For those with children: Do you think you’re a better parent than your parents were?

[BigRedChief]

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

If my kids only learn one thing from me, it's gonna be an easy one.

Marry well.

It's a BIG ****ing deal. So many failed families come down to little more than immature people marrying the wrong person.

It's such a big damn deal. Get that decision right and you're 90% of the way home.

I agree. I didn't get married until I was 30. Married 33 years so far.

[DJ's left nut]

Originally Posted by BigRedChief

I agree. I didn't get married until I was 30. Married 33 years so far.

I'll openly concede that I'm needlessly dogmatic here, but I'll never understand the "lets get married at the courthouse" folks.

It's important. ACT like it.

I've never known a couple to do the half-assed marriage thing where "Oh we're gonna just get the certificate signed and have a party later" where the marriage lasted. Now I don't know 50 people like that, but I think I know 5 or 6 and all of those folks got divorced within 5 years. And yes, I know that it's not universal, but I absolutely think the 'success rate' on those marriages is significantly lower.

Meanwhile myself and most of my friends got married fairly young; all by age 25. And all of us did the full marriage ceremony and what not. And all of us are still married, most of us over a decade later (I'm at 20 next summer).

I just think a lot of folks are strangely glib about what SHOULD be the most important decision you'll ever make in your life.

Then again, I'll spend months researching breeders before I'll so much as buy a dog. So there's probably an acceptable middle ground to be found.

But man, if it's that important, treat it as such.

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

I'll openly concede that I'm needlessly dogmatic here, but I'll never understand the "lets get married at the courthouse" folks.

It's important. ACT like it.

I've never known a couple to do the half-assed marriage thing where "Oh we're gonna just get the certificate signed and have a party later" where the marriage lasted. Now I don't know 50 people like that, but I think I know 5 or 6 and all of those folks got divorced within 5 years. And yes, I know that it's not universal, but I absolutely think the 'success rate' on those marriages is significantly lower.

Meanwhile myself and most of my friends got married fairly young; all by age 25. And all of us did the full marriage ceremony and what not. And all of us are still married, most of us over a decade later (I'm at 20 next summer).

I just think a lot of folks are strangely glib about what SHOULD be the most important decision you'll ever make in your life.

Then again, I'll spend months researching breeders before I'll so much as buy a dog. So there's probably an acceptable middle ground to be found.

But man, if it's that important, treat it as such.

Oooh, I can be your first. My wife and I have been married for 30+ years and we had a five-minute wedding with a justice of the peace and no witnesses.

As background, we had just moved for graduate school and we were living in an area where we didn't know anybody within 700 miles. It seemed like a financial burden to ask others to come to us, and our families lived 1,000 miles from each other so there wasn't an obvious "home base" to go to. Plus, I'm not big on churches to start with, and that's where a lot of "event" weddings are held.

I get your point, though I don't fully agree with it. I can see your logic, but I think it depends on the personalities. I've known of a few weddings where it was obvious that the odds were against them due to immaturity or whatever, but they wanted a flashy wedding in part due to that immaturity. But that also may be a function of my age, because when I was marryin' age, pretty much everyone in my home area did a church wedding due to cultural mores.

I'm actually pretty shocked at how common divorce has been in my peer group. When I think about my best friends from high school, a majority of them have been divorced, and these are not sketchy people. They were all mature solid citizens, but we may be running at a 50% divorce rate as a group.

[ThaVirus]

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

I'll openly concede that I'm needlessly dogmatic here, but I'll never understand the "lets get married at the courthouse" folks.

It's important. ACT like it.

I've never known a couple to do the half-assed marriage thing where "Oh we're gonna just get the certificate signed and have a party later" where the marriage lasted. Now I don't know 50 people like that, but I think I know 5 or 6 and all of those folks got divorced within 5 years. And yes, I know that it's not universal, but I absolutely think the 'success rate' on those marriages is significantly lower.

Meanwhile myself and most of my friends got married fairly young; all by age 25. And all of us did the full marriage ceremony and what not. And all of us are still married, most of us over a decade later (I'm at 20 next summer).

I just think a lot of folks are strangely glib about what SHOULD be the most important decision you'll ever make in your life.

Then again, I'll spend months researching breeders before I'll so much as buy a dog. So there's probably an acceptable middle ground to be found.

But man, if it's that important, treat it as such.

Me, about to get married at the courthouse in a couple weeks..

[Rain Man]

Originally Posted by ThaVirus

Me, about to get married at the courthouse in a couple weeks..

Should I be buying airfare to your Bachelor party?

Oh, and congratulations.

[ThaVirus]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

Should I be buying airfare to your Bachelor party?

Oh, and congratulations.

Thank you, sir!

No bachelor party. I’m old and boring these days.

Also, semi-related fun fact: I have never once set foot in a strip club.

[mr. tegu]

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

I'll openly concede that I'm needlessly dogmatic here, but I'll never understand the "lets get married at the courthouse" folks.

It's important. ACT like it.

I've never known a couple to do the half-assed marriage thing where "Oh we're gonna just get the certificate signed and have a party later" where the marriage lasted. Now I don't know 50 people like that, but I think I know 5 or 6 and all of those folks got divorced within 5 years. And yes, I know that it's not universal, but I absolutely think the 'success rate' on those marriages is significantly lower.

Meanwhile myself and most of my friends got married fairly young; all by age 25. And all of us did the full marriage ceremony and what not. And all of us are still married, most of us over a decade later (I'm at 20 next summer).

