prayer request: for my children

[Loki]

i have been contemplating wether or not to do this for quite some time and am still not too keen on spilling my guts out on this BB despite the fact that i feel there is a good sense of "community" here. i'm not an overly religious person and somewhat question the power of prayer, but if ever i needed support through prayer, now is that time. i have two beautiful children (daughter age 7, son age 5) and they really need your help/thoughts/prayers.

if any of you have been wondering where i have been or what i've been doing for the past couple months, here's the scoop... please bear with me as this is a LONG story.

for the last 2 years, i have been battling my ex-wife for custody of my children. it has been an ugly UGLY fight both in terms of emotional (and financial) stress.
my ex (from now on will be addressed as "asshole" for storytelling purposes) is a drug (coccaine, weed, pills, etc) abuser, physical abuser, and an emotional abuser. she lives with and associates with an ex-convict and his juvenile delinquent son. these two people also abuse my children when they are around them.

examples of abuse you ask? honestly there are too many to list but i will give you a small sample. (i could seriously write a bible sized book about this.) not feeding the kids, not bathing the kids, not taking them to the doctor's when they are sick or injured, locking them out of the house in rain/snow/cold/night (in t-shirts and shorts) so they could do their drugs, hitting/kicking/beating the kids (i have pictures of bruises), stealing the kid's college funds for drug money, shooting the kids with bb guns, doing drugs in front of the kids, locking the kids in rooms unsupervised with porn movies in the dvd players, yelling/screaming at the kids, telling the kids they wished they were never born, making the kids drink beer, forcing the kids to be physically abusive to each other, threatening the kids, physically abusing the kid's pet dog in front of them to intimidate the kids (ie: i'm going to do this to YOU if you don't...) throwing out the kids birthday/x-mas presents that come from my house/family in front of them (usually after smashing them to bits), smoking (whatever) in front of them and then blowing it in their faces...
*sigh* the list goes on... i'm sure you get the idea, so back to the story.

prior to jan 1st of this year, my children were in asshole's physical custody and were subjected to all sorts of inappropriate or abusive behaviors (as noted above). i was only allowed to see them on weekends. after jan 1st, my children moved in with me and things drastically changed for them (obviously for the better)
within 3 weeks of them living with me, all their teachers (from the private school i had them enrolled in) approached me and said they noticed a complete and positive change in the children's behavior, appearance, and academics. unbeknownst to me, asshole had approached the school and made up all sorts of BS lies and stories about me and none of the teachers would approach or speak with me (for the most part). luckily my son's teachers were some pretty sharp individuals (thanks so much for believing in me mrs. m and mrs. e !!) and pulled me aside prior to the children moving in with me and asked me about the situation. (apparently they had tried contacting asshole since the beginning of the year about my son's aggressive and inappropriate behaviors in class. they insisted that he get some type of counseling but were getting nowhere with asshole so turned to me.) i explained to them that i had been trying to get counseling for my children since the divorce, but was unable to get asshole to sign consent forms because she didn't want the children to talk about her, convict boyfriend, gangster son, or what was going on @ her house. this news disgusted them, so they told me some of the things that asshole had said about me and told me that they would try and help me get some counseling. a couple weeks later (after more unsuccessful attempts to get any response from asshole) i had an official school document DEMANDING counseling for my son and several teachers giving me full support to start some type of action. (they also contacted DSS on my children's behalf due to some of the things my children were telling their teachers at school).

so, with support from the school, and DSS investigating asshole (finally) i decided to make my move and slam this b!tch. i contacted my attorney (who knew i was going to go for custody when i had some ammo), got the kids in with the counselor (i had been trying to get them in with for the last 2 yrs), and served asshole with my intent to sue for full custody.
from there all hell broke loose.

we have been to court at least 6 times in the last 4 months. been subjected to hardcore investigations by the courts and DSS, subjected to drug testing (i have passed all of them because i am CLEAN, while she has failed them... she came out 30 times (16000ng) over the limit (500ng) for coccaine) subjected to countless questioning (the same friggin questions over and over *groan*) by countless court agents (who never seem to pass prior investigation information along) and paid out so much money i've had to sell things and take out loans just to keep up. and this is far from over...

just before our last court appearance (about 3 weeks ago) asshole took my daughter and threw her against a wall and subsequently put her in the hospital. she is out of the hospital now and doing much better. she won't suffer any permanent neurological damage according to the doctors, but didn't have any "marks" on her so the hospital couldn't prove (without reasonable doubt) that asshole did it to her. both my kids vehemently maintain that asshole did do this, but we have no hard proof.

