National Shoving Day

[Rain Man]

I think this country needs a new holiday, and I therefore decree the last Monday of October to be National Shoving Day.

On this day, you will never change your course when walking to avoid another person. Instead, as you and the other person are about to meet, just give them a healthy shove toward the left.

This will apply only to pedestrian activity, of course, not driving or flying or motorcycles. (Biking may be considered for future inclusion.)

The goals of National Shoving Day are to:

a) Add efficiency to our national pedestrian travels by allowing everyone to take the shortest routes to their destinations.

b) Provide some added physical exercise to Americans' daily routines.

c) Add the fun of bumper cars to our daily lives, if only for one day per year.

d) Teach a little something to those annoying people who don't change their path when you're on a collision course because they're talking to someone or they just think they're important, and so you have to dodge them at the last minute by twisting your body even though you're the guy who obviously has the rights to that part of the sidewalk since the stupid women are walking four abreast so they can chatter with each other instead of taking only the right half of the sidewalk, or the stupid guy is walking real fast and thinks he can cross the sidewalk right in front of you without looking just because he's walking fast.

e) As an added benefit, every seven years National Shoving Day will fall on Halloween, and therefore teach children a little more respect for their larger elders, and perhaps some awareness so they don't grow up to be the people in Item d above.