I'm cohabitating... would appreciate any advice.

[Direckshun]

Well I did the dumbest ****ing thing possible and fell in love with someone.

Now we're making plans to move in together sometime this coming fall. She's lived with a significant other before, but this is the first time I've ever done it.

So considering how green I am to the whole process, I'd appreciate the ironclad braintrust at the Planet to provide me with advice (preferably from experience) so I don't walk into bear trap after bear trap throughout this ordeal.

Thanks in advance.

[luv]

Originally Posted by Rain Man

I would advise you to hold your ground on the means by which you fold the towels, and how clean the dishes need to be when they go in the dishwasher, and where the toothpaste tube is squeezed. These may not seem like big deals, but if you fold on them, you'll lose traction on more important issues that arise later.

Also, the toilet paper should always go on to where it rolls over the top.

[keg in kc]

Originally Posted by luv

Also, the toilet paper should always go on to where it rolls over the top.

One of the weird things that's always annoyed me. Somebody putting the tp on backwards.

[AustinChief]

Originally Posted by cdcox

The church has historically interpreted adultry as mentioned in the 6th commandment rather broadly to encompass all sexual sin. This is consistent with the teachings of Jesus:

"But I say to you, That whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart." Matthew 5:28

um, nope.

The commandment as WRITTEN is very very clear. ADULTERY is sex with a MARRIED WOMAN. End of story. In the Judaic tradition it was quite specific.

Now, if you want to talk about the MODERN Church...

The modern Catechism of the Catholic Church expresses: "Adultery refers to marital infidelity. When two partners, of whom at least one is married to another party, have sexual relations—even transient ones—they commit adultery."

If some made up church believes otherwise, then fair enough... but when it comes to defining the Commandments.. I tend to defer to what they were MEANT to be understood to say AT THE TIME THEY WERE WRITTEN and by the people that they were written for.

If I write a law that forbids quaqlagog and I define quaglagog to be the drinking of beer through a straw. Then somewhere down the line people start to think of quaglagog as the drinking of ANY fermented beverage through a straw... Does that mean I am breaking the law if I drink wine through a straw? See the problem with reintepretation?

Sorry for the hijacking... misinterpretation of the bible is a pet peeve....

My advice, I'm sure someone has mentioned it... COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE COMMUNICATE. It isn't just about saying what needs to be said.. but also learning HOW to say it. ASK HER how she prefers to be communicated with... and try to accomodate that.

[booger]

part 1


part 2

[cdcox]

Originally Posted by AustinChief

um, nope.

The commandment as WRITTEN is very very clear. ADULTERY is sex with a MARRIED WOMAN. End of story. In the Judaic tradition it was quite specific.

Now, if you want to talk about the MODERN Church...


If some made up church believes otherwise, then fair enough... but when it comes to defining the Commandments.. I tend to defer to what they were MEANT to be understood to say AT THE TIME THEY WERE WRITTEN and by the people that they were written for.

If I write a law that forbids quaqlagog and I define quaglagog to be the drinking of beer through a straw. Then somewhere down the line people start to think of quaglagog as the drinking of ANY fermented beverage through a straw... Does that mean I am breaking the law if I drink wine through a straw? See the problem with reintepretation?

Sorry for the hijacking... misinterpretation of the bible is a pet peeve....

It all boils down to what you think the 10 commandments are. If you think they are a tradition created by humans to govern their own situation in a particular time and place. then, you could make an arguement for a very narrow "constructionist" interpretation. However, in that case, they would have zero relevance for today since that society and culture is long dead. Even modern day religious Jews do not live in the culture of circa 1500 BC, hence the laws written by humans in that time and place have no bearing on today.

If on the other hand you think the 10 commandments are written by God then you would need to consider what the giver of the 10 commandments say about them. I fall into this camp. Specifically, I believe they were written by the Triune God as revealed in the Old and New Testament in order to show all people their sins. Therefore, what the second person of the Trinity (Jesus Christ) has to say about them is very relevant, since Jesus is the author.

I think we probably disagree on who is the author and what was/is their purpose. Without agreement on that point, it is rather difficult to have a meaningful discussion.

[EyePod]

Really, just be willing to change some of the normal things you're used to. If things seem to bother her, then let her know you'll try and stop. If she's rational (and you are too), then she'll hopefully do the same with you. Also, do household things together i.e. I take the laundry downstairs and put it in the washer, my gf switches it to the dryer and after takes it upstairs. Then we both fold it (together, or one of us will surprise the other and do it). Good Luck and let us know how it goes.....

[Mile High Mania]

Originally Posted by Direckshun

Well I did the dumbest ****ing thing possible and fell in love with someone.

Now we're making plans to move in together sometime this coming fall. She's lived with a significant other before, but this is the first time I've ever done it.

So considering how green I am to the whole process, I'd appreciate the ironclad braintrust at the Planet to provide me with advice (preferably from experience) so I don't walk into bear trap after bear trap throughout this ordeal.

Thanks in advance.

I haven't read through all the replies...

I lived with an ex for a while (just after college) and I lived with my wife for about 3 months leading up to the wedding, so I did this twice. I've changed my view on things in the last 12 years... but, I'll save you that and just say that you have to live with your decisions.

I don't know how involved you are with this girl... I don't know her history, but it sounds like she's been down this path before. Living with a girl is a big step, especially if you want it to lead somewhere. So, be smart about... don't listen to a bunch of guys on a message board.

