Chiefs OT-Broken Heart?! - Page 10

jaa1025 · 06:48 PM

EDIT: Holy Shit I was a pussy!

Anyways, this bitch texted me 4 years later last night. "oops, that was to the wrong JXXXXX...anyways how are you". She's married now for 5 months but wants to get together to hook up. Says that the sex was great and missed it. Apparently she's a swinger and her husband is cool with it. Part of me wants to do it because the sex was great but I have moral issues.

**************************************************************************************************** ***********************************

How the F*** do you fix this stupid thing? Hope for lightning to strike you or a tornado to take you away??

I figured becoming a man slut and sleeping with every random girl that I could would help, but I'd probably end up regretting that somehow.

How the F*** do you fix this stupid thing? Hope for lightning to strike you or a tornado to take you away??

I figured becoming a man slut and sleeping with every random girl that I could would help, but I'd probably end up regretting that somehow.

Summery of the happenings.

Jane Doe and I dated for a little over 3 months. She's beautiful, sweet and we both really liked (loved) each other. She has one hang up though....she's confused about what she wants. She "wants a relationship, but isn't ready...and won't be for a long time". She "love's" me, but that didn't change her wanting to date other people. She was in a long relationship, year and a half and was engaged that ended in January. She was afraid I would be the rebound guy.

About 2 months into it...she told me that she loved me. Now, she was drinking, but alcohol doesn't change feelings in my opinion...it might make you say things that you normally won't when you are sober. Things were going VERY well until then. Once that was said, it freaked her out. She kept maintaining though that she didn't want a relationship throughout this. She hadn't dated anyone else since the first few weeks of us dating, but again down hill...she went out on a few dates. Specifically, it later came out that she had started hanging out with her next door neighbor and kissed him. In fact, her roommate had been out of town the last week we were dating and she had asked me to stay with her because she doesn't like to be alone...I worked...she slept on the neighbors "couch" instead.

So...I wanted to talk to her about the direction we were headed. She started pulling away, I started to give her space. I wasn't there when she called me and didn't text her back right away...this happened for a week. She stopped calling me baby and a lot of little 'pet names' that she had been calling me. Sex, which used to happen at least once a day...didn't happen the last week.

Tuesday, the 20th, I went over to her house to talk. I told her that I didn't like the direction that we were going. She told me that I had started acting weird. I explained that I noticed that she had started to pull away as I was giving her space and I didn't like that. I asked her if she had been dating anyone else and she said no...not really. I asked her about her neighbor, she said no, but they had been hanging out and they had kissed. I told her that I wanted more and I knew she couldn't do it and I told her that I couldn't do this anymore....and left.

Unfortunately...as some here have pointed out...I left my balls there. I cried for the first time in a very long time...every time a song came on that we listened together to...tv shows that we seen...everything reminded me of her. I left a freaking softball game because of how bad I played because I was being a pillowbiter. So, I called/texted/emailed her trying to work things out...I regretted that decision ever since I left. She got upset and was a bitch on the phone. I was an ass to her back.

Last Sunday, I went to her house to get my stuff. We talked for a few minutes and I thought things would be alright. We planned on going out for dinner later in the week. So, thinking things were better and since I didn't get a chance to talk to her about things, I emailed her. I knew she was busy with her mom later that day, which is why I chose that route. She never responded. I texted her the next morning when I got off work like I normally did wishing her a good day etc. Nothing. I called Tuesday...didn't answer. WTF??!! Things were alright...right? So...I emailed her at work. She called, bitched me out. Basically saying not to bring her personal life to work etc etc. The email wasn't bad at all...not sure what this was about. I responded very badly and told her basically to kick rocks. She told me that basically she lied to me the whole time about her feelings for me and led me on. While I know it's not true...it was mean to say it. Ouch.

