Got Tazerd Tonight

[Otter]

So I decided to go out to the bars with my girlfriend and some friends. Everything is going well when all of a sudden one of my girlfriends friends come out of nowhere crying and saying she wants to go home.

Apparently a cab wasn’t good enough for this little diva by her standards or more importantly my girl’s standards so I wind up driving her home.

No problem right. WRONG.

After driving her across town (still completely sober) I get back downtown, park the truck and start walking to the bar where my friends are at. All of a sudden behind me I hear “yo tough guy!”.

Apparently this guy is the reason she was crying. I still don’t know if he’s an ex-boyfriend or what the hell his relationship is with her.

I assume he’s not talking to me and keep walking. Next thing I know I get shoved from behind and turn around just in time to get a bottle broken over my head. I’m down on one knee and the self preservation instinct kicks in so I get back up, tackle the guy and start wrestling around.

I’m on top getting the better of the guy and all of a sudden ZAP!!! A cop who obviously didn’t know what was going on besides what he saw after I got up hit me with a tazer.

If you’ve never had the pleasure of experiencing a stun gun I don’t know how else to describe it besides filling a bathtub full of water and dropping in a toaster. Your whole body stiffens up, the pain is quick but sharp as a knife and you’re completely helpless for about 10 seconds.

The bouncers across the street eventually stepped in and explained what happened but I now have four stitches in my head, been stun gunned by a cop, my truck is still downtown and I told my girlfriend to fuck off and leave me alone because I was pissed off and bleeding because that little bitch couldn't take a cab.

That's not even including the hospital and legal bullshit.

My cell is off, the door is locked and I’m getting piss drunk all by myself. What a flucking night. I'm marrying a big fat ugly homely beast tommorow so I never have to go through this again.

I’m too freaking old for this shit.