Science Hypothetical: Wormholes and You.

**Rain Man** · 08-15-2008, 09:47 PM

Hypothetical situation:

You are driving in a remote mountainous region in northern New Mexico. The stars are out in force, a mosaic of diamonds against the pitch black night. A cool wind blows over the top of your Ford Pinto, its speedometer ticking up past the 60 mark on the downhill stretches. You're listening to Air Supply on the radio, singing loudly to "Lost in Love", when you see it.

Four lights, hanging motionless above the forest. The space behind them is blacker than the night, a large mass ominously concealing the stars.

You pull the Pinto to a stop, mesmerized by the sight. You watch the ship. It watches you. You realize that your life will never be the same.

Suddenly you are snapped back to reality. A branch snaps in the forest next to the car. Another branch. A large figure, half ape, half man, and half giant, furry with large feet, steps from the forest into the headlights of your car. Your eyes lock with his for an eternal moment, and then the giant creature crosses the road with enormous, deliberate strides.

Above you, a fifth light appears on the ship, then a flash of light and it accelerates upward at an astonishing speed, silent as the New Mexico night.

Shaken, you drive the Pinto another few miles, where an ancient, dirty gas station illuminates a tiny settlement of mobile homes and decrepit shotgun shacks. You guide the Pinto to the gas pump and shakily get out of the car.

The gas station clerk is a smallish man with pale white skin, slicked back hair, and one long incisor that is visible even when his mouth is closed. You ask for the key to the bathroom, and he silently hands it to you.

You go to the bathroom and splash some cold water on your face. Maybe it was all a hallucination, you think, the result of those long hours in the rebirthing pool at the spa in Santa Fe. Maybe it was swamp gas and a big raccoon. Maybe it was...

You press the soap dispenser, not realizing that it is in actuality the on/off switch to a universe-shifting wormhole generator with a bad zywocky gasket, and in all honesty the gas station really should have had an out-of-order sign on it.

BZZZZORRRRRT.

A huge purple cloud appears in front of you, and not the type of huge purple cloud that occurs in bathrooms after you eat too many blue corn chips and salsa. This one undulates and changes colors like a chameleon with a social anxiety disorder, and an increasing gravity well sucks you toward it with an intensity you haven't felt since that cheerleader with self-esteem issues and a controlling father back in high school.

Due to the bad zywocky gasket, the wormhole can send you to a number of different destinations, and you have no control over it. Among the possible destinations (see upcoming poll), where would you most like to end up?

Poll coming.

View Poll Results: What are your top five destinations? (See background in thread header.)
Alien spaceship – Co-opted as crew of scout ship exploring the galaxy	5	31.25%
Alien spaceship – Co-opted as crew of ship exploring galaxy w/ orifice probes and training req'ts.	1	6.25%
Alien spaceship – Co-opted as prestigious, risky fighter pilot in intergalactic war vs. bad guys	3	18.75%
Alternate universe – America lost the revolution	1	6.25%
Alternate universe – Thomas Edison’s inventions were made in the 1600s, in Botswana	0	0%
Alternate universe – A giant meteor struck Europe in 1922.	1	6.25%
Alternate universe – A great temporary plague killed 90 percent of the world’s population in 1954.	3	18.75%
Alternate universe – Jennifer Aniston played Monica, and Courteney Cox played Rachel.	2	12.50%
Other planet – desert world where only creatures are fast giant spiders and scorpions	0	0%
Other planet – Edenlike paradise where you land with Michael Irvin, Rosie O’Donnell, and Don Trump	0	0%
Other planet – humanoid macho men with swords, slave women with scanty brass clothing	5	31.25%
Other planet – humanoid macho women with swords, slave men with scanty brass clothing	0	0%
Other planet – humanoid orgy-loving civilization, and the only food is bread and water	4	25.00%
Other planet – humanoid society of very handsome men and very ugly women (Gals: reverse this.)	0	0%
Other planet – monklike mute celibate creatures who have amassed an enormous library of knowledge	5	31.25%
Other planet – co-opted to serve as earth’s senator in intergalactic Congress	4	25.00%
Other planet – you & 9 others live in nice 50-acre zoo exhibit in non-humanoid civilization	1	6.25%
Other planet – you are only hominid in primeval Earthlike jungle	0	0%
Other planet – You’re a gladiator in an unarmed death match against a four-foot female weekly.	1	6.25%
Other planet – your gender used to exist, but went extinct, and now only the other gender exists	4	25.00%
The future – Your hometown 100 years from now	4	25.00%
The future – Your hometown 500 years from now	1	6.25%
The future – Your hometown 1,000 years from now	1	6.25%
The future – Your hometown 10,000 years from now	1	6.25%
The future – Your hometown 1 million years from now	1	6.25%
The past – Gondwanaland during the Jurassic Period	1	6.25%
The past – France during the Ice Age	1	6.25%
The past – Egypt at the time of the pyramids	4	25.00%
The past – Ancient Rome	4	25.00%
The past – Dark Ages in Romania	1	6.25%
The past – Renaissance Italy	3	18.75%
The past – France under Louis XIV	0	0%
The past – America during the revolution	2	12.50%
The past – California during the gold rush	0	0%
The past – Maryland during the Civil War	0	0%
The past – Your hometown during World War II	1	6.25%
The past – Your hometown two years before you were born	1	6.25%
The past - Your hometown three years ago	2	12.50%
I would hope to be scattered into billions of subatomic particles.	1	6.25%
I don't know. Do I see giant human babies in the wormhole?	1	6.25%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 16. You may not vote on this poll