un-fucking-believeable.

currently, i have been granted full physical and legal custody of my children. however, for some strange reason, asshole has been granted visitation rights (every other weekend) and "interim dinner visits" where she can take the kids every wednesday night for 3 hours. thankfully, my daughter (currently) doesn't have to go with asshole, but my son does. (so what fucking GOOD does it mean for me to have full custody if she has any contact with them??!!! someone please enlighten me on that one... i'm baffled...)
at the very least has this change in custody brought about any positive changes? you bet! my kids are now in a new school, love it and are doing GREAT , they have new friends that they get to play with (their mother never let them go visit friends or have friends over because of the drugs... she even used to transport the drugs in their school backpacks... WTF??!!), they now have sleep overs, playdates, birthday parties (where no one smashes their gifts and/or throws them out), they have been begging to play sports and are now enrolled in and playing sports, get to see their counselor/therapist (whom they really dig...) on a weekly basis, and best of all, they are smiling and laughing again... it has been a long time since i've seen something so simple as a smile on their faces (how friggin sad THAT sh*t was... for a LONG time). it is truly a beautiful thing.

it is my firm opinion that asshole should have no contact with my children whatsoever, but apparently the extremely liberal court system in my state doesn't agree with my assessments. (fuck!!) my attorney, on the other hand, is very pleased with current orders as this state is EXTREMELY biased towards women/mothers and fathers usually (99.9% of the time) get totally SHAFTED. at this point i feel i can attest to that.
now asshole has shifted her tactics and is fucking with me with the only group of people who will still listen to her bullsh*t: DSS. she can't beat me in court so she's getting these dumb b4stards to fuck up our world. how is she getting them to listen to her? well, she tells them that i force my kids to watch porn, that i'm a porn addict and that i wank my hogan in front of my kids... she has also threatened my children to lie for her to support her claims. (nice) all her other claims (about me) to DSS have been thrown out as ridiculous, but this time she got their attention. i am now being investigated by these DSS dumbasses for 45 days. fuck!!!

despite the fact that i have a lot of good people backing and supporting me (teachers, lawyers, counselors/therapists, doctors, neighbors, family members, etc..) and that my entire case is based in truth and fact and hers is based on lies and pure bullsh*t, we are going into court yet again for another "pre-trial" hearing this coming thursday the 28th of sept 2006. when will this end??!!

members of chiefsplanet. i humbly ask for your support, thoughts and prayers in regards to this matter on behalf of my children, their safety, well-being and subsequent future(s). i have fought long and hard in this battle for them, and will continue to do so, but i am losing faith in this court system that won't close the door on this and continues to grant their fucked-up mother chances to manipulate and damage their chances of having any form of "normal" childhood.

please keep my children in your thoughts and prayers this coming thursday.

thank you.

[Loki]

Originally Posted by Hydrae

Wow, I feel for ya man. Keep up the good fight, those kids are worth it!

Something to think about, how difficult would it be to get asshole busted with all those drugs around the house? If she is sitting in the Pen she won't be harming the kids. Heck, it might even give her a chance to dry out and find herself.

hmmm... well to be perfectly honest, i have a state cop friend who i discussed possible "busted" scenarios with. unfortunately for me, i have WAYYY too much motive and they'd be knocking on my door all too quickly. damn...

personally instead of finding "herself", i'd prefer she found a long piece of rope and something to hang herself on...

[Loki]

Originally Posted by scott free

Dude i dont even know where to start, as parcells said i dont know that i would have been able to keep my cool, i might have wound up in jail where i would be totally useless=dont go that route as tempting as it is. All you can do is LOVE your kids to death, let'em know how much they mean to you EVERY DAY. I've got a 16 yr.old daughter and 15yr.old son who i get to see every other weekend and i tell them every day. Just remember that when they grow up they will KNOW who loves them and who they want to be around and that rotten bitch will prolly die a broken and LONELY woman. Just keep doing the right thing and you'll win. Godbless!!!

naahh. i don't want to go to the "stripey hole" (jail).

i tell my kids i love them and that i'm proud of them thousands of times a day. they have been through a LOT of crap and been exposed to sh*t that NO CHILD should have to deal with. i just hope i can provide them with some semblance of a happy childhood before it is too late for them... they were forced to grow up well before their time. cripes, when my kids lived with asshole, my poor daughter had to take the role of mother because her "mother" was always off getting fucked up. she did everything from feed him to changing his diapers @ the age of 5. she's a tough little bird, and has always exceeded my expectations.

heh... i don't care if asshole dies broken and lonely... i'll be satisfied with the dying part though...

