OT-Broken Heart?!

[jaa1025]

EDIT: Holy Shit I was a pussy!

Anyways, this bitch texted me 4 years later last night. "oops, that was to the wrong JXXXXX...anyways how are you". She's married now for 5 months but wants to get together to hook up. Says that the sex was great and missed it. Apparently she's a swinger and her husband is cool with it. Part of me wants to do it because the sex was great but I have moral issues.

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How the F*** do you fix this stupid thing? Hope for lightning to strike you or a tornado to take you away??

I figured becoming a man slut and sleeping with every random girl that I could would help, but I'd probably end up regretting that somehow.

How the F*** do you fix this stupid thing? Hope for lightning to strike you or a tornado to take you away??

I figured becoming a man slut and sleeping with every random girl that I could would help, but I'd probably end up regretting that somehow.

Summery of the happenings.

Jane Doe and I dated for a little over 3 months. She's beautiful, sweet and we both really liked (loved) each other. She has one hang up though....she's confused about what she wants. She "wants a relationship, but isn't ready...and won't be for a long time". She "love's" me, but that didn't change her wanting to date other people. She was in a long relationship, year and a half and was engaged that ended in January. She was afraid I would be the rebound guy.

About 2 months into it...she told me that she loved me. Now, she was drinking, but alcohol doesn't change feelings in my opinion...it might make you say things that you normally won't when you are sober. Things were going VERY well until then. Once that was said, it freaked her out. She kept maintaining though that she didn't want a relationship throughout this. She hadn't dated anyone else since the first few weeks of us dating, but again down hill...she went out on a few dates. Specifically, it later came out that she had started hanging out with her next door neighbor and kissed him. In fact, her roommate had been out of town the last week we were dating and she had asked me to stay with her because she doesn't like to be alone...I worked...she slept on the neighbors "couch" instead.

So...I wanted to talk to her about the direction we were headed. She started pulling away, I started to give her space. I wasn't there when she called me and didn't text her back right away...this happened for a week. She stopped calling me baby and a lot of little 'pet names' that she had been calling me. Sex, which used to happen at least once a day...didn't happen the last week.

Tuesday, the 20th, I went over to her house to talk. I told her that I didn't like the direction that we were going. She told me that I had started acting weird. I explained that I noticed that she had started to pull away as I was giving her space and I didn't like that. I asked her if she had been dating anyone else and she said no...not really. I asked her about her neighbor, she said no, but they had been hanging out and they had kissed. I told her that I wanted more and I knew she couldn't do it and I told her that I couldn't do this anymore....and left.

Unfortunately...as some here have pointed out...I left my balls there. I cried for the first time in a very long time...every time a song came on that we listened together to...tv shows that we seen...everything reminded me of her. I left a freaking softball game because of how bad I played because I was being a pillowbiter. So, I called/texted/emailed her trying to work things out...I regretted that decision ever since I left. She got upset and was a bitch on the phone. I was an ass to her back.

Last Sunday, I went to her house to get my stuff. We talked for a few minutes and I thought things would be alright. We planned on going out for dinner later in the week. So, thinking things were better and since I didn't get a chance to talk to her about things, I emailed her. I knew she was busy with her mom later that day, which is why I chose that route. She never responded. I texted her the next morning when I got off work like I normally did wishing her a good day etc. Nothing. I called Tuesday...didn't answer. WTF??!! Things were alright...right? So...I emailed her at work. She called, bitched me out. Basically saying not to bring her personal life to work etc etc. The email wasn't bad at all...not sure what this was about. I responded very badly and told her basically to kick rocks. She told me that basically she lied to me the whole time about her feelings for me and led me on. While I know it's not true...it was mean to say it. Ouch.

After letting that settle in for a few days, I didn't want it to end like this. We had shared so much over the last 3+ months that I didn't want to leave it with us basically hating each other. So, I went to her house to drop off the rest of her stuff (used that as an excuse). We ended up talking for 3 1/2 hours. It went REALLY well. I gave her a massage...talked and watched her dog that once loved me...stare me down and growl at me. She gave me a huge long hug which she wouldn't let go when I tried to pull away early. I looked at her and kissed her forehead. Then I said goodbye. She said she needed more than 2 days to cool off from our last conversation...and would call me when she figures a few things out.

Who knows how it will turn out...I won't go back to how it was...but I do want her in my life.

