It should be banned!

[DenverChief]

Amazing

Whereas:

More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

Newborn babies can choke on bread.

Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

Therefore:

In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:

No sale of bread to minors.

A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, with complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.

A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.

No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.

The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

[rad]

[Hammock Parties]

The benefits of abstaining from bread use are obvious. Low carb diets result in weight loss.

[Halfcan]

bread sucks

[DenverChief]

Originally Posted by GOATSE

Low carb diets result in weight loss.

so does exercise

[headsnap]

everyone who has ever eaten carrots will eventually DIE!!!!



if they haven't already!

[rad]

Originally Posted by GOATSE

The benefits of abstaining from bread use are obvious. Low carb diets result in weight loss.

So does exercising "moderation".

[Hammock Parties]

Originally Posted by DenverChief

so does exercise

The benefits of exercise are obvious. You get ripped and get to stare at high school girls' cute little derrieres.

[kstater]

derrières

Aren't you a proofreader?

[Rain Man]

I read something chilling the other day. Every single person who fought in the Civil War died.

[kstater]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I read something chilling the other day. Every single person who fought in the Civil War died.

Heh, had to think about that for a few seconds.

[DenverChief]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I read something chilling the other day. Every single person who fought in the Civil War died.

the Civil war is evil! but still has nothing on bread....the civil war was not a gateway to other ...wait!

[Hammock Parties]

Originally Posted by kstater

derrières

Aren't you a proofreader?

I don't know the keyboard command for that french bullshit.

[kstater]

Originally Posted by GOATSE

I don't know the keyboard command for that french bullshit.

Use Firefox, spell check fixes it for you.

[Hammock Parties]

Originally Posted by kstater

Use Firefox, spell check fixes it for you.

I do. It didn't give me any french bullshit options.

DO YOU YIELD???