[Loki]

Originally Posted by Phobia

We got custody of my teenage girls 2 months ago and have to attend their mother's appearl next week. You can do it.

congrats on your victory.

[Adept Havelock]

Fight the good fight Loki. I know you can win this one.


Nolite bastardes carborundorum

[greg63]

Thoughts and prayers for you and your kiddos.

God Bless.

Loki,
I know you have a lot of anger for their mother. I know. I've been there. But she probably won't always be drugged up screwup. She may yet get cleaned up and straighten her life up - which is what you want to happen, believe it or not. Those kids are half of her and if she's an abysmal life failure, they're going to have that hurdle to cross in addition to all the others.

You've got it rough brutha. I wish you well.

The best thing is that you have your kids pretty young. They have a chance. Let me know if I can be of help in some way.

[Loki]

Originally Posted by Bugeater

Our legal system is entirely ****ed up when it comes to this stuff, I'll never understand why the men are always at such a disadvantage. The fact that DSS is entertaining accusations from someone with her background is disturbing as well.

I just hope all turns out well for you & your kids.

dude, that makes two of us!!! WTF is up with the bias against men?

as far as DSS is concerned i fully agree. 45 fuckin days of those assfucks crawling up my ass and dragging my kids down "memory lane"... AGAIN...
everyone keeps saying we need to move the kids beyond all this, yet they're going to drag them through it all over again. hypocritical jackasses... . they're going to find me "negligent" in my children's development when asshole the crackhead is the one calling them 40 times a week making the claims and halting all and any means of forward progress??!!

good work DSS. real perceptive...

[Loki]

Originally Posted by go bo

loki...

congratulations for getting custody of your kids...

i wouldn't worry too much about the court giving custody back to your ex... i mean asshole...

once you've gotten custody based on the mother's behavior, the likelihood that she would regain custody s roughly equal to the likelihood that that i could fly away like a hummingbird any time soon...

don't hold your breath...

you've already won the war (custody), a few more skirmishes and it will all be over with, is my guess...

i was hoping to hear your perspective on this. (you're an attorney aren't you?)

i understand that once custody is granted that it's going to take some SERIOUS pull to overturn the decision. (as far as i know, the intricacies of this case may or may not have set some new precedence in my state... @ least that's what the judge and the GAL were discussing at the last hearing)

my questioning deals more with what GOOD is this decision going to do for me or my kids when she has:
a. visitation
b. is already violating the court order (and in contempt of court) with said visitation based on the fact that she is NOT to have my kids anywhere near ex-convict and gangsta-boy. (according to the order set @ the hearing before custody was assigned to me)

she is the type of asshole that will "agree" with everything in front of the judge, but will do whatever the fuck she wants to do when she leaves the courtroom. she violated the separation/divorce agreement(s) the moment she stepped foot out of the courthouse and never got in trouble, and she is already violating these custody proceedings and we're not even done with all the hearing for fuck's sake!!!

so what good is "full custody" when she has ANY visitation whatsoever considering her blatant disregard of the judge's orders??!!

*groan*

anyways, thanks for your thoughts bo.

[luv]

If you and your ex's roles were reversed, she'd have already been granted full custody. I don't know why it is that the law thinks that mothers deserve more slack than fathers, or that they can somehow care for their children any better than the fathers just because they gave birth to them. Fathers are just as much a part of their children as the mothers are.

You're in my thoughts. Best of luck to you.

[Halfcan]

Hey good luck-I went through a similar situation-mostly abandonment by their Mom-she was wrapped up with a LOSER, that hit my kids. One time when I picked them up, he stepped around the doorway holding a butcher knife to his throat in the background as if to say he was going to kill me. Big Mistake. I stormed in the house after him. He screamed like a girl, dropped the knife, and ran out the back door-through the screen. I got a hand on him ripping his shirt off, but he got away. I chased him up the street-it was 100 degrees out and he was barefoot-burning the living shit out of his feet. I guess he really thought he was a big man and I was going to be scared of a knife. The only smart thing he did that day was to drop it and run. He actually called the cops on ME and said that I tried to kill him-what a dumbshit!!! Yep a real BADASS picking on kids and threatening someone with a big knife.

Long story short, I got FULL custody, the house, everything. You have to be able to stand up for whats right and FIGHT for it at all cost.