[ClevelandBronco]

Originally Posted by jaa1025

When we first started dating, it was understandable. I might not have liked it...but I understood it. She said, "whats wrong with me going out with some random guy to get a free meal?" All 5 guys were either married, stood her up or complete douche bags. After about 3-4 weeks, she stopped dating other guys. For the last month and a half, nothing. Then once she said that she loved me and I asked her about it...she freaked out, pulled away and went on a date.

Games are for high schoolers, I'm not playing games to get her attention. Which is why I ended it. I'm way passed the point with her of this. We wanted the same thing(she told me as such) with each other but she said she just wasn't ready yet...

Stay strong within your vision of yourself. Sometimes that has to be a man's Alamo.

[jaa1025]

Originally Posted by PastorMikH

Honestly, if she comes back on your terms, and you do get beyond the dating around, it's only a matter of time before she reverts back. She's not ready to settle down yet. You can work on her emotions and she might do it, but if she isn't ready, she'll grow to resent the chains of relationship and revert back to her past desired behavior. By then you'll have grown even stronger feelings towards her and instead of being bummed out, you'll be devestated.

Let her go. If, like HMc says 6 mos- year from now she comes back and you are still available, then see what happens. Until then, see what developes elsewhere.

Yeah, your probably right there. She's never really dated though. Since highschool, she's been in 3 long (year + relationships) and this last one, they almost got married. The guy was a douche bag and treated her like crap....kicked her out a few times, lied all the time, saw other women. She got fed up and left him in January. She told me that she was scared that I would be a rebound and that's one reason why she didn't want a relationship.

[HMc]

Originally Posted by DaneMcCloud

JFC.

Dude, turn and run the other way. JFC.

Not only does she sound like a mess, any chick that's dating five different guys, including married men, is absolutely NOT anyone that you want to be with, EVER.

If she's crossing that line now, there's a 99% chance she'll cross it again.

It's just not worth your time.

For the 100th time, MOVE ON.

Sorry the thread wasn't locked after your first reply Dane.

Perhaps he just wants to talk about it some more? Feel free to piss off out of this thread if you're unhappy with your hollwood worldly advice not being lapped up above everyone else's.

[jaa1025]

Originally Posted by DaneMcCloud

JFC.

Dude, turn and run the other way. JFC.

Not only does she sound like a mess, any chick that's dating five different guys, including married men, is absolutely NOT anyone that you want to be with, EVER.

If she's crossing that line now, there's a 99% chance she'll cross it again.

It's just not worth your time.

For the 100th time, MOVE ON.

To her fairness, when they went out on a first and only date...he had told her that they were seperated and getting a divorce. When they were at dinner, it was a different story...she couldn't get out of their fast enough because she doesn't believe in that.

The 5 guys weren't all at once...she'd actually only went out with two once each. The guy above that ended up being married and some guy from Lawrence. He just wanted one thing and was pissed that he didn't get it. The other 3 stood her up or were asses to her on the phone. That was it for the first 3-4 weeks. I have no problem when you first start dating to date other people. And they were 1st dates, so it's not like there was anything going on.

It's 3+ months after that she wants to date that was unacceptable.

[DaneMcCloud]

Originally Posted by HMc

Sorry the thread wasn't locked after your first reply Dane.

Perhaps he just wants to talk about it some more? Feel free to piss off out of this thread if you're unhappy with your hollwood worldly advice not being lapped up above everyone else's.

You're a real ****ing dick. But what else is new?

You're comments in these threads about my comments are soooooo ****ing insightful. Thanks

Obsess much?

[DaneMcCloud]

Originally Posted by jaa1025

To her fairness, when they went out on a first and only date...he had told her that they were seperated and getting a divorce. When they were at dinner, it was a different story...she couldn't get out of their fast enough because she doesn't believe in that.

The 5 guys weren't all at once...she'd actually only went out with two once each. The guy above that ended up being married and some guy from Lawrence. He just wanted one thing and was pissed that he didn't get it. The other 3 stood her up or were asses to her on the phone. That was it for the first 3-4 weeks. I have no problem when you first start dating to date other people. And they were 1st dates, so it's not like there was anything going on.

It's 3+ months after that she wants to date that was unacceptable.

Dude, I have nothing more to add. You've been given great advice on this thread and it's up to you as to which course of action to take.

Best of luck and I hope it works out to your benefit.

[HMc]

Er, it aint me sending you pm's and neg rep, champion.

[jaa1025]

Originally Posted by HMc

Sorry the thread wasn't locked after your first reply Dane.

