Personal advice sought, v. II.

[Direckshun]

I started a personal advice thread that you guys, god bless ya'll, were kind enough to sincerely offer some words of advice.

The thread featured a friend of mine, well a couple friends of mine who are married to one another. The dude, whom I met them through, is cheating on the girl. My friends had for a while slowly started learning about this, and I picked up the news through the grapevine as well.

I talked to a lot of people, ChiefsPlanet included, about what to do. Do I confront my friend the cheater, calling him out privately and telling him to get his act together, or allow the situation to work itself out as if I saw/heard nothing.

Your advice, overwhelmingly, was to "stay out of it."

Well let me approach the issue from the other side.

As I said, I am friends with both of these individuals, including the chick who for all I know is living under the impression that her husband is loyal.

Here's the question: if I do not have an obligation to step in and tell him to cut his shit out, do I NOT have an obligation to alert her to the situation?

I mean it. **** my male friend -- if my woman was cheating on me and my friends ****ing knew about it, wouldn't it be the all-time dick move not to tell me? For them to continue hanging out with me, allowing me to persist believing in something that isn't happening?

Wouldn't you want your friends to tell you if they knew? Or would you prefer them to stay out of it -- even if they knew.

Thanks in advance for the round of advice.

Matter of fact, if your advice is to "stay out of it," I want you to answer this question:

Would you prefer your friends NOT to tell you if they knew your significant other was cheating on you?

[BWillie]

What are you gonna do? Tell on him? You know you can't buddy. It's guy code. That's something chicks do. You're not a chick are you? Ok. Good talk. I'll see you out there.

[Direckshun]

Originally Posted by stumppy

You would never be in this situation if you took responsibility for who you choose to be friends with.

I have no idea what this means.

[kcxiv]

Originally Posted by Direckshun

I have no idea what this means.

He's basically saying you pick bad friends or someshit, which is total bullshit.

I said before i was in a situation similar with my best friend who i have been best friends with since we were 13 years old. We are now 32. about 3 years ago i was going through some pretty bad health issues and every single day my "bad, adulterer" friend was one of the few that would come even check up on me. Actually, he would come at lunch to check on me and after work. Me and him have been through alot in our almost 20 years as friends. I am glad i picked him as a friend. Yep, same cheating friend, one of the very few that stood behind me when my life was in a bad bad bad spot.

[Silock]

I would first confront the cheater and if he/she didn't stop, then I would tell. And yes, I would absolutely want my friends to tell me if my wife were cheating on me.

[ShortRoundChief]

Originally Posted by Silock

I would first confront the cheater and if he/she didn't stop, then I would tell. And yes, I would absolutely want my friends to tell me if my wife were cheating on me.

Yeah I'd say this. I'd tell the guy that i'm giving him the opportunity to come clean but if he didn't then I would discuss the problem with the wife. I mean really, if you feel the need to cheat, just get out of it and save a whole lot of hardship and heartbreak.

[unlurking]

Use anonymous email (like http://www.guerrillamail.com/) to send something like the following...

To: Husband
To: Wife
CC: All Your Friends (include yourself obviously)

Subject: Steppin' Out...

Hey guys,

Who is cheating on who?

Thanks,
-fidelity


Then sit back and have fun watching everything. Forward it on to the couple asking who sent it, what's going on, etc. Anonymously turn it into a side show! If somebody's marriage is gonna go up in flames, might as well do it on YOUR schedule since all the good TV shows are over for the season!

[ziggysocki]

tell your gf, being a woman she will blow the entire shit up... and everyone will know everything.

[Skip Towne]

Stay out of it.

[Smed1065]

He knows and you know.
That is between guys.

Take and stand and do what feels right to you.
You have to live with youself and he does not.

End.

[Kerberos]

I've been in a situation where a really good female friend (that introduced me to my wife) was interested in one of my best friends and I sat her down at the bar one night and tried like hell to explain to her the reasons NOT to get involved with my buddy. She has her own issues and he is NEVER going to commit to any woman as far as I can tell.

