Latest Mer article from WPI - What offseason? - Page 3

Hammock Parties · 03-29-2006, 06:33 PM

http://chiefs.scout.com/2/514414.html

What Offseason?

By: Karen Christie
Warpaint Illustrated Columnist
Date: Mar 29, 2006

March found me under clear blue skies with my shoeless feet buried in green grass, celebrating spring training by attending a Royals-Diamondbacks game. As Reggie Sanders broke a meaningless Brandon Webb no-hitter and smugly ran to first base, I thought how much better baseball would be if catchers were allowed to tackle base runners.

That's where my head is. How many more ways can I incorporate football into my life? From the last tick of the Super Bowl clock to next season’s first game, it seems we never stop talking about football. Draft talk starts in November as we start guessing where teams will fall in the draft order. Before the draft comes the combine. After the draft we have training camp. In between we'll have a plethora of free agency mini-dramas and soap operas to sooth our cravings for all things NFL.

It used to be that “Football Widows” everywhere looked forward to the weeks following the Super Bowl. They get to finally slip lengthy "honey-do" chore lists into the hands of their significant other. Hands that no longer have a death grip on the remote control or a beer. It’s not an easy transition after football fans spend months fanatically living out their weekend lives inside bars and living rooms, eyes glued to as many football games as possible.

Tailgate parties are exchanged for youth sports and family get-togethers. Maybe there’s a little spiritual renewal at the local church after all those fourth-and-one prayers. Monday night football becomes twilight baseball. My mother can stop hiding while her husband expresses his opinion towards a televised football game with loud expletives and shattering cries of joy. Barbecues return as the main attraction instead of playing sidekick to the football.

While I do believe “Football Widows” are still winning the springtime war, the Internet and cable television ensure that they cannot completely escape the NFL experience. Even still, I believe that the NFL schedule is sweetly coordinated to end a few weeks before Valentines Day as a social consideration for the health of marriages everywhere.

Few other sports in our culture have the radical, all-consuming feeling of an NFL season. With pre-game shows starting on Sunday and post-game ending sometime on Tuesday, one cannot escape the flood of pigskin paparazzi.

March Madness compares pretty favorably to the NFL, but college basketball fans can generally be coaxed into interacting with their families despite it. As long as they catch the last four minutes of the game, or the late edition of Sportscenter, they’re fine.

Baseball, NASCAR, hockey and professional bowling are repetitive enough to lose out on some of the must-see classification we bestow upon football. How do you muster the necessary hatred to make a rival game special if you have to muster it 20 times a year?

This year I've been so hard up for football that I sat down to watch the combine. The combine is a series of tests for selected college invitees, like the 40-yard dash, the vertical jump and the bench press. Along with a host of additional drills, those tests place the athletes under a microscope of athletic and mental prowess.

And boy is it a thorough inspection. I really appreciate the world of constant sports reporting. I love that they televised portions of the combine drills. I was especially fascinated with the 40-yard dash. Some of the players wore skimpy white shorts in order to make themselves as aerodynamic as possible, making the whole surreal run look like a scene from "Baywatch."

Draft Day coverage has gotten progressively more entertaining with each passing year. With the presumed top draftees sequestered in a private room, it now has the Hollywood feel of "American Idol" merged with "The Price is Right." As each draft pick is called to the stage, the audience roars its’ opinion and family members begin the someone-is-getting-a-new-house dance. This is the day we dare to dream of a Super Bowl-sealing deal or steal of the century. The day’s results become the trigger for bandwagon jumping and armchair quarterbacking.

It is also the day we're bombarded with every fact and piece of minutiae they can dig up about draftees. Besides their sports and college careers, we'll learn who their families are, where they're from and what kind of cereal they ate for breakfast. Some stories will be so poignant they'll pull at our heartstrings and we'll instantly fall into adoration. Prospective rookies will be declared the next great superstar and savior of the team until they crash in training camp, never even making the final roster.

Ultimately, all these storylines wet my appetite for the start of the season. I have every intention of making the trek to Wisconsin to gawk with bright eyes and childish glee at my favorite Chiefs as they sweat in training camp. I can think of few things more wholesome than a painful exhibition of skill, violence and endurance. Placing that exhibition inside the sleepy little town of River Falls on a sweet college campus only adds to the experience.

I will strive to enjoy every moment of my trip. The youth of my children provides me with a few more free summers. Although not demanded, it would be nice if my following summers were spent strapping on flag football belts and milling around on little league fields. This sentiment is not overly appreciated by Megan Hoyle of Chandler, Arizona. Besides holding the dubious honor of being my friend, Hoyle is a dedicated wife and a mother of three.

