Dear Internet Porn

**pr_capone** · 01-08-2008, 02:02 PM

Dear Internet Porn,

These last ten years have been quite a trip, have they not? My letter to you now, however, is not one of celebration... I don't feel like we are the same anymore. We just don't have that passion we used to.

When we first met I was a loser, and you were there for me. My parents told me that you were no good for me, but I didn't listen. You showed me that there were plenty of people like myself getting laid. It was beautiful and passionate. Your softcore erotic videos were a tasteful introduction to my budding sexuality.

As I got older I started seeing girls on the side. I knew you were jealous, but you have always held a special place in my heart. You became naughtier and it affected my relationships. I started wanting all the things I had seen you do. I wanted to be just like you. I wanted to cover my girlfriend's face, put it up her ass, choke her.

But that's when I realized your dark secret, Internet Porn. You aren't real: you are a fake and shallow individual. No girl wants a load on her face! Anal sex hurts and humiliates, and choking only leads to bruises that friends and loved ones ask about. You lied to me and changed my sexual expectations. Now no girl can please me.

I know it isn't all bad. You've taught me so much. I can surf the internet with either hand and I know all the keyboard shortcuts for my browser. I know positions that aren't even in the Kamasutra. But you have such a dark side. I've been late for work more than once and I find myself wanting to jerkoff at six in the morning. That's what you've done to me.

Even now, on the eve of Christ's birth, I sit hunched over my computer, penis in hand. I had to turn the nativity scene around so that Jesus wouldn't see your filth. Try as I might, I can never hide you well enough either. It is harder to find you squirreled away on my hard drive than it is to get into my online bank account. Yet there is always lingering evidence. I've told you time and again to stop leaving your things at my place. But you ALWAYS forget something: a shortcut here, an unclear history there.

There's no acceptance when you are discovered either. It might have been ok when we started - just innocent flirting with softcore. But now my girlfriends discover my asphyxiation collection, or that one goat video. I hate that you always invite your shadiest friends over when you come.

So I have one request. I know I can't get rid of you... you are the psychopathic stalker to my teenage horror film. But if you won't leave me alone, can you at least do me one favor? If I ever die, can you please format my hard drive? All of them? If you can't do that, just burn my place down. My family can never know of my shame.

- Your shamed lover

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/518589816.html

LMFAO

ChiefsCountry · 01-08-2008, 02:05 PM

I thought it was pron?

88TG88 · 01-08-2008, 02:07 PM

What a quitter

Mr. Plow · 01-08-2008, 02:09 PM

Jilly · 01-08-2008, 02:10 PM

that's somewhat brilliant

ChiefaRoo · 01-08-2008, 02:10 PM

For a minute I thought PR had developed writing skills.

**The Franchise** · 01-08-2008, 02:15 PM

How dare you post my article and not even give me credit.

dshyne101 · 01-08-2008, 02:15 PM

JadaFire 4 President!!!

Rooster · 01-08-2008, 02:18 PM

Very funny. A guy I work with lost his wife because he was addicted the internet pron. Sad really but in a funny way.

**Mr. Flopnuts** · 01-08-2008, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rooster

Very funny. A guy I work with lost his wife because he was addicted the internet pron. Sad really but in a funny way.

Sad that the bitch left him over nekkid pictures. My wife hated it at first, now she says "You're a man." She's ****in right too. Don't blame me, blame my penis.

greg63 · 01-08-2008, 02:23 PM

Quote:

When we first met I was a loser...

...And obviously still is.

**pr_capone** · 01-08-2008, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChiefaRoo

For a minute I thought PR had developed writing skills.

I have MAD writing skillz yo.... I just simply choose not to share that side of myself with the barbarians on this board.

LOL

Rooster · 01-08-2008, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by milkman Jr

Sad that the bitch left him over nekkid pictures. My wife hated it at first, now she says "You're a man." She's ****in right too. Don't blame me, blame my penis.

LOL.. From my understanding of the situation it got a lot weirder than just a few naked pictures.

kstater · 01-08-2008, 03:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rooster

LOL.. From my understanding of the situation it got a lot weirder than just a few naked pictures.

Any Links?

