Misc Why Monogamy is Ridiculous - Page 5

Skyy God · 01-26-2011, 11:09 AM

http://bigthink.com/ideas/24738

Dan Savage: Yeah, absolutely we need to rethink love and commitment. You know 60 years ago was when we decided that men had to be monogamous too. Men were not monogamous. For all of recorded human history men had concubines and whores, and 60 years ago straight relationships began to become more egalitarian and it was less of a property transaction—a marriage had been a property transaction for most of recorded human history—and it became a union of two equals. And at that moment instead of deciding to allow women to have the same sort of freedom and leeway that men did we decided to let men have the same limitations, impose the same limitations what women had and we put monogamous sexual commitment at the heart of all relationships, all long-term commitments, all marriages and we have watched.

We should now be able to recognize the consequences of that, which are a lot of short-term relationships, a lot of divorce. Because monogamy is ridiculous and people aren’t any good at it. We’re not wired for it. We didn’t evolve to be. It’s unnatural and it places a tremendous strain on our marriages and our long-term commitments to expect them to be effortlessly monogamous. Because what we said is "If you’re in love you shouldn’t... you won’t want to have sex with anybody else and what we need to tell people is that if you’re in love you can make a monogamous commitment and you will refrain from having sex with other people, but you will still desperately want to f**k the shit out of other people." But people understand love means I don’t want to f**k other people because of these misconceptions pumped into people’s heads about romance, love and what it means. And so they meet somebody else that they’re attracted to and they’re attracted to this other person. They go "Well, I must not be in love with my partner anymore otherwise I wouldn’t be attracted to this person." Or they feel threatened when their partners are attracted to other people because it makes them feel insecure and we just need to get passed that and we talk about monogamy the way we talk about virginity, that you’re monogamous until you f**k somebody else and they’re you’re not. You’ve ruined it. You popped your monogamy hymen and destroyed your monogamous relationship.

We need to talk about monogamy the way we talk about sobriety, which you can be monogamous and fall off the wagon and then sober back up. You can monogamous back up and get back on the wagon. And the truth of the matter is that if you’re with somebody for 40, 50 years and they only cheated on you a few times they were good at being monogamous, not bad at being monogamous. They were good at it. So I do think there needs to be some leeway. And a lot of really good loving relationships are destroyed because somebody wants a little variety or isn’t getting a need met and feels they have to step out and it explodes the relationship. I'm conservative. I think that we should do what we can to preserve marriages and long-term relationships, and one way to do that is to encourage people to have more realistic attitudes about sexual exclusivity.

DTLB58 · 01-26-2011, 12:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RedNFeisty

I'd be damn if I'm going to sit in the cave taking care of junior and not get some strange myself if hubby is out getting it.

Once all is said and done, it really isn't difficult to be monogamous. The laws of attraction are always in play, it is just a matter of will power. Some people are just weaker then others in that department.

Generally, people are only as strong as their options. The fewer the options, the more monogamous they are. Sad, but true.

I think she nailed it.

**Rausch** · 01-26-2011, 01:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brock

Masturbation makes marriage possible.

This.

RedNFeisty · 01-26-2011, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DTLB58

I think she nailed it.

I'm a smart cookie.

tooge · 01-26-2011, 01:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by suzzer99

So conversely we should promote monogamy now since there are already way too damn many people in the world, right?

yes. I'm not saying monogamy is wrong, I am saying that there is a reason that polygamy sounds so great to so many people, and that reason is that we are wired that way.

RedNFeisty · 01-26-2011, 01:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tooge

yes. I'm not saying monogamy is wrong, I am saying that there is a reason that polygamy sounds so great to so many people, and that reason is that we are wired that way.

I disagree that we are "wired" that way. It is greed plain and simple. People want to have their cake and eat it too.

Frazod · 01-26-2011, 01:32 PM

At this point, I've developed an Al Bundy philosophy towards women. The last thing I need is another one of the damned things driving me crazy.

Brock · 01-26-2011, 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RedNFeisty

I disagree that we are "wired" that way. It is greed plain and simple. People want to have their cake and eat it too.

No, there is a biological component to it.

**luv** · 01-26-2011, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brock

No, there is a biological component to it.

Just shows the differences between men and women.

RedNFeisty · 01-26-2011, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brock

No, there is a biological component to it.

Even if there is a biological component to it, it can still be by passed. People have become accustomed to having what they want, when they want it, and will settle for nothing less. A persons mentality is what will make or break a marriage.

RedNFeisty · 01-26-2011, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luv

Just shows the differences between men and women.

Women are no different.

**Bugeater** · 01-26-2011, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Art Vader

eh... everybody **** everybody

HELL YES! ****FEST 2011!

Mr. Plow · 01-26-2011, 01:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bugeater

HELL YES! ****FEST 2011!

Can we get confirmation from Joe if this next year's Bash theme?

threebag · 01-26-2011, 01:43 PM

one dick, one chick

Thig Lyfe · 01-26-2011, 01:50 PM

I think Dan Savage's point isn't that the world should be a free-for-all ****fest. What he's really saying is that people in monogamous relationships should be more open with their partners about their needs and whether they're being fulfilled, and whether it's necessary for either partner to search for solutions to those needs outside of the relationship. If people in marriages were more open about stuff like who they're attracted to and whether they have had a desire to "cheat" -- and more importantly, if people kept an open mind when being told about these things, keeping in mind the fact that monogamy isn't a natural state -- then the marriages would last longer and end up stronger in the long run. It's ultimately about communication.