After letting that settle in for a few days, I didn't want it to end like this. We had shared so much over the last 3+ months that I didn't want to leave it with us basically hating each other. So, I went to her house to drop off the rest of her stuff (used that as an excuse). We ended up talking for 3 1/2 hours. It went REALLY well. I gave her a massage...talked and watched her dog that once loved me...stare me down and growl at me. She gave me a huge long hug which she wouldn't let go when I tried to pull away early. I looked at her and kissed her forehead. Then I said goodbye. She said she needed more than 2 days to cool off from our last conversation...and would call me when she figures a few things out.

Who knows how it will turn out...I won't go back to how it was...but I do want her in my life.

HMc · 05-27-2008, 01:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PastorMikH

I'd treat her nice and respectful when I saw her around, I'd talk to her if she were to seek me out, but everything within me would be moving on. Yeah, my heart would hurt, but I'd shove the feelings under a smile and keep holding my head up anyway and move on without looking back.

Yeah this is also important. Always smile and be polite when you see them around. Act like your shit is all sorted, and always be the one to end the conversation because you have to go somewhere else/talk to someone else.

**DaneMcCloud** · 05-27-2008, 01:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaa1025

Not really emotional issues but has no idea what she wants...which might be worse.

Yes.

And if at age 23 she hasn't figured out what she wants, the same advice applies.

Not.

Worth.

It.

Heartache sucks but breaking it off after only 3.5 months sounds to me like you're missing the pierced-nipples, long legs and sexy time.

You haven't said anything else complimentary about her, which is what leads me to that conclusion.

Personally, I think you should go out and bone-around. You're not with her anymore and its time to move on.

It's my experience that no one regrets boning around when single. Most regret NOT being able to bone around when they're in an unhappy marriage or relationship.

Enjoy it while the time is right.

jaa1025 · 05-27-2008, 01:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HMc

crap, that's in no man's land. If she's 19, you cease contact. 26, and you write the letter.

Regardless given your attempts at contact thatve failed, you gotta stop that. Don't initiate shit. Then, IF she attempts to contact you, do the following...

Text message - DONT reply immediately, you'll look desperate. Or more desperate. Leave at least a couple hours delay. Don't feel the need to explain your delayed response.

Phone Call - DONT answer it. Text her a couple hours later, tell her you were having lunch with a friend. Don't say MATE or BUDDY or whatever generic word you use to describe your MALE friends. Introduce some ambiguity.

Appear to be real busy with work/play/whatever. Even if you arent. Don't give her the impression you're sitting arounf crying about it all. NOT attractive.

Great advice. She's in the middle at 23.

I know how desperate I must have looked talking to her this past week. I know it's unattractive and I knew it when I did it, but still did it anyways.

ClevelandBronco · 05-27-2008, 01:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HMc

Yeah this is also important. Always smile and be polite when you see them around. Act like your shit is all sorted, and always be the one to end the conversation because you have to go somewhere else/talk to someone else.

I remember this exact advice coming from Mike Damone in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

HMc · 05-27-2008, 01:12 AM

Most of what Dane said is bullshit, IMHO, if she calls you up and says that going without you has demonstrated to her that she really wants you, you're not going to tell her to F off so you can bone randoms.

**DaneMcCloud** · 05-27-2008, 01:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HMc

Most of what Dane said is bullshit, IMHO, if she calls you up and says that going without you has demonstrated to her that she really wants you, you're not going to tell her to F off so you can bone randoms.

Well, good for you.

Personally, I wouldn't spend two seconds with an emotionally detached 23 year old chick who doesn't have a clue as to what she wants in life (least of all, who she wants to be with) but go ahead with your bad self.

Mr. Damone.

jaa1025 · 05-27-2008, 01:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaneMcCloud

Yes.

And if at age 23 she hasn't figured out what she wants, the same advice applies.

Not.

Worth.

It.

Heartache sucks but breaking it off after only 3.5 months sounds to me like you're missing the pierced-nipples, long legs and sexy time.

You haven't said anything else complimentary about her, which is what leads me to that conclusion.

