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Old 01-13-2014, 04:55 PM  
gblowfish gblowfish is offline
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Haribo Gummy Bears!
The candy that will make you say 'OH MY GOD...MY BOWELS....MY FREAKING BOWELS!!!"

Go here, then read the "customer review" section. Brutal.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B000EV...1_1&precache=1

A sample review:

Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.

Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.

If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.
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Old 01-13-2014, 04:59 PM
Eleazar
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Old 01-13-2014, 05:00 PM   #2
Eleazar Eleazar is offline
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Your link shows the mobile site or something that doesn't have the reviews
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Old 01-13-2014, 05:03 PM   #3
Saul Good Saul Good is offline
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Yep. I know people who use these things as pranks.
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Old 01-13-2014, 05:04 PM   #4
Eleazar Eleazar is offline
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Eat a bunch of those fiber one granola bars, cereal, or muffins for the same effect.

You'll be burning holes in your furniture for the next 24 hours or so
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Old 01-13-2014, 05:05 PM   #5
gblowfish gblowfish is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cochise View Post
Your link shows the mobile site or something that doesn't have the reviews
Jeez....lazy ass bastard...

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/cr/B000EVQWKC/ref=mw_dp_cr
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Old 01-13-2014, 05:08 PM   #6
Saul Good Saul Good is offline
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Originally Posted by Cochise View Post
Eat a bunch of those fiber one granola bars, cereal, or muffins for the same effect.

You'll be burning holes in your furniture for the next 24 hours or so
Those fiber bars make you fart like crazy, but they are pretty much the opposite of these gummy bears in...ahem...other respects.
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Old 01-13-2014, 05:08 PM   #7
jspchief jspchief is offline
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Don't know about the sugarless ones, but the regular ones are bear shaped bits of heaven.
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Old 01-13-2014, 05:18 PM   #8
GloucesterChief GloucesterChief is offline
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Some people are more sensitive to sugar alcohols then others. I know I am sensitive so I stay away from the sugar free candy. I satisfy my sweet tooth with flavored coffee and some splenda.
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Old 01-13-2014, 06:19 PM   #9
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Old 01-13-2014, 06:29 PM   #10
Rasputin Rasputin is offline
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Chiefs Planet get's burst with 'moar' poop threads.
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Old 01-13-2014, 06:34 PM   #11
TLO TLO is offline
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Those reviews were great.
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Old 01-13-2014, 06:35 PM   #12
SAUTO SAUTO is offline
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Those reviews were great.
"my dinner with andrea"


enough said
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Old 01-13-2014, 06:40 PM   #13
rprevost85 rprevost85 is offline
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That may be one of the funniest reviews I've ever read. That guy is ****ing hilarious.
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Old 01-13-2014, 07:23 PM   #14
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Meh, I've eaten them many times. Sure, had some gas, but no pain. He's a pussy!
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Old 01-13-2014, 07:32 PM   #15
Rausch Rausch is offline
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I'll be buying some of these to stash with my ipecac...
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