OT-Broken Heart?!

[jaa1025]

EDIT: Holy Shit I was a pussy!

Anyways, this bitch texted me 4 years later last night. "oops, that was to the wrong JXXXXX...anyways how are you". She's married now for 5 months but wants to get together to hook up. Says that the sex was great and missed it. Apparently she's a swinger and her husband is cool with it. Part of me wants to do it because the sex was great but I have moral issues.

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How the F*** do you fix this stupid thing? Hope for lightning to strike you or a tornado to take you away??

I figured becoming a man slut and sleeping with every random girl that I could would help, but I'd probably end up regretting that somehow.

How the F*** do you fix this stupid thing? Hope for lightning to strike you or a tornado to take you away??

I figured becoming a man slut and sleeping with every random girl that I could would help, but I'd probably end up regretting that somehow.

Summery of the happenings.

Jane Doe and I dated for a little over 3 months. She's beautiful, sweet and we both really liked (loved) each other. She has one hang up though....she's confused about what she wants. She "wants a relationship, but isn't ready...and won't be for a long time". She "love's" me, but that didn't change her wanting to date other people. She was in a long relationship, year and a half and was engaged that ended in January. She was afraid I would be the rebound guy.

About 2 months into it...she told me that she loved me. Now, she was drinking, but alcohol doesn't change feelings in my opinion...it might make you say things that you normally won't when you are sober. Things were going VERY well until then. Once that was said, it freaked her out. She kept maintaining though that she didn't want a relationship throughout this. She hadn't dated anyone else since the first few weeks of us dating, but again down hill...she went out on a few dates. Specifically, it later came out that she had started hanging out with her next door neighbor and kissed him. In fact, her roommate had been out of town the last week we were dating and she had asked me to stay with her because she doesn't like to be alone...I worked...she slept on the neighbors "couch" instead.

So...I wanted to talk to her about the direction we were headed. She started pulling away, I started to give her space. I wasn't there when she called me and didn't text her back right away...this happened for a week. She stopped calling me baby and a lot of little 'pet names' that she had been calling me. Sex, which used to happen at least once a day...didn't happen the last week.

Tuesday, the 20th, I went over to her house to talk. I told her that I didn't like the direction that we were going. She told me that I had started acting weird. I explained that I noticed that she had started to pull away as I was giving her space and I didn't like that. I asked her if she had been dating anyone else and she said no...not really. I asked her about her neighbor, she said no, but they had been hanging out and they had kissed. I told her that I wanted more and I knew she couldn't do it and I told her that I couldn't do this anymore....and left.

Unfortunately...as some here have pointed out...I left my balls there. I cried for the first time in a very long time...every time a song came on that we listened together to...tv shows that we seen...everything reminded me of her. I left a freaking softball game because of how bad I played because I was being a pillowbiter. So, I called/texted/emailed her trying to work things out...I regretted that decision ever since I left. She got upset and was a bitch on the phone. I was an ass to her back.

Last Sunday, I went to her house to get my stuff. We talked for a few minutes and I thought things would be alright. We planned on going out for dinner later in the week. So, thinking things were better and since I didn't get a chance to talk to her about things, I emailed her. I knew she was busy with her mom later that day, which is why I chose that route. She never responded. I texted her the next morning when I got off work like I normally did wishing her a good day etc. Nothing. I called Tuesday...didn't answer. WTF??!! Things were alright...right? So...I emailed her at work. She called, bitched me out. Basically saying not to bring her personal life to work etc etc. The email wasn't bad at all...not sure what this was about. I responded very badly and told her basically to kick rocks. She told me that basically she lied to me the whole time about her feelings for me and led me on. While I know it's not true...it was mean to say it. Ouch.

After letting that settle in for a few days, I didn't want it to end like this. We had shared so much over the last 3+ months that I didn't want to leave it with us basically hating each other. So, I went to her house to drop off the rest of her stuff (used that as an excuse). We ended up talking for 3 1/2 hours. It went REALLY well. I gave her a massage...talked and watched her dog that once loved me...stare me down and growl at me. She gave me a huge long hug which she wouldn't let go when I tried to pull away early. I looked at her and kissed her forehead. Then I said goodbye. She said she needed more than 2 days to cool off from our last conversation...and would call me when she figures a few things out.

Who knows how it will turn out...I won't go back to how it was...but I do want her in my life.

[Sully]

I gotta tell you, last night when I was just scanning through this thread, I guess I missed some of the finer points.
She still wanted to date other people?
She kissed another guy?
You are not okay with this?



...yeah...
...in that case, walk away until the terms are more along the lines of what you want.