Personally, I think you should go out and bone-around. You're not with her anymore and its time to move on.

It's my experience that no one regrets boning around when single. Most regret NOT being able to bone around when they're in an unhappy marriage or relationship.

Enjoy it while the time is right.

Well, that was to satisfy the people that were demanding a pic. Sure, the looks really intrigued me and attracted me at first. It was everything else that had me head over heals for her. It was her laugh, her smile...the way she looked at me. The feeling I got laying in bed when she would tell me that no one has ever treated her as well as I have. The way she played around acting like she was tough and tried to playfully beat me up. The little games that we would play when she was bored at work via text messages. She made me feel like I was better than I am...I loved that. All of it. My friend, it was soooo much more than looks.

**DaneMcCloud** · 05-27-2008, 01:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaa1025

Well, that was to satisfy the people that were demanding a pic. Sure, the looks really intrigued me and attracted me at first. It was everything else that had me head over heals for her. It was her laugh, her smile...the way she looked at me. The feeling I got laying in bed when she would tell me that no one has ever treated her as well as I have. The way she played around acting like she was tough and tried to playfully beat me up. The little games that we would play when she was bored at work via text messages. She made me feel like I was better than I am...I loved that. All of it. My friend, it was soooo much more than looks.

Then WHY did you break it off 7 days ago?

jaa1025 · 05-27-2008, 01:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PastorMikH

Just went through something somewhat similar to this with the oldest daughter (16

)(without the piercings and intamacy - I hope). She dumped her boyfriend of a little over a year back around Jan/Feb. Then, when he moved on and started noticing other girls, she started getting upset. He thought it was funny that she was jealous after breaking up with him so he played it up. I wasn't very popular over the last 3 months because I kept telling her that SHE BROKE UP WITH HIM and he has every right to move on and she needed to move on as well.

She broke up with him in attempt to straighten him out. But when he didn't come crawling back, begging her forgiveness and promising to change, she realized she overstepped. But, like I told her, once that hand is played it's too late to pull it back.

It's taken 3 months but she is finally realizing that this guy isn't the only one out there, nor is he the best guy out there either. She's also realized that her "Out of touch with reality" dad does indeed have a bit more experience in these matters than she gave him credit for.

If I were in your shoes, and had done what you've done, no matter how I felt, I would start moving on and if she came back to me, then I'd consider the situation when it does take place. I'd treat her nice and respectful when I saw her around, I'd talk to her if she were to seek me out, but everything within me would be moving on. Yeah, my heart would hurt, but I'd shove the feelings under a smile and keep holding my head up anyway and move on without looking back.

No matter how great she seemed, she wasn't perfect and there are others out there. But, they won't put up with a guy that is still hooked on an Ex - and you won't notice them if you are still dwelling on a past relationship. Learn from this one and move on.

Yes, I feel like a 16 yo in this situation. I guess part of the reason I ended it was to make her realize that things had to change. I couldn't take her wanting to date other guys. She told me that if she doesn't date other guys and just dates me, then that's a relationship and she wasn't ready for that...with anyone. (still hung up on her ex of a year and a half I think). I don't know if I could have changed her opinion just by talking because she was dead set on this in her mind.

**DaneMcCloud** · 05-27-2008, 01:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaa1025

Yes, I feel like a 16 yo in this situation. I guess part of the reason I ended it was to make her realize that things had to change. I couldn't take her wanting to date other guys. She told me that if she doesn't date other guys and just dates me, then that's a relationship and she wasn't ready for that...with anyone. (still hung up on her ex of a year and a half I think). I don't know if I could have changed her opinion just by talking because she was dead set on this in her mind.

Dude, just move on.

She's wanting to date other guys? **** that.

Move on.

HMc · 05-27-2008, 01:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaa1025

Great advice. She's in the middle at 23.

I know how desperate I must have looked talking to her this past week. I know it's unattractive and I knew it when I did it, but still did it anyways.