As I gushed over the possibility of someday filling the off-season by joining a caravan of Americana-oozing soccer moms, I dared to ask what Hoyle was doing during “her” off-season.

"Karen, between softball games, baseball games and Mark's basketball, I think I've made the same seven-layer bean dip every weekend for the past seven months,” she said. “Let me know when my off-season starts."

I bet she'd be having a lot more fun if her 13-year old daughter playing third base was allowed to blitz the batter.

mike_b_284 · 03-29-2006, 08:43 PM

"is that a dead body?"
"yes"
"why does it 'ave a tea cozy on its head?"

Hammock Parties · 03-29-2006, 10:20 PM

Holy shit. I just realized that.

Demonpenz · 03-30-2006, 12:35 AM

that was a good article, but i know for many of the people around here it is more about baseball.

King_Chief_Fan · 03-30-2006, 07:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by goxlibutscrale

Holy shit. I just realized that.

dumb az

Hammock Parties · 03-30-2006, 07:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by King_Chief_Fan

dumb az

Do you even know what I realized?

JBucc · 03-30-2006, 07:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by goxlibutscrale

Do you even know what I realized?

Doesn't matter

Hammock Parties · 03-30-2006, 07:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JBucc

Doesn't matter

fuck both of you.

Brock · 03-30-2006, 07:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phobia

I think we figured out how that error got through. It's being fixed right now.

You're replacing Athan's brain?

**Bob Dole** · 03-30-2006, 07:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by goxlibutscrale

fuck both of you.

Now there's a threesome nobody really wants to see.

Katipan · 03-30-2006, 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Demonpenz

that was a good article, but i know for many of the people around here it is more about baseball.

the off season?

**Skip Towne** · 03-30-2006, 09:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phobia

Wow. I wonder how that happened.

Karen's version of the article had "whet". Gochiefs' edited version of the article maintained "whet". The published version changed it to "wet". That's just amazing to me.

That's quite a staff you got there, Chief.

cmh6476 · 03-30-2006, 09:09 AM

wtf was the point of that?

Katipan · 03-30-2006, 09:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cmh6476

wtf was the point of that?

Skip's cantankerousness?

Give him a break. He's old. He's seen a lot to be angry about. He'll feel better when I **** him and remove the bitter bitch disease.

**Bob Dole** · 03-30-2006, 09:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katipan

Skip's cantankerousness?

Give him a break. He's old. He's seen a lot to be angry about. He'll feel better when I **** him and remove the bitter bitch disease.

He'll **** you uuuuuuup (he'll **** you up) Yes, Skip will **** you up. If you dare to disobey His stern commaaaaand.

**Skip Towne** · 03-30-2006, 09:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bob Dole

He'll **** you uuuuuuup (he'll **** you up) Yes, Skip will **** you up. If you dare to disobey His stern commaaaaand.

You damn well betcha Red Ryder. I'm a baaad man.