88TG88 · 01-08-2008, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pestilenceaf23

How dare you post my article and not even give me credit.

lol, ya right. Like you would ever give up internet porn

01-08-2008, 02:02 PM
pr_capone ** SOC & ** YOU Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Chiefs Hell Casino cash: $10018214	Dear Internet Porn Dear Internet Porn, These last ten years have been quite a trip, have they not? My letter to you now, however, is not one of celebration... I don't feel like we are the same anymore. We just don't have that passion we used to. When we first met I was a loser, and you were there for me. My parents told me that you were no good for me, but I didn't listen. You showed me that there were plenty of people like myself getting laid. It was beautiful and passionate. Your softcore erotic videos were a tasteful introduction to my budding sexuality. As I got older I started seeing girls on the side. I knew you were jealous, but you have always held a special place in my heart. You became naughtier and it affected my relationships. I started wanting all the things I had seen you do. I wanted to be just like you. I wanted to cover my girlfriend's face, put it up her ass, choke her. But that's when I realized your dark secret, Internet Porn. You aren't real: you are a fake and shallow individual. No girl wants a load on her face! Anal sex hurts and humiliates, and choking only leads to bruises that friends and loved ones ask about. You lied to me and changed my sexual expectations. Now no girl can please me. I know it isn't all bad. You've taught me so much. I can surf the internet with either hand and I know all the keyboard shortcuts for my browser. I know positions that aren't even in the Kamasutra. But you have such a dark side. I've been late for work more than once and I find myself wanting to jerkoff at six in the morning. That's what you've done to me. Even now, on the eve of Christ's birth, I sit hunched over my computer, penis in hand. I had to turn the nativity scene around so that Jesus wouldn't see your filth. Try as I might, I can never hide you well enough either. It is harder to find you squirreled away on my hard drive than it is to get into my online bank account. Yet there is always lingering evidence. I've told you time and again to stop leaving your things at my place. But you ALWAYS forget something: a shortcut here, an unclear history there. There's no acceptance when you are discovered either. It might have been ok when we started - just innocent flirting with softcore. But now my girlfriends discover my asphyxiation collection, or that one goat video. I hate that you always invite your shadiest friends over when you come. So I have one request. I know I can't get rid of you... you are the psychopathic stalker to my teenage horror film. But if you won't leave me alone, can you at least do me one favor? If I ever die, can you please format my hard drive? All of them? If you can't do that, just burn my place down. My family can never know of my shame. - Your shamed lover http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/518589816.html LMFAO
Posts: 19,884

01-08-2008, 02:05 PM	#2
ChiefsCountry The Insider Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Lake of the Ozarks Casino cash: $2058752	I thought it was pron?
Posts: 49,748

01-08-2008, 02:07 PM	#3
88TG88 don't tell me about collage Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Los Angeles Casino cash: $10009184	What a quitter
Posts: 6,274

01-08-2008, 02:09 PM	#4
Mr. Plow In Search of a Life Join Date: Dec 2005 Casino cash: $1757391
Posts: 30,843

01-08-2008, 02:10 PM	#5
Jilly MVP Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Lee's Summit Casino cash: $10004925	that's somewhat brilliant __________________ "In most of our human relationships, we spend much of our time reassuring one another that our costumes of identity are on straight." — Ram Dass
Posts: 8,461

01-08-2008, 02:10 PM	#6
ChiefaRoo MVP Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Austin,TX Casino cash: $5027505	For a minute I thought PR had developed writing skills.
Posts: 11,855

01-08-2008, 02:15 PM	#7
The Franchise Most Valuable Villain Join Date: Dec 2006 Casino cash: $2845047	How dare you post my article and not even give me credit.
Posts: 92,296

01-08-2008, 02:15 PM	#8
dshyne101 Starter Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: S.C Casino cash: $10004900	JadaFire 4 President!!!
Posts: 91

01-08-2008, 02:18 PM	#9
Rooster Draft a QB Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: JoCo Casino cash: $9961689	Very funny. A guy I work with lost his wife because he was addicted the internet pron. Sad really but in a funny way. __________________ When Reno Hightower was a prick he was the best damn quarterback in the history of Kern County.
Posts: 5,753