alright...

05-14-2001, 07:43 AM

First thing I would do is consult a professional instead of football fans on a BB. I realize there is some great advice and insite here, but its your daughter, not an office football pool.

I definitely aggree that your support is important.

My dad's theory on keeping us out of trouble was "If we were busy working, we didn't have time to get into trouble." We lived on a farm though, so there were more options for chores, splitting wood etc....but we still had part time jobs off the farm.

If they want to act like grow-ups and accept grownup responsibilities...I say treat them like grownups...let them get jobs, charge them rent(small amount for effect) etc.....Maybe they'll figure out its more fun to be a kid as long as they can.

good luck.

Lightning Rod · 05-14-2001, 08:53 AM

OMG, this truly scares me. While my children are not yet at the age I have to worry about this (7 girl, 5 boy) It will be here soon. With your younger daughter I would suggest telling her that abstinence is the only truly safe way to be. That being said I understand reality, you might consider having her put on the pill, or Norplant, and explain (as scary as it is) that there are things much worse than pregnancy.

05-12-2001, 08:51 PM
DRfroggE Rookie Join Date: May 2001 Location: Raytown Casino cash: $10004900	This has been a bad day for me. My daughter just told me the best and worst news I have heard. The good part is that she's having a baby. The bad part is that she's only 15. I was reading the newpaper today and Angela (my daughter) came and broke it to me. I was mad at her at first, but my wife told me to calm down. The worst part is that she doesn't know who the father is. She told me she had slept with so many men. Now all this stress... My other daughter (Cassandra, 13) I fear, is taking her sister's path also. She has been sneaking out of the house the past few nights (I think) and me and Kate (my wife) found a bag of condoms under her bed. When we caught her sneaking out one night, she wouldn't tell us where she was going and we had a big fight. I know she's probably having sex, but how do I find out without outright asking her? Any suggestions? Last edited by DRfroggE; 05-12-2001 at 08:54 PM..
Posts: 4

05-12-2001, 08:59 PM	#2
chiefsfan58 ultimate chiefs fan Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: san francisco Casino cash: $2266421	Oh man, I feel for you. I really don't have much experience with teenage girls, but you need to keep her inside the house. If one of your daughters has done this, it is very likely that your other will as well. In my experience, trying to disipline by force doesn't usually help, but in th is case, you might need too. Try to talk to her, and explain to her that her life could be ruined just like her sisters if she does this kind of thing. Hope this helps you, and good luck. __________________ Arash ...!
Posts: 749

05-12-2001, 09:10 PM	#3
NaptownChief Football Pimp Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Indianapolis,IN Casino cash: $9974900	DR, I greatly feel for you...That is a tough day. As for your youngest daughter...I understand the subtle approach in case your assumptions are wrong but once you found the bag of condoms the subtle approach should have left the building... I guess the one positive thing coming from your oldest daughter unfortunate situation is that your youngest one should get a real wake up call about reality and the consequences.... Good Luck __________________ "We weren't worth a damn," the Kansas City Chiefs head coach said, shaking his head. "I'm not worth a damn. No one's worth a damn..." Former President of the Eric Downing Fan Club and Current President of the Kris"Secret Weapon"Wilson Fan Club
Posts: 4,357

05-12-2001, 09:11 PM	#4
tommykat zzzz Kats always Join Date: Mar 2001 Casino cash: $10004925	I am so sorry~ I did this to my parents at 17. The only good thing was I knew who it was. My boyfriend of 6 years. But to my misfortune, neither parents would allow us to have the baby. So they made me terminate it. I still think about that. At least I know I have a child in heaven I will see one day. I also know the fear your daughter was and is feeling right now. Try to be patient and just love her. Nothing will make her fell better than to have the love of her Mom and Dad right now! I promise you that. As for your younger daughter? Time for you to be the parent and stop letting the children run you and your wife. If she is sneaking out a simple soultion...hard to do, but works...is to tell her you will call the Juvenile Hall and let them pick her up and she can spend the night there to think. Just continue to re enforce your love. I will left you up in my prayers. Kathy __________________ Take that KC helmet and just
Posts: 4,004

