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11-5, baby
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Livin the dream
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Why Monogamy is Ridiculous
http://bigthink.com/ideas/24738
Dan Savage: Yeah, absolutely we need to rethink love and commitment. You know 60 years ago was when we decided that men had to be monogamous too. Men were not monogamous. For all of recorded human history men had concubines and whores, and 60 years ago straight relationships began to become more egalitarian and it was less of a property transaction—a marriage had been a property transaction for most of recorded human history—and it became a union of two equals. And at that moment instead of deciding to allow women to have the same sort of freedom and leeway that men did we decided to let men have the same limitations, impose the same limitations what women had and we put monogamous sexual commitment at the heart of all relationships, all long-term commitments, all marriages and we have watched. We should now be able to recognize the consequences of that, which are a lot of short-term relationships, a lot of divorce. Because monogamy is ridiculous and people aren’t any good at it. We’re not wired for it. We didn’t evolve to be. It’s unnatural and it places a tremendous strain on our marriages and our long-term commitments to expect them to be effortlessly monogamous. Because what we said is "If you’re in love you shouldn’t... you won’t want to have sex with anybody else and what we need to tell people is that if you’re in love you can make a monogamous commitment and you will refrain from having sex with other people, but you will still desperately want to f**k the shit out of other people." But people understand love means I don’t want to f**k other people because of these misconceptions pumped into people’s heads about romance, love and what it means. And so they meet somebody else that they’re attracted to and they’re attracted to this other person. They go "Well, I must not be in love with my partner anymore otherwise I wouldn’t be attracted to this person." Or they feel threatened when their partners are attracted to other people because it makes them feel insecure and we just need to get passed that and we talk about monogamy the way we talk about virginity, that you’re monogamous until you f**k somebody else and they’re you’re not. You’ve ruined it. You popped your monogamy hymen and destroyed your monogamous relationship. We need to talk about monogamy the way we talk about sobriety, which you can be monogamous and fall off the wagon and then sober back up. You can monogamous back up and get back on the wagon. And the truth of the matter is that if you’re with somebody for 40, 50 years and they only cheated on you a few times they were good at being monogamous, not bad at being monogamous. They were good at it. So I do think there needs to be some leeway. And a lot of really good loving relationships are destroyed because somebody wants a little variety or isn’t getting a need met and feels they have to step out and it explodes the relationship. I'm conservative. I think that we should do what we can to preserve marriages and long-term relationships, and one way to do that is to encourage people to have more realistic attitudes about sexual exclusivity. |
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#16 |
Say hello to my little friend
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Larryville
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The simple solution is don't get married.
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Posts: 47,314
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#17 | |
MVP
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Liberty, MO
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#18 |
"You like to drink?"
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: "I like to drink."
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Thread is gradually gaining burst.
... So let me kill it. I told my ex girlfriend monogamy is a failed concept. She didn't appreciate that too much.
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Chiefs 2016 Opponents: Home: JAX, TEN, NO, TB, NYJ. Away: HOU, IND, ATL, CAR, PIT Chiefs 2017 Opponents: Home: BUF, MIA, PHI, WSH, AFC North. Away: NE, NYJ, NYG, DAL, AFC South |
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#19 |
Supporter
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Tucson, AZ
Casino cash: $9817493
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A huge part of monogamy is deliberately limiting your opportunity. If you choose not to deliberately limit your opportunity, you are choosing to fail and monogamy. It's not hard. If you choose not to try, that's your thing.
If you always go out to the bar with friends instead of going home to your wife and kids, you are choosing to make monogamy hard. While you are out at the bar, if you choose to be your buddy's "wingman", you are choosing to make monogamy hard. While you are wingman, if you choose to engage in flirting, you are choosing to make monogamy hard. You can choose not to do any of those things, and that make monogamy easy. |
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#20 |
Mama Tried
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Missouri
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Ive never cheated. Ever.
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True Son of Liberty |
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#21 |
Supporter
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Tucson, AZ
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#22 | |
Supporter
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Tucson, AZ
Casino cash: $9817493
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#23 |
MVP
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Liberty, MO
Casino cash: $794112
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Me either. Doesn't mean the oportunity hasn't been there. I have a buddy or two that cheat on their wives all the time. Not my thing, but I understand how it happens. I agree that it is easiest to just not put myself in those situations. I've always said, I already have one woman griping and telling me what to do, why would I want another?
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#24 |
Hey Loochy, I'm hooome!
Join Date: Oct 2008
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I really like the way you think.
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Hey Loochy, I'm hoooome! ![]() |
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#25 |
"Think BOOM!"
Join Date: Nov 2003
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I told my wife about this. She didn't agree.
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I think the young people enjoy it when I "get down," verbally, don't you? |
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#26 | |
11-5, baby
Join Date: Sep 2005
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#27 |
Manning, we're coming for you!
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Springfield, Mo
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Sorry if you can't be monogamous then don't get married. Don't be freaking surprised though when the husband/boyfriend of some girl you nailed comes knocking down your door. If we "de-evolved" our selves by going back to just openly nailing whoever, we'd also be inviting the savagery (pun intended) that inevitably comes along with it. If this is more a pro-prostitution stance, then I say let the states decide.
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Can we please just draft AND DEVELOP a QB - est. since 1983 Check out my band: Truett and the Traitors |
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#28 |
MVP
Join Date: Sep 2005
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Keep it in ya pants .. then ya can't dance .....
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** WR or S please** |
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#29 |
In Search of a Life
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#30 |
Banded
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Oz
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Dumb.
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Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple words: I do not know. |
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