[KCUnited]

Wow, the married guys for a free meal thing changed everything. Sounds like you lucked out in breaking it off with her when you did. This chick sounds like a mess, you can't be CaptainSaveAHo.

[Extra Point]

[Demonpenz]

damnit dude. Man up. You aren't in africa with flies around your head. Go get a 22 oz of miller and go outside. It's just a furry box not life or death

[Fish]

Originally Posted by jaa1025

To her fairness, when they went out on a first and only date...he had told her that they were seperated and getting a divorce. When they were at dinner, it was a different story...she couldn't get out of their fast enough because she doesn't believe in that.

The 5 guys weren't all at once...she'd actually only went out with two once each. The guy above that ended up being married and some guy from Lawrence. He just wanted one thing and was pissed that he didn't get it. The other 3 stood her up or were asses to her on the phone. That was it for the first 3-4 weeks. I have no problem when you first start dating to date other people. And they were 1st dates, so it's not like there was anything going on.

It's 3+ months after that she wants to date that was unacceptable.

You're making excuses to justify her behavior. The fact that she has a "come on, it's just a random date for a free meal" attitude should be all you need to know about where she sees the future of the relationship. You two are on totally different levels.

This will never work. Face it. Swallow the heartache. Move on. Nothing in the world that you can do to change that. And quit worrying about what you may or may not have done "wrong".

Move on.

[Demonpenz]

Dude grab a papst and hang out with me in KC. We can sit by the bug zapper

[jaa1025]

Wow...i'm such an idiot. I'm over it now.

She just called me. And said, "Are you trying to piss me off?"...(Wrote her a letter on nice letter head explaining my feelings in a manly way).

Balls in hand, I demanded her to explain herself.

She basically told me that she lied to me the whole time and she didn't mean "I love you" and all that BS and used me just to have sex.

She told me that my friends warned me not to get involved and I did. My one friend that knows her did advise me to "hit it and quit it" because she was messed up in the head and didn't know what she wanted.

Should have listened to him.

Now, I don't believe what she told me there because I know she had feelings...i'm not naive. But now I question everything else she told me and I think she IS messed up in the head. I wish her on no one. Regardless...I'm done with her. She can kick rocks.

[Demonpenz]

It's only later that you reflect and realize what a fool you were. I remember I used to like this girl. Girl Mcgee was her name. And boy she took me down the wrong road many a times. I almost lost my trans am in the deal

[Joe Seahawk]

Someday you'll look back on this and thank your lucky stars you didn't marry this girl..

good luck.

[sedated]

give her a link to this thread and have her post.

[Sully]

Wow.
Sounds like a classy girl.

[Rausch]

Originally Posted by Demonpenz

Dude grab a papst and hang out with me in KC. We can sit by the bug zapper

That does sound like a good time. I need to get me one of those...

[Demonpenz]

haha. Jeff city is a good place to hang out by the bug zapper

[Rausch]

Originally Posted by Joe Seahawk

Someday you'll look back on this and thank your lucky stars you didn't marry this girl..

good luck.

Right about now's when I'd start feeling real generous. Yup, think it's time to give some blood and...uh...see what happens...

[Amnorix]

It's always a good time to pull this one out. Here's a "let's get back together" letter you can use as a model.


"Dear Susan:

I know the counsellor said we shouldn't contact each other during our
"cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I
swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little
boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make
contact.

In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I
guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot
of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about
looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as
one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our
hurt. And this is what my heart says...

"There's no one like you, Susan." I look for you in the eyes and breasts
of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two
weeks ago, I met this girl at Ithaca Bar and brought her home with me. I
don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my
desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies
that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I
mean, just a perfect body. Jugs you wouldn't believe and an ass like a
tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch
being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made
important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect
body mean?

Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see
what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a
better heart than my moderately attractive Susan? I doubt it. And I'd
never really thought of that before. I Don't know, maybe I'm just
growing up a little.

Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I
found myself thinking, "why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't
just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but
something else. Some ****ling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so
incomplete? And then it hit me.

It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Susan, to watch. Do
you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Susan,
I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of
you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met in Upper Side last year?
Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she
figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what
she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a
few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're banging away in
our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's
giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not
hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us.
And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's
old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we
can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too.
'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Susan ever put the mirror on
the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never
used it as a sex aid."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I
mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on
her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time.

She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in
general. She’s pulling for us to get back together, Susan, She really
is. So we're drinking in a hot bath and talking about happier times.
Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is
think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just
about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole
anal thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured
you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness
between us.

But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby
sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, Susan.
In your heart you know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just
wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can.

If you feel the same please, please, please let me know, otherwise, can
you let me know where the remote control is?

John"