Some things you have to figure out for yourself. Nobody knows what is up in your life with this girl except you... I don't know what you believe in and I'm not going to try and discuss it on a message board.

Just think about it and don't be stupid.

Oh and maybe you were trying to be cool, but looking at the BOLD parts above... you shouldn't do it. Also, why are you waiting until the fall? Current lease situations or what...

[AustinChief]

Originally Posted by cdcox

I think we probably disagree on who is the author and what was/is their purpose. Without agreement on that point, it is rather difficult to have a meaningful discussion.

Fair enough, I can go with TWO possible arguements. #1 must be looked at int he exact context of the time/culture from which it came .. or #2 brought to us by God .. in which case I would defer to the people most qualified to interpret the EXACT meaning... which in my opinion would be the Catholic Church... (who broaden the definition to mean any extramarital relation.. but DOES not apply it to single persons)

That was the real basis for my disagreement with KCJohnny... Either you take a strict view of what was written and what it was meant to say at that time OR you can look at the more evolved fluid view passed down from Churches that can rightfully claim to be a direct lineage of that time (Catholic, Coptic, Eastern Orthodox, etc etc)

I just don't feel that people like KCJohnny (No offense KCJ) are qualified to tell someone how to apply the 6th Commandment, nor do I think Pastor Joe is... that is why I defer to the big boys.

[stlchiefs]

Originally Posted by Mile High Mania

I haven't read through all the replies...

I lived with an ex for a while (just after college) and I lived with my wife for about 3 months leading up to the wedding, so I did this twice. I've changed my view on things in the last 12 years... but, I'll save you that and just say that you have to live with your decisions.

I don't know how involved you are with this girl... I don't know her history, but it sounds like she's been down this path before. Living with a girl is a big step, especially if you want it to lead somewhere. So, be smart about... don't listen to a bunch of guys on a message board.

Some things you have to figure out for yourself. Nobody knows what is up in your life with this girl except you... I don't know what you believe in and I'm not going to try and discuss it on a message board.

Just think about it and don't be stupid.

Oh and maybe you were trying to be cool, but looking at the BOLD parts above... you shouldn't do it. Also, why are you waiting until the fall? Current lease situations or what...

Summary: don't listen to guys on a message board, they are idiots. So here is my opinion, you should listen to it.

[keg in kc]

Originally Posted by AustinChief

Either you take a strict view of what was written and what it was meant to say at that time OR you can look at the more evolved fluid view passed down from Churches that can rightfully claim to be a direct lineage of that time (Catholic, Coptic, Eastern Orthodox, etc etc)

Religions are largely political entities, and in that light, the ten commandments, and the meaning of much of the bible (and much of religion, in fact, as far as interpretation goes) are fluid. Interpretation is generally a matter of what most benefits the folks in charge, and morality is usually summed up by "we do it this way, so it must be right, the rest of you are wrong. Until we change, in which case the new way is right. Unless we go back to the old way later. Either way, you're wrong, and will go to hell for not being like us."

[Marty Mac Ver 2.0]

Winner, winner chicken dinner. I'm in this boat right now.

Originally Posted by Joie

Aces and I were together for 3 1/2 years before he proposed. I made it clear I wanted to eventually get married, but he didn't ask until HE was ready to. I strongly suggest all men do the same...you don't want to propose, and then regret it.

[stlchiefs]

Originally Posted by EyePod

Really, just be willing to change some of the normal things you're used to. If things seem to bother her, then let her know you'll try and stop. If she's rational (and you are too), then she'll hopefully do the same with you. Also, do household things together i.e. I take the laundry downstairs and put it in the washer, my gf switches it to the dryer and after takes it upstairs. Then we both fold it (together, or one of us will surprise the other and do it). Good Luck and let us know how it goes.....

Friend: Hey come hit this right here, you need to hit this.
EyePod: No, I appreciate it, but I told my wife I wouldn't drink tonight. Besides I got a big day tomorrow, you guys have a great time.
Friend: A big day? Doin what?
EyePod: Well, um, actually pretty nice little Saturday. We're uh, gonna go to Home Depot, yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, and Beyond I don't know. I don't know if we'll have enough time.

[cdcox]

Originally Posted by AustinChief

Fair enough, I can go with TWO possible arguements. #1 must be looked at int he exact context of the time/culture from which it came .. or #2 brought to us by God .. in which case I would defer to the people most qualified to interpret the EXACT meaning... which in my opinion would be the Catholic Church... (who broaden the definition to mean any extramarital relation.. but DOES not apply it to single persons)

That was the real basis for my disagreement with KCJohnny... Either you take a strict view of what was written and what it was meant to say at that time OR you can look at the more evolved fluid view passed down from Churches that can rightfully claim to be a direct lineage of that time (Catholic, Coptic, Eastern Orthodox, etc etc)

I just don't feel that people like KCJohnny (No offense KCJ) are qualified to tell someone how to apply the 6th Commandment, nor do I think Pastor Joe is... that is why I defer to the big boys.

The Roman Catholic Church most certainly does apply the sixth commandment to single persons. The link below is the section of the Roman Catholic Catechism that explains the sixth commandment.

http://www.vatican.va/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm

[luv]

If Direckshun isn't violating any beliefs he may have, then I say he's good.

[Al Bundy]

I am currently living with my girlfriend. Everything is everything. We fit together perfectly in just about every way possible.