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#2 |
Guest
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You missed a couple words - other than that it was interesting.
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#3 |
MVP
Join Date: Sep 2003
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I don't feel like I ever got the point.
![]() It kind of acts like it's going a few different places, but never seems to take me there. It has potential, though. |
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#4 |
I'll be back.
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Who did you write this for?
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Chiefs game films |
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#5 | |
Someone pass the antifreeze
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Quote:
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#6 |
Woman should only make babies
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without reading it i think it is shitty
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#7 | |
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Quote:
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#8 |
Supporter
Join Date: Oct 2000
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Agree with Simplex. You're starting off with an interesting character and place but you need to decide where to go with it. I was still looking for a story to get started when it ended.
You write well and pick good subject matter, you should stick with it. |
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#9 |
fides quaerens intellectum
Join Date: Oct 2003
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Thank you for the comments so far. I'm going to have to think of a better way to end it, tie it all together. I don't want to advertise the place. My initial thought is to provide a long paragraph of what Ishtar had said about psychics stuff.
Personally, I think they're all a bunch of crap, and my feelings haven't changed after going through a session. But I don't think I made a strong enough argument of that in the article, so maybe that would just come out of nowhere... This is for the college newspaper, btw. I'm usually just a reporter, just give the straight facts with some quotes and decent commentary, but I wanted to try something more creative this time around. |
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#10 | |
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#11 | |
fides quaerens intellectum
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Quote:
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#12 | |
MVP
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Quote:
1. Gullible people 2. Some personal spontaneous evolution moment |
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#13 | |
'Stachecicle
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Quote:
FYP
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"I don't really think there is a need to raise or debate this point." -jAZ |
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#14 | |
fides quaerens intellectum
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Quote:
![]() I made some edits. They are in bold. |
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#15 |
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Better with the edits. You wrap up and solidify where you were driving to.
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