08-15-2008, 09:47 PM	Topic Starter
Rain Man Seize life. Be an ermine. Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: My house Casino cash: $-562449 VARSITY	Hypothetical: Wormholes and You. Hypothetical situation: You are driving in a remote mountainous region in northern New Mexico. The stars are out in force, a mosaic of diamonds against the pitch black night. A cool wind blows over the top of your Ford Pinto, its speedometer ticking up past the 60 mark on the downhill stretches. You're listening to Air Supply on the radio, singing loudly to "Lost in Love", when you see it. Four lights, hanging motionless above the forest. The space behind them is blacker than the night, a large mass ominously concealing the stars. You pull the Pinto to a stop, mesmerized by the sight. You watch the ship. It watches you. You realize that your life will never be the same. Suddenly you are snapped back to reality. A branch snaps in the forest next to the car. Another branch. A large figure, half ape, half man, and half giant, furry with large feet, steps from the forest into the headlights of your car. Your eyes lock with his for an eternal moment, and then the giant creature crosses the road with enormous, deliberate strides. Above you, a fifth light appears on the ship, then a flash of light and it accelerates upward at an astonishing speed, silent as the New Mexico night. Shaken, you drive the Pinto another few miles, where an ancient, dirty gas station illuminates a tiny settlement of mobile homes and decrepit shotgun shacks. You guide the Pinto to the gas pump and shakily get out of the car. The gas station clerk is a smallish man with pale white skin, slicked back hair, and one long incisor that is visible even when his mouth is closed. You ask for the key to the bathroom, and he silently hands it to you. You go to the bathroom and splash some cold water on your face. Maybe it was all a hallucination, you think, the result of those long hours in the rebirthing pool at the spa in Santa Fe. Maybe it was swamp gas and a big raccoon. Maybe it was... You press the soap dispenser, not realizing that it is in actuality the on/off switch to a universe-shifting wormhole generator with a bad zywocky gasket, and in all honesty the gas station really should have had an out-of-order sign on it. BZZZZORRRRRT. A huge purple cloud appears in front of you, and not the type of huge purple cloud that occurs in bathrooms after you eat too many blue corn chips and salsa. This one undulates and changes colors like a chameleon with a social anxiety disorder, and an increasing gravity well sucks you toward it with an intensity you haven't felt since that cheerleader with self-esteem issues and a controlling father back in high school. Due to the bad zywocky gasket, the wormhole can send you to a number of different destinations, and you have no control over it. Among the possible destinations (see upcoming poll), where would you most like to end up? Poll coming.
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