05-12-2001, 09:20 PM	#5
Frazod WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS Join Date: Aug 2000 Casino cash: $2695085	Damn, that's rough. Add another reason to why I don't want to have kids. Hopefully, when your younger daughter sees what your older daughter goes through, it will serve as a wake up call. Don't know what to tell you about the oldest (seems the damage is done), but couple of suggestions for the youngest: 1. I would employ some Wrath of God discipline. 2. Be a sneaking bastard and follow your youngest around. Remember that teenages are naturally stupid, and also naturally underestimate the intelligence of their parents. Figure out who she's with and come down on him like nuclear death. Talk to the kid's parents as well. 3. I don't know what kind of area you live in, but if its not a good one, for your kids' sakes, you should consider moving. I personally live in a neighborhood in Chicago where I would absolutely never raise children (but not for long). It may be a b!tch, but relocating to a calmer environment could help. No 13 year old should be having sex, but at least if you found condoms, that means she's using them. Of course, we all know the damn things break from time to time, and that no teenager is exactly a bastion of responsibility. Time to nip this crap in the bud.
Posts: 119,554

05-12-2001, 11:13 PM	#6
California Injun Bucs 48 Raiders 21 Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: San Andreas, CA. USA Casino cash: $10004900	DRFrogg, I work in a medical clinic as a RN and see numerous High School girls coming in for birth control counseling. We hook them up with BC pills or the very popular DepoProva injection. This injection lasts 3 months and is basically a Godsend to these very "active" young girls. Be thankful your youngest is utilizing some form of birth control at this tender age. You already know what happened with your 15 year old. My advice is for you to have a heart-to-heart with noth of your daughters and give them your love and support during these experimental times. Far better to know what they are doing then to have them sneak around on you. __________________ I just made $13,000 on the Chiefs!!! Once they win the Super Bowl I'll be counting my winnings. (13:1 @ Lake Tahoe Horizon Sportsbook).
Posts: 522

05-12-2001, 11:48 PM	#7
BigMeatballDave GBM 8-12-15 Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Dayton, Oh. Casino cash: $10052154	kat - did you want to keep the baby? If so you had every right. I am pro-choice, but no one should ever be forced to have an abortion! Unless, of course, the mothers life is at risk. I have a sister 2 years older than me that became pregnant at 16. Our folks left it up to her - and supported her. He is now 16. __________________ 2015 Adopt-a-Chief: Tamba Hali
Posts: 59,997

05-13-2001, 06:16 AM	#8
old_geezer bite me Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Windsor, Mo. Casino cash: $1054738	DR That indeed was a tough day. I am not a counselor but I would like to offer a few words of encouragement. First, as others have already said, the experience of the older daughter may well serve as an example to the younger as a warning to her that all actions have consequences. Second, now is the time to mend some bridges with your older daughter. She no doubt is very scared and feeling like she has no one to go to for help. Now is the time to love her and encourage her and show her that she is very special to you and that you are there to help her through this rough spot. Stick by her during the tough times and she will remember when you both walk out together on the other side. __________________ If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Posts: 2,153

05-13-2001, 06:50 AM	#9
Katie Starter Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Home of the Braves Casino cash: $5395011	DR - sounds like your family could use a little communication enrichment. Please don't sneak around trying to find out what your daughters are up to. That will only create defiance and animosity. My best advice to you, if you can't establish a trusting, open relationship with your kids, get your family to a good family counsellor. Your kids and even you may resist, but the rewards can be huge if you find someone who can help you build a trusting relationship with your family... Don't give up getting control back...be supportive but firm!
Posts: 856

