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07-22-2008, 04:48 PM | Topic Starter |
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Alcoholic Brother Spiralling Out Of Control - Help
So my older brother is scaring me now. He has had personal issues that have been weighing him down and the personallity that he is, found alcohol and pot as his escape.
He and I were abused as children by our stepfather. This stepfather fled the country and has been on the run for 20+ years. Our half sister (her real father) has no memory of him and has always been curious. She knows what he did but part of her cannot help but want to know. Well, about a year ago she found him. I wasnt informed of this until about 2 months ago. Since then, my brother, sister and I have been getting things lined up to bring him to justice. However, my brother was never able to deal fully with all of the items from the past. He find out about this about 10 months ago. It caused him to quit his job as he couldnt focus and really, he has not been able to truly function since. While he tries to make it seem like he is OK and simply taking the time off (plenty of money in the bank)... he has been getting worse. Today, my father received an anonymous call from one of my brothers "friends" stating that just recently, it has been getting much worse and now everyone is worried about him. My father and I were already concerned and this has now just confirmed our worries. We just dont know what to do. Has anyone here had to deal with a situation with a loved one like this and if so, what CAN we do? |
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07-22-2008, 04:49 PM | #2 |
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First in with antifreeze.
In all seriousness, get him help.
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07-22-2008, 04:53 PM | #3 |
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But if he doesnt WANT help, is there anything more we can do is my problem...
We obviously want to get him help. I am personally concerned that suicide may be in the future for him if these things cannot be dealt with.
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07-22-2008, 04:59 PM | #4 |
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Intervention
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07-22-2008, 05:02 PM | #5 |
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Intervention is of course something that we will be doing...
I guess my question is more of the aspect that if he is an adult, and refuses help, is there anything further that we can do? I have calls into people that I know that have dealt with these types of issues before but wanted to see if anyone here really had any experience dealing with this before and could give me "first hand" information bsaed on their experience.
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07-22-2008, 05:15 PM | #6 | |
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Bottom line, you can not make some one quit. They have to decide for themselves, and until that happens... As far as the emotional/mental stuff going on, that is way over my head. |
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07-22-2008, 05:32 PM | #7 | |
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07-22-2008, 05:33 PM | #8 |
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Things have to be severe before any judge will declare an adult incompetent. My sister-in-law spent decades spiraling downward, countless visits to the ER, multiple near-death accidents (bleeding out of her throat, falling and bashing her head open, etc.) and it was only at the end that she was declared incompetent.
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07-22-2008, 05:00 PM | #9 | |
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If you truly think he is considering suicide, ask him to his face if that is what his intention is. You will know immediately. Good luck. |
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07-23-2008, 08:05 AM | #10 | |
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If he doesnt want help let him ride it out. i ts his trip. |
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07-22-2008, 04:54 PM | #11 |
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Dave, is the drinking new or has it always been there and the recent events exacerbated the problem?
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07-22-2008, 04:57 PM | #12 | |
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So, recent events have made it worse.
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07-22-2008, 04:59 PM | #13 |
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No clue here but my only advice would be to do SOMETHING. Keep in closer contact with him than normal, express your concerns and offer help of any kind. For people who have addictions the first stage in really getting better is to admit there is a problem and that they do need help. I have dealt with this to a much lesser extent and it took a while to help the person to see that they were hurting not only themselves but their loved ones too...once he saw that it was easier to help him help himself. Good luck.
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07-22-2008, 05:25 PM | #14 |
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In my experience (one alcoholic sister-in-law and one depressed close friend), there is only so much you can do to help someone. I would say that keeping your brother away from alcohol and drugs as much as possible is a good start. Literally knock the beer out of his hands if you see him with it. Try to get him to counseling. Try to get everyone who knows him aware of the problem and try to get them to offer support (phone calls, visits, counsel, etc.).
Sadly, you also need to prepare yourself as best as you can for the worst because, ultimately, your brother's depression and addiction are beyond your control. I wish I could be more encouraging but people have to help themselves. |
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07-22-2008, 05:35 PM | #15 |
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Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they wise up. Your brother will likely deplete his life savings, take out $100k in loans, and then finally hit rock bottom with or without your support.
Not trying to be a party pooper. That's just the way it is. Human beings are incredibly complex individuals - especially those of us with Freudian issues. |
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