Don't worry about it mate, i'ts done. I know what you mean about knowing its the wrong thing to do even when you were doing it yet doing it anyway. We've all been there. The ability to avoid that gets better with practice i've found.

Personally i think the best thing to do is to go out with your friends and have a good time. Let your hair down, whether its beers/cigarettes/coke or whatever does it for you. Maybe call up an old friend and renew a friendship. If it's a female, don't breakdown and talk their ear off about your problems, act like you're over the chick. Tell em you broke up with her cos it wasnt working. Even if you don't have an interest in that girl its good practice for those that you will do.

ClevelandBronco · 05-27-2008, 01:24 AM

You've said that she is confused, and that may very well be true.

But you sound as if you are confused as well.

When you think about your life a year from now, would you want her to be a part of it? Are you prepared to be a part of her life? Can it extend beyond a year? Could it become a lifetime commitment?

Just what are you looking for?

jaa1025 · 05-27-2008, 01:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaneMcCloud

Then WHY did you break it off 7 days ago?

Because she wanted to date other people and I wanted more. I knew she loved me before she even said the words by the way she acted, the things she said...she was really into me. Once she said that...she pulled away. Then on one of her dates, she kissed the guy. He happened to be her next door neighbor.

I ended it within 2 minutes of hearing that. I didn't want to know why or if it happened more than once. If he initiated it or if she did...I just had to end it. In doing that, I hoped that she would stop me. I hoped that she would want me back, but things would have to change.

If she wasn't ready for not dating other people...then I couldn't do it. Now...I'd take back what we had and work on getting her mind on me...the prize. Well...that was earlier...Now, after reading replies and talking to a few friends...she needs to come back on my terms because this will happen again and I'll get hurt again.

jaa1025 · 05-27-2008, 01:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ClevelandBronco

You've said that she is confused, and that may very well be true.

But you sound as if you are confused as well.

When you think about your life a year from now, would you want her to be a part of it? Are you prepared to be a part of her life? Can it extend beyond a year? Could it become a lifetime commitment?

Just what are you looking for?

Yes...she asked me a few weeks ago what I wanted in 5 years. I told her married, big house and starting a family...it's what she told me she wanted to. Question came out of the blue.

HMc · 05-27-2008, 01:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaneMcCloud

Well, good for you.

Personally, I wouldn't spend two seconds with an emotionally detached 23 year old chick who doesn't have a clue as to what she wants in life (least of all, who she wants to be with) but go ahead with your bad self.

Mr. Damone.

I was just disagreeing. Why you bothered to neg rep AND send me a PM laced with F bombs, i don't understand.

Oh and yes, i think you're a complete wanker.