Since then, she has straightened up-she had the guy arrested for breaking into her home when she was at work and he went to jail. We share custody depending on our schedules and ALWAYS put the kids first-its not a game-its their life.

A year later, I got a SORRY letter from that asshole-like that could ever make up for what he did-I think it was so he could have peace of mind that I was not waiting around the corner for him. Revenge would have been sooo sweet, but in the long run it would have ruined my life and my kids life-looking back, I am kinda glad he dropped the knife and ran-even though he was a sorry sack of shit-it would be tough to have it on my conscience that I put him out of my misery.

[Valiant]

Originally Posted by Loki

i was hoping to hear your perspective on this. (you're an attorney aren't you?)

i understand that once custody is granted that it's going to take some SERIOUS pull to overturn the decision. (as far as i know, the intricacies of this case may or may not have set some new precedence in my state... @ least that's what the judge and the GAL were discussing at the last hearing)

my questioning deals more with what GOOD is this decision going to do for me or my kids when she has:
a. visitation
b. is already violating the court order (and in contempt of court) with said visitation based on the fact that she is NOT to have my kids anywhere near ex-convict and gangsta-boy. (according to the order set @ the hearing before custody was assigned to me)

she is the type of asshole that will "agree" with everything in front of the judge, but will do whatever the fuck she wants to do when she leaves the courtroom. she violated the separation/divorce agreement(s) the moment she stepped foot out of the courthouse and never got in trouble, and she is already violating these custody proceedings and we're not even done with all the hearing for fuck's sake!!!

so what good is "full custody" when she has ANY visitation whatsoever considering her blatant disregard of the judge's orders??!!

*groan*

anyways, thanks for your thoughts bo.

You get your cop friend or hire a PI to follow her and take pictures of her when she is violating these agreements..

Personally I would be more worried about her just nabbing the kids coming from what you have wrote...

[Loki]

Originally Posted by Phobia

Loki,
I know you have a lot of anger for their mother. I know. I've been there. But she probably won't always be drugged up screwup. She may yet get cleaned up and straighten her life up - which is what you want to happen, believe it or not. Those kids are half of her and if she's an abysmal life failure, they're going to have that hurdle to cross in addition to all the others.

You've got it rough brutha. I wish you well.

The best thing is that you have your kids pretty young. They have a chance. Let me know if I can be of help in some way.

you're damn right i'm all about anger with that complete waste of skin.

i tried the "understanding" and "compassionate" route with that sh*tstain for far too long and got burned far too many times. but that's with me... i'm a big boy and can handle that.
what i can't forgive and probably never will is what she has done to my kids. inexcusable, unforgiveable.
if the day ever comes that my children can forgive her for what she has done to them, then i might consider changing my tune. but i have a strong feeling that it isn't going to happen for a LONG time if it ever happens at all.

the simple fact is that she's a friggin addict, and would sell her grandmother's soul to save her own worhtless ass without a second thought... i can't, couldn't and won't trust her.

it was a "shotgun wedding" to begin with. i never loved her, but did love the idea of being a dad and do love my kids. they are the best things to ever happen in my life. for them i am thankful to her... for everything else, she can completely FOAD...
her family is a complete mess as well and are probably linked to organized crime (mafia). this has NOT been an easy road... both of her brothers have threatened my life. sweet stuff eh?
i must admit i do worry from time to time when i put the keys in the ignition every morning to go to work... is today the day i blow up??

cripes... old loki's randy wang done got him in a heap'o'trouble...

[Logical]

Loki, you are in my thoughts as are your children. It is so wrong that the young must endure such trials may the creator give your family peace and guidance.

[ChiefFan31]

Wow, I just read this....

Un-****ing-believable. That is a true nightmare story man. Prayers for your situation and for your kids. I never really read stories about this, but have heard of a few.

It really is a shame in this instance how the courts will bend over backwards to accomodate the mother of the children.

And lastly, I applaud your willingness and patience to stick by the system and see this thing through the legal way. I couldnt imagine how hard it was to not go over there and physically (talking about loser boyfriend) do something about it, but where would that get you? In jail and your kids in her permanent custody...

One thing...maybe a Private Detective to get photos of the kids mother doing drugs is a possibility? Even though it sounds like the time for that possibility has passed with you getting custody, but maybe it could help to minimize her visitation rights (just a thought)

[Chief Henry]

Prayers have been sent Loki and Prayers are powerful.

Its amazing what some children have to put up with.