I just think a lot of folks are strangely glib about what SHOULD be the most important decision you'll ever make in your life.

Then again, I'll spend months researching breeders before I'll so much as buy a dog. So there's probably an acceptable middle ground to be found.

But man, if it's that important, treat it as such.

I had a couple in counseling not too long ago that eloped in a courthouse. They were having a variety of issues from the very beginning. Long story short, after a few sessions, one of the main factors turned out to be that the husband was very insecure about the sincerity and commitment in their marriage. The wife didn’t change her name, she has her own personal issues that prohibit effective communication and openness, further elevating his insecurity, and the husband having come from a divorced family (which he blames on his mom) always had this feeling of distrust, anxiety, and paranoia about the marriage which can be traced back to it not feeling like a real marriage to him.

It was very important that they set goals to make it feel more public and not something they were “hiding.” The wife got her name changed and they committed to doing a family get together where the families actually finally met. This made a huge difference in the foundation of the relationship. It was clear without intervention they were destined to fail. This could of course still happen but it is not going to be because they feel like they aren’t actually married.

There is something to be said for “making a big deal” about it beyond the bridezilla tropes. The courthouse method just doesn’t carry with it the appropriate level of emotion. A planned ceremony doesn’t need to be overly elaborate or expensive to be an effective shared life moment. It’s more about what it represents to yourselves and others. It shows the world you are proud to be one, but more importantly, each spouse has some level of confidence that the other wants their family and the world to know they are choosing you.

[Pablo]

Originally Posted by ThaVirus

Me, about to get married at the courthouse in a couple weeks..

Originally Posted by mr. tegu

I had a couple in counseling not too long ago that eloped in a courthouse. They were having a variety of issues from the very beginning. Long story short, after a few sessions, one of the main factors turned out to be that the husband was very insecure about the sincerity and commitment in their marriage. The wife didn’t change her name, she has her own personal issues that prohibit effective communication and openness, further elevating his insecurity, and the husband having come from a divorced family (which he blames on his mom) always had this feeling of distrust, anxiety, and paranoia about the marriage which can be traced back to it not feeling like a real marriage to him.

It was very important that they set goals to make it feel more public and not something they were “hiding.” The wife got her name changed and they committed to doing a family get together where the families actually finally met. This made a huge difference in the foundation of the relationship. It was clear without intervention they were destined to fail. This could of course still happen but it is not going to be because they feel like they aren’t actually married.

There is something to be said for “making a big deal” about it beyond the bridezilla tropes. The courthouse method just doesn’t carry with it the appropriate level of emotion. A planned ceremony doesn’t need to be overly elaborate or expensive to be an effective shared life moment. It’s more about what it represents to yourselves and others. It shows the world you are proud to be one, but more importantly, each spouse has some level of confidence that the other wants their family and the world to know they are choosing you.

Good luck breh

[ThaVirus]

Originally Posted by Pablo

Good luck breh

That’s it. I’m locking this thread lol

[mr. tegu]

Originally Posted by ThaVirus

That’s it. I’m locking this thread lol

Are you doing anything afterwards? Something that still makes it a special day where you take photos with each other and other family? Family gathering in some way? Etc?

[KCUnited]

Originally Posted by mr. tegu

Are you doing anything afterwards? Something that still makes it a special day where you take photos with each other and other family? Family gathering in some way? Etc?

She best be getting his name tatted on her ass

[smithandrew051]

Originally Posted by DJ's left nut

I'll openly concede that I'm needlessly dogmatic here, but I'll never understand the "lets get married at the courthouse" folks.

It's important. ACT like it.

I've never known a couple to do the half-assed marriage thing where "Oh we're gonna just get the certificate signed and have a party later" where the marriage lasted. Now I don't know 50 people like that, but I think I know 5 or 6 and all of those folks got divorced within 5 years. And yes, I know that it's not universal, but I absolutely think the 'success rate' on those marriages is significantly lower.

Meanwhile myself and most of my friends got married fairly young; all by age 25. And all of us did the full marriage ceremony and what not. And all of us are still married, most of us over a decade later (I'm at 20 next summer).

I just think a lot of folks are strangely glib about what SHOULD be the most important decision you'll ever make in your life.

Then again, I'll spend months researching breeders before I'll so much as buy a dog. So there's probably an acceptable middle ground to be found.

But man, if it's that important, treat it as such.

I also don’t believe ANY women who say they’d be perfectly happy just getting married at the courthouse.

These women think about their wedding day from the time they’re little girls on. Then, they watch ALL their friends have their big days.

With as much as women compete with each other, I refuse to believe that not having a wedding day is just no big deal. They’re lying to themselves when they say that.

[mr. tegu]

Originally Posted by smithandrew051

I also don’t believe ANY women who say they’d be perfectly happy just getting married at the courthouse.

These women think about their wedding day from the time they’re little girls on. Then, they watch ALL their friends have their big days.

With as much as women compete with each other, I refuse to believe that not having a wedding day is just no big deal. They’re lying to themselves when they say that.

I’ve seen that the courthouse method can work, but it’s one of those things where both parties are truly honest about what they want and need but also with an understanding of what they are missing out on. Those things someone didn’t admit they wanted (perhaps to please the other) will eventually eat at them and can certainly be a sore point. I’ll definitely say though that if either or both are religious, the courthouse method is absolutely something that will carry regret and possible resentment.