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10-05-2008, 04:23 PM
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Topic Starter |
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Seize life. Be an ermine.
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: My house
Casino cash: $-462449
 VARSITY
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Place Herm and Carl in Other Historical Situations
The exercise: assume that, instead of the actual historical figures, Herm and/or Carl were the key historical figures, and discuss the implications of this change.
I'll start: Herm and Carl Attack Pearl Harbor On December 7th, 1941, at 7:56 a.m., a U.S. Navy Gunner sights a lone Japanese plane flying toward Battleship Row and Hickam Field. He strolls over to his gun, which is placed into a specific position by a bunch of stacked phone books under the barrel. He looks as his watch, and at 7:57 on the nose, pulls the trigger once. The Japanese plane, still in the distance, puffs smoke, and catches fire, spiraling into the sea. The gunner goes into headquarters, marks his kill on a graph, and says to his commanding officer, "I finished their attack for this week, sir. I'm going on leave this week, but I'll be back next Sunday. Same time and same place?" The commanding officer shrugs. "Apparently." On a Japanese aircraft carrier floating in the Pacific, Hermichi and Carlsan study their maps and wait for news. A messenger runs in. "Sirs," he says, "I regret to inform you that the attack failed again. The plane was shot down." Hermichi and Carlsan frown and shake their heads in frustration. "I can't believe it," Hermichi says. "I was sure it would work this time." The messenger says, "Sirs, may I offer a suggestion? What if attacked with more than one plane, and we came in from a different direction?" Carlsan sneers at the man. "Are YOU a 20-year veteran? Who's got the experience here?" Hermichi laughs. "Helloooo. If we send two planes, we could lose up to two planes. This way we only lose one." Carlsan jumps in. "And we can't send the planes in from a different direction. That's not what we've always done." Hermichi and Carlsan look at each other. Hermichi says, "Same plan next week? One plane, coming in directly from the north at 2,000 feet?" Carlsan nods. "It's got to work at some point." Hermichi says, "Great. I'll go study the film of this week." The two admirals shake hands and retire to their quarters. |
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Posts: 145,256
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10-05-2008, 04:31 PM
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#2 |
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Supporter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Hermosa, SD
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Herm and Carl at Troy:
(Ancient Greece) Hermicus and Carlander stand at the Hellespont, ready to make their raid on Troy. Carlander: Due to my greatness, I have assembled some mighty weapons and talent for our army, I drafted this big wooden horse. Hermicus: Oh, man, that's alright! We could smash that right against their gate and then move in our outnumbered troops in a direct assault right up the gut of their defenses! Carlander: Verily, that is a plan almost as ingenious as if I had designed it! Hermicus: Yeah, that Horse man, it great, it great! Hermicus leads the forces against the Trojans, the horse is smashed against the gates and their troops are all picked off by the archers on the top of the gates.
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“When war breaks out people say: 'It won't last, it's too stupid.' And war is certainly too stupid, but that doesn't prevent It from lasting.” ~Albert Camus, The Plague. |
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10-05-2008, 04:36 PM
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#3 |
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Stop saying "This."
Join Date: Aug 2008
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Herm and Carl in the Anglo-Zanzibar war:
Carl: We've got a great start on rebuilding the new Zanzibar government. Everything will be great. We've got some good people in place. My second is a great motivator and we'll be prepared for anything. Herm: Yeeeeaeaaaah! That's why they have 7-11! Go getcha some free release! Carl: If the British want war it's war they'll get. Herm: That's okaaaaaaaayyyyy! |
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10-05-2008, 04:38 PM
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#4 |
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Supporter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Hermosa, SD
Casino cash: $10176551
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Herm and Carl in charge of the Iraqi Army during the first Gulf War
(no change)
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“When war breaks out people say: 'It won't last, it's too stupid.' And war is certainly too stupid, but that doesn't prevent It from lasting.” ~Albert Camus, The Plague. |
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Posts: 44,355
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10-05-2008, 09:29 PM
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#5 | |
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lions=domination
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: san marcos,texas
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10-06-2008, 05:35 AM
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#6 | |
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Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Stockholm, Sweden
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Quote:
"All is fine with the chiefs, nothing to worry about. There are no Panthers celebrating a touchdown in the background. All is fine. The chiefs are right on schedule in the 5 year plan." |
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10-06-2008, 07:00 AM
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#7 |
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lifelong Chiefs survivor
Join Date: Mar 2003
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Preparing Operation Desert Storm
Supreme Commander Carl: Gentlemen, the President has informed me that he would like to invade Iraq. Lets discuss the best strategies. Gen. Fanbase, what do you think? Gen. Fanbase: Well, I feel we definitely have technology that the Iraqi's can't match, especially through the air. Their defense doesn't have the ability to shoot our planes down at the altitude we can fly. We can use our smart weapons to take out all of their key targets with surgical precision. At the same time, we can take out their troops with tomahawks from our ships. They simply can't match this kind of air attack. We could use the Croyle Laser on them, but it's broken again. It might be another 10 weeks before it's ready. Gen Herminator: Smart weapons? Smart weapons? Haha. What is this Arena war? I think we need to send one company at a time right here (pointing at a map showing the heart of the Iraqi troops). Let's show them what kind of men we are. We don't need no smart weapons. We'll march our men and tanks 100 miles through the sand and stab 'em with our Larry knives. If at any point we get down more than 10 troops, we'll hit them with our Huard guns. If we lose the company we'll lob one Colquitt missile at them, let our defenses try to stop their attack, then send another company right at them. Gen. Fanbase: Will all do respect Gen. Herminator, that's pretty damn stupid. Haven't you read all of the Iraqi scouting reports? They're completely vulnerable through the air and their ground troops are pretty strong. First off, our McIntosh tanks keep getting stuck in the sand and the Iraqis run right by them laughing and waiving. Second, the Iraqis are expecting the Larry Knives and they have placed a 1" x 2" piece of metal in their shirts, where are guys are trained to stab them time after time. Third, the Huard guns are only accurate at 6 feet or less and that's if they don't fall and bury themselves in the sand. Once again, we need to hit them where they're vulnerable...through the air with smart weapons. Gen. Herminator: Smart weapons are for pussies. That's like cheating. We need to be real men and send company after company right at their heart. What would be really cool is if we could steal some of their Thigpen Scud Missiles....Now those are real weapons. They kinda remind me of when I was a kid and I would take the stick off a bottle rocket. You never know where they're gonna go. Now those could really hurt their morale. Supreme Commander Carl: OK, I think I've heard enough. Gen. Herminator, once again, I completely love your strategy. I'm going to give you as much time and resources as you think you'll need make all this happen. Last edited by Rukdafaidas; 10-06-2008 at 08:14 AM.. |
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10-05-2008, 04:38 PM
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#9 |
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v^V^v^V^v^V^
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Holland*
Casino cash: $10005177
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April 1992
"I call it," Herm says, "Crystal Pepsi!"
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10-05-2008, 05:00 PM
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#10 |
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testing ... 1, 2, 3
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Tennessee
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Carl & Herm Go To The Moon
Carlstrong: "Well, we've been going around and around this damn moon for so long it looks like we're getting short on water and air and powdered eggs." "Buzz" Herm: "It's okay." Carlstrong: "Oh, I know that. I was just saying that we need to either land on this moon or get some more supplies or else we might die." "Buzz" Herm: "Oh. Right. Hey, can I steer for awhile?" Carlstrong: "Get NASA on that radio over there." "Buzz" Herm: "I didn't train on radio, Carlstrong sir." Carlstrong: "Damn! Do I have to do everything? NASA!! Come in NASA!!" NASA: "This is NASA speaking. Over." Carlstrong: "Okay. Good. Now, you idiots need to get us some more air and water and supplies and things up here pronto. We're almost out. Over." NASA: "Captain Carlstrong, uh ... you were supposed to land on the moon 25 years ago. When you decided to continue your orbit instead ... well ... we just gave up on you. NASA isn't in the space business anymore. We make cell phones, now. Over." Carlstrong: "Do you know who you're talking to? I'm Captain Carlstrong! Look, you get some air and water and supplies up here right now or I'm going to fire each and every one of you!" "Buzz" Herm: "Yeah. And he'll do it, too." NASA: " ... click ..." Carlstrong: "Hello? Hello? NASA? Come in NASA. NASA, come in right damn now or you'll be sorry! Damn. Something must be wrong with the radio, now." "Buzz" Herm: "I have an idea, why don't we just land on the moon? Maybe there's some air and water there?" Carlstrong: "You fool! If we land on the moon, the mission will be completed. That means we're out of a job. Now, fix me some soup and find those fancy slippers I like. I'm going to look at dirty pictures for awhile." "Buzz" Herm: "Yes sir. So, after that, can I steer for awhile?" FAX |
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10-05-2008, 04:45 PM
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#11 |
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Seize life. Be an ermine.