03-29-2006, 06:33 PM
Hammock Parties I'll be back. Join Date: Nov 2002 Casino cash: $900478	Latest Mer article from WPI - What offseason? http://chiefs.scout.com/2/514414.html What Offseason? By: Karen Christie Warpaint Illustrated Columnist Date: Mar 29, 2006 March found me under clear blue skies with my shoeless feet buried in green grass, celebrating spring training by attending a Royals-Diamondbacks game. As Reggie Sanders broke a meaningless Brandon Webb no-hitter and smugly ran to first base, I thought how much better baseball would be if catchers were allowed to tackle base runners. That's where my head is. How many more ways can I incorporate football into my life? From the last tick of the Super Bowl clock to next season’s first game, it seems we never stop talking about football. Draft talk starts in November as we start guessing where teams will fall in the draft order. Before the draft comes the combine. After the draft we have training camp. In between we'll have a plethora of free agency mini-dramas and soap operas to sooth our cravings for all things NFL. It used to be that “Football Widows” everywhere looked forward to the weeks following the Super Bowl. They get to finally slip lengthy "honey-do" chore lists into the hands of their significant other. Hands that no longer have a death grip on the remote control or a beer. It’s not an easy transition after football fans spend months fanatically living out their weekend lives inside bars and living rooms, eyes glued to as many football games as possible. Tailgate parties are exchanged for youth sports and family get-togethers. Maybe there’s a little spiritual renewal at the local church after all those fourth-and-one prayers. Monday night football becomes twilight baseball. My mother can stop hiding while her husband expresses his opinion towards a televised football game with loud expletives and shattering cries of joy. Barbecues return as the main attraction instead of playing sidekick to the football. While I do believe “Football Widows” are still winning the springtime war, the Internet and cable television ensure that they cannot completely escape the NFL experience. Even still, I believe that the NFL schedule is sweetly coordinated to end a few weeks before Valentines Day as a social consideration for the health of marriages everywhere. Few other sports in our culture have the radical, all-consuming feeling of an NFL season. With pre-game shows starting on Sunday and post-game ending sometime on Tuesday, one cannot escape the flood of pigskin paparazzi. March Madness compares pretty favorably to the NFL, but college basketball fans can generally be coaxed into interacting with their families despite it. As long as they catch the last four minutes of the game, or the late edition of Sportscenter, they’re fine. Baseball, NASCAR, hockey and professional bowling are repetitive enough to lose out on some of the must-see classification we bestow upon football. How do you muster the necessary hatred to make a rival game special if you have to muster it 20 times a year? This year I've been so hard up for football that I sat down to watch the combine. The combine is a series of tests for selected college invitees, like the 40-yard dash, the vertical jump and the bench press. Along with a host of additional drills, those tests place the athletes under a microscope of athletic and mental prowess. And boy is it a thorough inspection. I really appreciate the world of constant sports reporting. I love that they televised portions of the combine drills. I was especially fascinated with the 40-yard dash. Some of the players wore skimpy white shorts in order to make themselves as aerodynamic as possible, making the whole surreal run look like a scene from "Baywatch." Draft Day coverage has gotten progressively more entertaining with each passing year. With the presumed top draftees sequestered in a private room, it now has the Hollywood feel of "American Idol" merged with "The Price is Right." As each draft pick is called to the stage, the audience roars its’ opinion and family members begin the someone-is-getting-a-new-house dance. This is the day we dare to dream of a Super Bowl-sealing deal or steal of the century. The day’s results become the trigger for bandwagon jumping and armchair quarterbacking. It is also the day we're bombarded with every fact and piece of minutiae they can dig up about draftees. Besides their sports and college careers, we'll learn who their families are, where they're from and what kind of cereal they ate for breakfast. Some stories will be so poignant they'll pull at our heartstrings and we'll instantly fall into adoration. Prospective rookies will be declared the next great superstar and savior of the team until they crash in training camp, never even making the final roster. Ultimately, all these storylines wet my appetite for the start of the season. I have every intention of making the trek to Wisconsin to gawk with bright eyes and childish glee at my favorite Chiefs as they sweat in training camp. I can think of few things more wholesome than a painful exhibition of skill, violence and endurance. Placing that exhibition inside the sleepy little town of River Falls on a sweet college campus only adds to the experience. I will strive to enjoy every moment of my trip. The youth of my children provides me with a few more free summers. Although not demanded, it would be nice if my following summers were spent strapping on flag football belts and milling around on little league fields. This sentiment is not overly appreciated by Megan Hoyle of Chandler, Arizona. Besides holding the dubious honor of being my friend, Hoyle is a dedicated wife and a mother of three. As I gushed over the possibility of someday filling the off-season by joining a caravan of Americana-oozing soccer moms, I dared to ask what Hoyle was doing during “her” off-season. "Karen, between softball games, baseball games and Mark's basketball, I think I've made the same seven-layer bean dip every weekend for the past seven months,” she said. “Let me know when my off-season starts." I bet she'd be having a lot more fun if her 13-year old daughter playing third base was allowed to blitz the batter.
Posts: 297,121

03-29-2006, 08:43 PM	#31
mike_b_284 Veteran Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Houston, TX Casino cash: $10004900	"is that a dead body?" "yes" "why does it 'ave a tea cozy on its head?"
Posts: 1,173

03-29-2006, 10:20 PM	#32
Hammock Parties I'll be back. Join Date: Nov 2002 Casino cash: $900478	Holy shit. I just realized that. __________________ Chiefs game films
Posts: 297,121

03-30-2006, 12:35 AM	#33
Demonpenz Woman should only make babies Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Apartment "G UNIT!" Casino cash: $-313864	that was a good article, but i know for many of the people around here it is more about baseball. __________________
Posts: 54,947

03-30-2006, 09:09 AM	#42
cmh6476 Keep Camp Home! Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: St Joe MO Casino cash: $-943723	wtf was the point of that? __________________ from September to February! from November to April! from April to October! 2024 Adopt-a-Chief: Xavier Worthy
Posts: 10,988