I talked till I was blue in the face and of course she didn't listen and thought she was going to be the almighty woman to tame the man that all other woman have failed to make happen. (Some woman just don't understand history)

Anyway I have known the guy since I was in grade school and the woman and I met under unusual circumstances back in the early 90's when I stopped drinking and she was a, to a certain extent, co-depedant ex-spouse to an alcoholic. We had a lot in common and a lot to talk about. Needless to say we helped each other through some of the worst times in our lives.

Well the inevitable happened and he broke her heart and I stayed the hell out of it because BOTH were good friends. It IS a conundrum of epic sorts when both are good friends.

Till this day he is still one of my best friends and she barely talks to me anymore. Go figure. But you know what ...... I TRIED TO TELL THE BITCH what was going to happen... But did she listen?

I guess my thoughts to you are this.....Either way YOUR F****ed in my experience.

Hope this helps.

[luv]

Originally Posted by Direckshun

I'm closer to the guy.

But my fiance is closer to the girl.

Your move.

So, what does our fiance say? Has she put herself in the other girl's shoes? If she's closer to the girl than you are, maybe she should be the one to tell her. I know I'd take it better coming from another female. I'd recommend telling her together, but she'll feel ganged up on. The decision is yours. If you decide she needs to be told though, I'd definitely try to talk your fiance into telling her instead of you.

[Pioli Zombie]

Originally Posted by Reerun_KC

Dude, that is a tough spot to be in, almost like playing with fire... There are so many different ways you could approach that and most likely all of them wont end well. My only thought is to call your friend out privately between you two. Maybe that will convict him to make changes. IF not then just stay out of it... Talking to his wife could make you look like your trying to.... Well it just wouldnt look good if you know what I mean?

You can't be best buds toi both. Pick one. I would suggest the guy.
Posted via Mobile Device

[Crashride]

Originally Posted by Direckshun

I started a personal advice thread that you guys, god bless ya'll, were kind enough to sincerely offer some words of advice.

The thread featured a friend of mine, well a couple friends of mine who are married to one another. The dude, whom I met them through, is cheating on the girl. My friends had for a while slowly started learning about this, and I picked up the news through the grapevine as well.

I talked to a lot of people, ChiefsPlanet included, about what to do. Do I confront my friend the cheater, calling him out privately and telling him to get his act together, or allow the situation to work itself out as if I saw/heard nothing.

Your advice, overwhelmingly, was to "stay out of it."

Well let me approach the issue from the other side.

As I said, I am friends with both of these individuals, including the chick who for all I know is living under the impression that her husband is loyal.

Here's the question: if I do not have an obligation to step in and tell him to cut his shit out, do I NOT have an obligation to alert her to the situation?

I mean it. **** my male friend -- if my woman was cheating on me and my friends ****ing knew about it, wouldn't it be the all-time dick move not to tell me? For them to continue hanging out with me, allowing me to persist believing in something that isn't happening?

Wouldn't you want your friends to tell you if they knew? Or would you prefer them to stay out of it -- even if they knew.

Thanks in advance for the round of advice.

Matter of fact, if your advice is to "stay out of it," I want you to answer this question:

Would you prefer your friends NOT to tell you if they knew your significant other was cheating on you?

Stay out of it bro hes YOUR FRIEND. You only know HER because of HIM. Why are you getting so attatched and involved in their relationship? But it sounds like you made up your mind on what your gonna do.
Why do we have to explain anything to you as far as us saying "stay out of it." It speaks for itself. Your getting an overwhelming amount of people saying this because the majority have been there and know not to try to fix people. What gives you the right to take action in someone elses matter? Who do you think you are?
Does that make what hes doing right? HELL NO. But stop trying to be DR. PHIL and just focus on your life. This will all blow up in his face eventually.
Your making new threads with questions for people, who are giving you advice...AGAIN, until you hear the answer THAT YOU WANT TO HEAR.

[patteeu]

Originally Posted by Joe Seahawk

Tell him to quit cheating on your other female friend, tell him he needs to tell her or you will have to..

This is the right thing to do, IMO.

[wutamess]

Originally Posted by DeezNutz

Stay out of it.

This.