05-13-2001, 07:32 AM	#10
stevieray best in the biz Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Under Pressure Casino cash: $2155273	praise her! For having the courage to tell you. I think the fact that she was honest with you says she feels safe enough to trust you. I feel for you, man, but I have to tell you I'm surprised but not shocked. Today's society has children who are treated like adults in almost all facets of life. The word teenager is almost obsolete. We can't keep exposing children to adult situations and issues, and not expect them to grow up too fast. Look at Btrittany Spears...That pepsi commercial isn't about Soda. Handle this with a open and understanding heart. Not only will it help you 15 year old, your younger daughter will be watching you like a hawk to see how you deal this. Good luck. And pray. lots.
Posts: 71,485

05-13-2001, 08:39 AM	#11
tommykat zzzz Kats always Join Date: Mar 2001 Casino cash: $10004925	kchiefs30 OH yeah I wanted my child!! But at 17 almost underage and the fact that it was 1975 the parents told us what to do then. Not a day goes by that I don't wonder if it was a girl or boy. Since I didn't have children in my marriage this hurts 200% more too. But, again back then we never went againist our parents. We tried, but it was just "we are just kids" it would ruin our lives...da da da... So I understand what our fellow friend is going through very well. But if they love her and support her they will sure see a little girl grow up into a lovely woman. I did, even though my parents didn't allow me to make my choice...;) At 42 it's easy to see what they were thinking. Trying to protect us from the hardships and missing out on what they thought we would. But again, my faith allows me to know I will see my child one day, and I look forward to that!!! __________________ Take that KC helmet and just
Posts: 4,004

05-13-2001, 07:04 PM	#12
DRfroggE Rookie Join Date: May 2001 Location: Raytown Casino cash: $10004900	Sorry I could not reply so quickly, me and my son went morrell mushroom hunting. Thank you for all your helpful advice and support. Our family is very conservative, so I do not believe in abortion. We are going to keep the baby, and my daughter promises she will try to stay in school. It will be hard, but I think it can be done. As for my youngest daughter, I haven't talked to her yet about this problem. I'm still not sure about how to approach this. I was thinking about sitting her down and asking her about what she's been up to the past few days, and telling her the things that may come out of having sex. Is that a good way of approaching the subject? Then I think I should punish her, grounding her for a week? What is your opinion on how to keep children from doing these things? I have a friend (his name is Brian) who had a 12 year old who smoked marijuana and had sex. Thankfully she did not have a child. Brian somehow got her to change and she makes A's in school now.
Posts: 4

05-13-2001, 07:28 PM	#13
AJKCFAN Head Chief, Esq. Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: New York Casino cash: $1911798	Everyone here has had very well thought out points. I'd like to add the following: Nothing will have as great as an effect on either of your girls than seeing the effects of pregnancy. If it's a particularly rough pregnancy (especially for a teenager), then it will have a profound impact on both of your girls. Neither will be in a rush to get to that point and it might be the best way of proving your point. Usually kids who are promiscous are in a rebellion mode... but what could they be rebelling against? You'd know better than I. I do wish you all the luck in the world, as well as that of your daughter's pregnancy. Hopefully, everything will turn out alright...
Posts: 926

05-14-2001, 07:43 AM	#14
Iowanian Guest Casino cash: $	First thing I would do is consult a professional instead of football fans on a BB. I realize there is some great advice and insite here, but its your daughter, not an office football pool. I definitely aggree that your support is important. My dad's theory on keeping us out of trouble was "If we were busy working, we didn't have time to get into trouble." We lived on a farm though, so there were more options for chores, splitting wood etc....but we still had part time jobs off the farm. If they want to act like grow-ups and accept grownup responsibilities...I say treat them like grownups...let them get jobs, charge them rent(small amount for effect) etc.....Maybe they'll figure out its more fun to be a kid as long as they can. good luck.
Posts: n/a

05-14-2001, 08:53 AM	#15
Lightning Rod Need a new title Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Prairie Village Casino cash: $10004900	OMG, this truly scares me. While my children are not yet at the age I have to worry about this (7 girl, 5 boy) It will be here soon. With your younger daughter I would suggest telling her that abstinence is the only truly safe way to be. That being said I understand reality, you might consider having her put on the pill, or Norplant, and explain (as scary as it is) that there are things much worse than pregnancy.
Posts: 1,151