05-26-2008, 05:17 PM
jaa1025 Veteran Join Date: Nov 2006 Casino cash: $10000898	OT-Broken Heart?! EDIT: Holy Shit I was a pussy! Anyways, this bitch texted me 4 years later last night. "oops, that was to the wrong JXXXXX...anyways how are you". She's married now for 5 months but wants to get together to hook up. Says that the sex was great and missed it. Apparently she's a swinger and her husband is cool with it. Part of me wants to do it because the sex was great but I have moral issues. ************************************************************************************************** ******************************* How the F* do you fix this stupid thing? Hope for lightning to strike you or a tornado to take you away?? I figured becoming a man slut and sleeping with every random girl that I could would help, but I'd probably end up regretting that somehow. How the F*** do you fix this stupid thing? Hope for lightning to strike you or a tornado to take you away?? I figured becoming a man slut and sleeping with every random girl that I could would help, but I'd probably end up regretting that somehow. Summery of the happenings. Jane Doe and I dated for a little over 3 months. She's beautiful, sweet and we both really liked (loved) each other. She has one hang up though....she's confused about what she wants. She "wants a relationship, but isn't ready...and won't be for a long time". She "love's" me, but that didn't change her wanting to date other people. She was in a long relationship, year and a half and was engaged that ended in January. She was afraid I would be the rebound guy. About 2 months into it...she told me that she loved me. Now, she was drinking, but alcohol doesn't change feelings in my opinion...it might make you say things that you normally won't when you are sober. Things were going VERY well until then. Once that was said, it freaked her out. She kept maintaining though that she didn't want a relationship throughout this. She hadn't dated anyone else since the first few weeks of us dating, but again down hill...she went out on a few dates. Specifically, it later came out that she had started hanging out with her next door neighbor and kissed him. In fact, her roommate had been out of town the last week we were dating and she had asked me to stay with her because she doesn't like to be alone...I worked...she slept on the neighbors "couch" instead. So...I wanted to talk to her about the direction we were headed. She started pulling away, I started to give her space. I wasn't there when she called me and didn't text her back right away...this happened for a week. She stopped calling me baby and a lot of little 'pet names' that she had been calling me. Sex, which used to happen at least once a day...didn't happen the last week. Tuesday, the 20th, I went over to her house to talk. I told her that I didn't like the direction that we were going. She told me that I had started acting weird. I explained that I noticed that she had started to pull away as I was giving her space and I didn't like that. I asked her if she had been dating anyone else and she said no...not really. I asked her about her neighbor, she said no, but they had been hanging out and they had kissed. I told her that I wanted more and I knew she couldn't do it and I told her that I couldn't do this anymore....and left. Unfortunately...as some here have pointed out...I left my balls there. I cried for the first time in a very long time...every time a song came on that we listened together to...tv shows that we seen...everything reminded me of her. I left a freaking softball game because of how bad I played because I was being a pillowbiter. So, I called/texted/emailed her trying to work things out...I regretted that decision ever since I left. She got upset and was a bitch on the phone. I was an ass to her back. Last Sunday, I went to her house to get my stuff. We talked for a few minutes and I thought things would be alright. We planned on going out for dinner later in the week. So, thinking things were better and since I didn't get a chance to talk to her about things, I emailed her. I knew she was busy with her mom later that day, which is why I chose that route. She never responded. I texted her the next morning when I got off work like I normally did wishing her a good day etc. Nothing. I called Tuesday...didn't answer. WTF??!! Things were alright...right? So...I emailed her at work. She called, bitched me out. Basically saying not to bring her personal life to work etc etc. The email wasn't bad at all...not sure what this was about. I responded very badly and told her basically to kick rocks. She told me that basically she lied to me the whole time about her feelings for me and led me on. While I know it's not true...it was mean to say it. Ouch. After letting that settle in for a few days, I didn't want it to end like this. We had shared so much over the last 3+ months that I didn't want to leave it with us basically hating each other. So, I went to her house to drop off the rest of her stuff (used that as an excuse). We ended up talking for 3 1/2 hours. It went REALLY well. I gave her a massage...talked and watched her dog that once loved me...stare me down and growl at me. She gave me a huge long hug which she wouldn't let go when I tried to pull away early. I looked at her and kissed her forehead. Then I said goodbye. She said she needed more than 2 days to cool off from our last conversation...and would call me when she figures a few things out. Who knows how it will turn out...I won't go back to how it was...but I do want her in my life. Last edited by jaa1025; 09-06-2012 at 06:48 PM..
Posts: 2,922

05-27-2008, 01:12 AM	#140
HMc from the very deep south. Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Sydney, Australia. Casino cash: $9944900	Most of what Dane said is bullshit, IMHO, if she calls you up and says that going without you has demonstrated to her that she really wants you, you're not going to tell her to F off so you can bone randoms.
Posts: 2,792

05-27-2008, 01:24 AM	#147
ClevelandBronco I'm with the banned. Join Date: Sep 2006 Casino cash: $5658955	You've said that she is confused, and that may very well be true. But you sound as if you are confused as well. When you think about your life a year from now, would you want her to be a part of it? Are you prepared to be a part of her life? Can it extend beyond a year? Could it become a lifetime commitment? Just what are you looking for?
Posts: 28,113