Perhaps he just wants to talk about it some more? Feel free to piss off out of this thread if you're unhappy with your hollwood worldly advice not being lapped up above everyone else's.

Yeah...I needed more than just to hear the words "move on". Thanks. I needed why I should, what I should do, how I should do it etc...the OTHER replies have helped. I know what I need to do...which WAS summed up by move on.

1) Stop initiating contact.
2) if/when she contact me, don't act like a pussy...act like I'm doing ok...busy with "friends" and contact her later.
3) Talk, but take control of the situation. Things CAN'T go back to how they were...my terms.
4) GET OVER IT and MOVE ON. I'm not going to wait for these calls/texts anymore. I'm doing much better since Tuesday and even better with the help from a Chiefs forum believe it or not. I won't let it bother me if she doesn't.

[DaneMcCloud]

Originally Posted by HMc

Er, it aint me sending you pm's and neg rep, champion.

No, I sent them because you're a butt**** who continues to embarrass himself (not only with poor grammar and spelling) but because you feel the need to criticize me, instead of focusing on the topic at hand.

Put me on ignore if you don't like me or my comments.

Or would that leave you with nothing to add?

[DaneMcCloud]

Originally Posted by jaa1025

Yeah...I needed more than just to hear the words "move on". Thanks. I needed why I should, what I should do, how I should do it etc...the OTHER replies have helped. I know what I need to do...which WAS summed up by move on.

If that's all you got from my posts then I've clearly wasted my time.

Good luck to you.

[jaa1025]

I will make sure I come back to this thread if I do hear from her.

[ClevelandBronco]

Originally Posted by PastorMikH

Honestly, if she comes back on your terms, and you do get beyond the dating around, it's only a matter of time before she reverts back. She's not ready to settle down yet. You can work on her emotions and she might do it, but if she isn't ready, she'll grow to resent the chains of relationship and revert back to her past desired behavior. By then you'll have grown even stronger feelings towards her and instead of being bummed out, you'll be devestated.

Let her go. If, like HMc says 6 mos- year from now she comes back and you are still available, then see what happens. Until then, see what developes elsewhere.

Originally Posted by jaa1025

To her fairness, when they went out on a first and only date...he had told her that they were seperated and getting a divorce. When they were at dinner, it was a different story...she couldn't get out of their fast enough because she doesn't believe in that.

The 5 guys weren't all at once...she'd actually only went out with two once each. The guy above that ended up being married and some guy from Lawrence. He just wanted one thing and was pissed that he didn't get it. The other 3 stood her up or were asses to her on the phone. That was it for the first 3-4 weeks. I have no problem when you first start dating to date other people. And they were 1st dates, so it's not like there was anything going on.

It's 3+ months after that she wants to date that was unacceptable.

I've changed my mind entirely. Have a good time with her. I'm sure she'll be a fine life partner for you, because I'm convinced that she brought up all this shit because it perfectly true, and she had your best interests in mind.

The 3+ months is actually very accommodating. You have time to test her blood and wait to hear whether she's toxic.

She's sounding like a better and better prize with each of your posts.

Perhaps I should have caught on before now.

You really had me going...

[DaneMcCloud]

Originally Posted by ClevelandBronco

I've changed my mind entirely. Have a good time with her. I'm sure she'll be a fine life partner for you, because I'm convinced that she brought up all this shit because it perfectly true, and she had your best interests in mind.

The 3+ months is actually very accommodating. You have time to test her blood and wait to hear whether she's toxic.

She's sounding like a better and better prize with each of your posts.

Perhaps I should have caught on before now.

You really had me going...

Right on.

[ClevelandBronco]

Originally Posted by DaneMcCloud

If that's all you got from my posts then I've clearly wasted my time.

Good luck to you.

It appears to be a joke thread. I bit on it.

[HMc]

Originally Posted by DaneMcCloud

No, I sent them because you're butt**** who continues to embarrass himself (not only with poor grammar and spelling) but because you feel the need to criticize me, instead of focusing on the topic at hand.

Put me on ignore if you don't like me or my comments.

Or would that leave you with nothing to add?

Superstar, i've actually offerred more practical advice than you in this thread. I think thats reflected by the post above yours that confirms my suspicion - he wanted more than just JFC DUDE MOVE ON!!!!1111zomg

As for criticizing you, I said I thought what you said was bullshit. I'm sorry for swearing, although you've clearly no problem with that, considering your own prolific use of profanity.

There was also a post of yours that i said i agreed with, FTR.