Late night bullshit: Direckshun is a slut bucket.

[RealSNR]

29. Direckshun



Welcome to the LNBS Lounge, where tonight Direckshun is the guest of honor.

These threads usually go one of two ways depending on the topic. If it's a football thread, Direckshun will lay out a detailed and well-considered blueprint or opinion that begins with something reasonable like, "The Chiefs need to get better secondary help" and will devolve into crazy bullshit such as, "Kurt Coleman is going to be the key to a successful playoff run at the playoffs." If it's a non-football topic, he'll project his real life cosplay interests into the discussion parameters. For example, he'll pretend to be a bartender who listens to your problems. Or he'll be the engineer of a magical train that will take you back to any moment in your life that you'd most like to re-live.

Tonight we're not doing either of those things. We're going to skip his stupid folksy-nouveau way of conversing, where you call a random stranger "my brother" or say "swing and a miss" when people say something that doesn't line up.

Tonight we're going to rape Direckshun. He seems like a nice person, but he frustrates us all in so many special and varied ways. I'd like us to share those Direckshun moments with each other, whatever they may be.

Since I'm supposed to be roasting him, I'll go first. Feel free to share as much or as little as you want.

1. Direckshun talks like a ****ing weirdo

Usually shows up as a symptom when involved in a political conversation with a surly opponent. He talks to the guy like he's a character from a Homestar Runner cartoon who is physically in the same room as the person he's talking to. "Pete. Pete. Listen to me. Stop saying words." He's also awful at insults, even just as playful jabs. I think he once said, "SNR eats whale dung." That's weird.

2. Direckshun never fights back

Direckshun is great for this forum in many ways because he generates content and conversation, especially in football matters. He's like a bad-tasting oral laxative when CP is having trouble passing football topics onto the front page. But he's got his share of dumb ideas, and he has plenty of people like Clay who will mercilessly tear into him even when it's not warranted. Milkman calls him a dumbass. How does Direckshun respond? "Hoho, you're probably right. I CAN get carried away with my mocks, can't I? I'll take your advise and shut the **** up next time!" He won't defend his idea politely or even leave a nice little "Blow me."

3. From the tone of his posts, you can tell that he's a stupid hipster

I've never read a Direckshun post where I couldn't smell the PBR stench in the wifi that transmitted it to my computer screen. Every time he writes something, it's got that shitty subtley ironic tone. The dolphin wearing a helmet thread? I actually like that thread. I love comedic false outrage threads. But when Direckshun does it, he somehow makes it... trendy. I could see him and his shitty beard (come on, you just KNOW he ****ing has one) trying to start some Rob Schneider catch phrase around the office or wherever the **** he works. "Because we're the Chiefs." It's even worse now because he's got all of YOU ****ing saying it. Now whenever he posts some awful shitty prediction, as long as it's glass-half-empty, he can say "Because we're the Chiefs" to justify it, and everybody will go along with it.

That's all I got for now. When I think of more, I'll post them and update this OP, because that's something easy and quick that I can do for any person who might enjoy this thread.

[RealSNR]

Originally Posted by Discuss Thrower

Ssssh don't tell anyone about the chat room

I think we're safe. I pimped it hard last year, and though that generated some new visitors, it's still the regulars that hang out there. People are just squares, man

[TribalElder]

The chat is kick ass

I have company coming in from out of town this weekend and might not make it

Any clue on this weeks safe word yet?

Patsy

[Discuss Thrower]

Originally Posted by TribalElder

The chat is kick ass

I have company coming in from out of town this weekend and might not make it

Any clue on this weeks safe word yet?

Patsy

Safe word is "Lunchpail kind of guy"

[Discuss Thrower]

Originally Posted by SNR

I think we're safe. I pimped it hard last year, and though that generated some new visitors, it's still the regulars that hang out there. People are just squares, man

HEY HANRAHAN

[Sannyasi]

Its more fun to get the instant reactions to a play from people in the chat as opposed to having to refresh the game thread. I have to work Sundays this year unfortunately, but I've always preferred the chat in the past.

[Pasta Little Brioni]

Originally Posted by TimBone

Holy ****. If SNR does not have spot #1 locked down, then this whole project has been worthless. Brilliant.

Spoiler!

Definitely not number one....sorry

[Pasta Little Brioni]

Originally Posted by Bufkin

I didn't even know CP had a chatroom. That's pretty punk rock.

Amazing sig

[Direckshun]

Originally Posted by Halfcan

I see Direckshun as this genius draft guru. He rushes home from work at Best Buy and goes straight to his draft room. It is filled top to bottom with draft boards, college stats he hasn't updated into the Master Book of Records . He has five computers dedicated strictly to college games and is saving for a sixth just to hold his massive collection of stats that he has analyzed, decoded and placed in the Master BRer. Sometimes he gets so involved he falls asleep on his huge pile of college football mags and dreams of the day when his logarithmic functions, equations and programs become the standard used by the NFL. He wakes up happy knowing he is one game film closer everyday.

Holy shit.