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: My house
Casino cash: $-462449
VARSITY
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Herm in Ford's Theater in 1865.
Abraham Lincoln and Mary Todd Lincoln are watching, "Our American Cousin" and enjoying the show. Suddenly Herm bursts into the presidential box and yells, "Sic Semper Tyrannus!" He pulls out a gun, and then a box of ammunition. He begins studying the gun to determine how to load it but can't figure out how. As he attempts to put a bullet down the barrel of the gun, a squad of soldiers descends upon him and takes him into custody. Mary Todd Lincoln says, "Wow, that dude is crazy", and the Lincolns enjoy the remainder of the show.
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Active fan of the greatest team in NFL history. |
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10-05-2008, 07:58 PM
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#12 | |
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remember, remember
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: como
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Quote:
you've outdone yourself, rainkevinman |
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10-05-2008, 08:20 PM
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#13 |
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testing ... 1, 2, 3
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Tennessee
Casino cash: $6753759
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Carl & Herm Interrogate Jesus
Carliaphas: "So, art thou the Messiah?" Jesus: "I am: and ye shall see the Son of man sitting at the right hand of Power, and coming with the clouds of heaven." Hermas: "See! It's okay." Carliaphas: "Oh. Alright then. Cannest thou play tackle?" Jesus: "Verily I say unto ye, if thy faith is like unto a mustard seed thy canst say unto this defensive tackle, 'Move!" and he shalt move." Hermas: "I've heard enough. This guy can play. He's got something." Carliaphas: "If Hermas saith thou canst play, I shalt believe unto him. Wilt thou agree to the rookie minimum and sharest thou a room on the road?" Jesus: "Verily I say to ye, thou wouldst have no power, except it were given thee from above." Hermas: "Hey! Easy there guy." Carliaphas: "Hey! Doest thou know whoest thou art talking to? Takest this guy to Pilot and havest him crucified. Then bring me my magazines." FAX |
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10-05-2008, 04:48 PM
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#14 |
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I'll be back.
Join Date: Nov 2002
Casino cash: $1020478
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Herm and Carl at Hoth
(A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far, Far Away). General Carlist Rieekan (look it up, srsly!) and Luke Hermwalker prepare for the Imperial Assault. Carlist: They're sending in AT-AT Walkers. What do we do? Hermwalker: My snowspeeders are ready, but stand no chance against those beasts. Plus, they might freeze up out in the cold, don't want to take that chance. Carlist: Good idea. We'll just hole up in the base. Those AT-ATs can't reach us deep underground. Haha! *one hour later* Carlist: Hey, they're not firing at the base? What's up? Hermwalker: They're walking toward our shield generators. We'll be sitting ducks for orbital bombardment. I'll take out my snowspeeder squadron and attack - it's our only chance. Normally I wouldn't be so aggressive but I have no choice now. *Hermwalker leads his squadron into battle* Hermwalker: OK, boys. Fire at will! Hermwalker's wingman: But Herm, those walkers' armor is too thick for blasters. Shouldn't we try to trip them up with our tow cables? Hermwalker: No way. Too risky. We could run into one of their legs. Hermwalker's wingman: But, Commander Hermwalker! Hermwalker: No buts! I'm the Commander here. *Hermwalker's squadron gets destroyed. Hermwalker crashes in the snow as a walker approaches* Hermwalker: Oh, crap. Time to bail out! *Hermwalker dives from his fallen craft as the walker crushes it* Hermwalker: I could try and shove a grenade up that thing's ass, but that's waaaaaaay too risky. I'll just hide here in the snow. *A passing Wampa eats Hermwalker* Carlist: Carlist to Hermwalker! Carlist to Hermwalker! Come in, Commander! *The AT-AT Walker blows up Carlist's shield generators, which just underwent $250 million in renovations* Carlist: OH SHI- *The orbiting Star Destroyer vaporizes the rebel base*
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Chiefs game films Last edited by Hammock Parties; 10-05-2008 at 05:02 PM.. |
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10-05-2008, 05:34 PM
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#15 |
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Champs!
Join Date: Mar 2004
Casino cash: $3808476
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*Peterson[AoE] has joined the game.*
*Hoochle has joined the game.* *caREy has joined the game.* *JONEYS has joined the game.* *Hermine-tow has joined the game.* *Hunt has joined the game.* *Tags has joined the game.* *Uncle AL has joined the game.* *Triplette has joined the game.* Tags: hey sup Hunt: y0 Uncle AL: hi JONEYS: hi Peterson[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks! caREy: lol more like panzy tanks Hunt: lol Tags: o this fockin sucks i got a depression! Hermine: haha america sux Uncle AL: hey Peterson you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool? Peterson[AoE]; sure whatever Uncle AL: cool Triplette: **** Peterson rushed some1 help Peterson[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy Tags: i dont got **** to help, sry JONEYS: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me Tags: get antiair guns JONEYS: i cant afford them Hunt: u n00bs know what team talk is? caREY: stfu Tags: o yah hit the navajo button guys Triplette: Hoochle ur worthless come help me quick Hoochle: i cant do **** til goddel gives me an army caREy: yah hurry the fock up JONEYS: d00d im gettin pounded Triplette: this is fockin weak u guys suck *Triplette has left the game.* Tags: im gonna attack the axis k? Hermine: with what? ur wheelchair? Hermine: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head? Peterson[AoE]: ROFLMAO Hunt: lol o no america im comin 4 u Tags: wtf! thats bullsh1t u bundle of stickss im gunna kick ur asses Hunt: not without ur harbors u wont! lol Tags: u little biotch ill get u Peterson[AoE]: wtf Peterson[AoE]: NFL hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army Peterson[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker JONEYS: lol no more france for u hitler Peterson[AoE]: Hunt help me! Hunt: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world reerun Peterson[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path Uncle AL: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE Peterson[AoE]: i changed my mind lol Hermine: haha Hermine: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1 Hunt: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full Peterson[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help Tags: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya Uncle AL: JONESY help me JONESY: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here Uncle AL: dont be an arss JONESY: dont be a commie. oops too late Hoochle: LOL Hermine: hahahh oh sh1t help Peterson[AoE]: o man ur focked caREy: oh what now biotch Tags: whos the cripple now lol *Hermine has been eliminated.* Hermine: lame Tags: gj caREy caREy: thnx Peterson[AoE]: WTF Hoochle hax hes killing all my sh1t Peterson[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record Hoochle: Nuts! Hermine: wtf that mean? Hoochle: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped caREy: coming to get u Peterson u paper hanging hun cocksocker Uncle AL: rofl Hunt: HAHAHHAA Peterson[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay Peterson[AoE]: ur never getting in my city *Peterson[AoE] has been eliminated.* Hermine: OMG u noob you killed yourself Hoochle: ROFLOLOLOL Uncle AL: OMG LMAO! Peterson[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows *Peterson[AoE] has left the game* caREy: hahahhah Hunt: WTF my teammates are n00bs Hermine: shut up noob Tags: haha wut a moron caREy: wtf am i gunna do now? Hoochle: yah me too Hunt: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol Hoochle: fock u caREy: lemme go thru ur base commie Uncle AL: go to hell lol caREy: fock this sh1t im goin afk Hoochle: yah this is gay *Tags has left the game.* Peterson[AoE]: wtf? Hoochle: sh1t now we need some1 to join *GoDDeLL has joined the game.* GoDDeLL: hi all Hunt: hey Uncle AL: sup JONESY: hi GoDDeLL: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff! GoDDeLL: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES Uncle AL: d00d gimmie some plz GoDDeLL: no way i only got like a couple Uncle AL: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets Hunt: wtf is nukes? Hunt: holy ****holy****hoyl****! *Hunt has been eliminated.* *The Allied team has won the game!* Hoochle: awesome! JONESY: gg noobs no re Hunt: thats bull**** u fockin suck *Hunt has left the game.* *Hoochle has left the game.* Uncle AL: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for **** JONESY: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss GoDDeLL: l8r all Hermine: bye JONESY: l8r Uncle AL: fock u all GoDDeLL: shut up commie lol *GoDDeLL has left the game.* Hermine: lololol u commie JONESY: ROFL JONESY: bye commie *JONESY has left the game.* *Hermine has left the game.* Uncle AL: i hate u all bundle of stickss *Uncle AL has left the game.* caREy: lol no1 is left caREy: weeeee i got a jeep *caREy has been eliminated.* caREy: o sh1t! *caREy has left the game.*
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Last edited by Coach; 10-05-2008 at 10:33 PM.. |
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Hybrid Mode