FAX · 01-26-2011, 01:55 PM

****ing is an Austrian village[3] in the municipality of Tarsdorf,[4] in the Innviertel region of western Upper Austria. The village is 33 kilometres (21 mi) north of Salzburg, 4 kilometres (2.5 mi) east of the German border.

Despite having a population of only 104, the village has become famous for its name in the English-speaking world. Its road signs are a popular visitor attraction, and were often stolen by souvenir-hunting tourists until 2005, when they were modified to be theft-resistant.

Etymology

It is believed that the settlement was founded in the 6th century by Focko, a Bavarian nobleman. The existence of the village was documented for the first time in 1070 and historical records show that some twenty years later the lord was Adalpertus de Fucingin. The spelling of the name has evolved over the years; it is first recorded in historical sources with the spelling as Vucchingen in 1070, Fukching in 1303,[5] Fugkhing in 1532, and in the modern spelling ****ing in the 18th century,[6] which is pronounced with the vowel oo as in book.[2] The ending -ing is an old Germanic suffix indicating the people belonging to the root word to which it is attached, such as in the English word earthling; thus ****ing means "(place of) Focko’s people."[7]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/****ing,_Austria

FAX

01-26-2011, 11:09 AM
Skyy God 11-5, baby Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Livin the dream Casino cash: $2191557	Why Monogamy is Ridiculous http://bigthink.com/ideas/24738 Dan Savage: Yeah, absolutely we need to rethink love and commitment. You know 60 years ago was when we decided that men had to be monogamous too. Men were not monogamous. For all of recorded human history men had concubines and whores, and 60 years ago straight relationships began to become more egalitarian and it was less of a property transaction—a marriage had been a property transaction for most of recorded human history—and it became a union of two equals. And at that moment instead of deciding to allow women to have the same sort of freedom and leeway that men did we decided to let men have the same limitations, impose the same limitations what women had and we put monogamous sexual commitment at the heart of all relationships, all long-term commitments, all marriages and we have watched. We should now be able to recognize the consequences of that, which are a lot of short-term relationships, a lot of divorce. Because monogamy is ridiculous and people aren’t any good at it. We’re not wired for it. We didn’t evolve to be. It’s unnatural and it places a tremendous strain on our marriages and our long-term commitments to expect them to be effortlessly monogamous. Because what we said is "If you’re in love you shouldn’t... you won’t want to have sex with anybody else and what we need to tell people is that if you’re in love you can make a monogamous commitment and you will refrain from having sex with other people, but you will still desperately want to fk the shit out of other people." But people understand love means I don’t want to fk other people because of these misconceptions pumped into people’s heads about romance, love and what it means. And so they meet somebody else that they’re attracted to and they’re attracted to this other person. They go "Well, I must not be in love with my partner anymore otherwise I wouldn’t be attracted to this person." Or they feel threatened when their partners are attracted to other people because it makes them feel insecure and we just need to get passed that and we talk about monogamy the way we talk about virginity, that you’re monogamous until you f**k somebody else and they’re you’re not. You’ve ruined it. You popped your monogamy hymen and destroyed your monogamous relationship. We need to talk about monogamy the way we talk about sobriety, which you can be monogamous and fall off the wagon and then sober back up. You can monogamous back up and get back on the wagon. And the truth of the matter is that if you’re with somebody for 40, 50 years and they only cheated on you a few times they were good at being monogamous, not bad at being monogamous. They were good at it. So I do think there needs to be some leeway. And a lot of really good loving relationships are destroyed because somebody wants a little variety or isn’t getting a need met and feels they have to step out and it explodes the relationship. I'm conservative. I think that we should do what we can to preserve marriages and long-term relationships, and one way to do that is to encourage people to have more realistic attitudes about sexual exclusivity.
Posts: 22,416

01-26-2011, 01:32 PM	#66
Frazod Did you hear what I said? Join Date: Aug 2000 Casino cash: $-576615	At this point, I've developed an Al Bundy philosophy towards women. The last thing I need is another one of the damned things driving me crazy.
Posts: 121,713

01-26-2011, 01:43 PM	#73
threebag Snacks Are Under My Apron Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: The Edge Casino cash: $-902380	one dick, one chick __________________ Smells like Up Dog in here. RIP HayWire Greatest Almost Mod Ever
Posts: 26,167

01-26-2011, 01:50 PM	#74
Thig Lyfe Banned Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Thigpen's America Casino cash: $10004900	I think Dan Savage's point isn't that the world should be a free-for-all ****fest. What he's really saying is that people in monogamous relationships should be more open with their partners about their needs and whether they're being fulfilled, and whether it's necessary for either partner to search for solutions to those needs outside of the relationship. If people in marriages were more open about stuff like who they're attracted to and whether they have had a desire to "cheat" -- and more importantly, if people kept an open mind when being told about these things, keeping in mind the fact that monogamy isn't a natural state -- then the marriages would last longer and end up stronger in the long run. It's ultimately about communication.
Posts: 25,680

01-26-2011, 01:55 PM	#75
FAX testing ... 1, 2, 3 Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Tennessee Casino cash: $6753759	**ing is an Austrian village[3] in the municipality of Tarsdorf,[4] in the Innviertel region of western Upper Austria. The village is 33 kilometres (21 mi) north of Salzburg, 4 kilometres (2.5 mi) east of the German border. Despite having a population of only 104, the village has become famous for its name in the English-speaking world. Its road signs are a popular visitor attraction, and were often stolen by souvenir-hunting tourists until 2005, when they were modified to be theft-resistant. Etymology It is believed that the settlement was founded in the 6th century by Focko, a Bavarian nobleman. The existence of the village was documented for the first time in 1070 and historical records show that some twenty years later the lord was Adalpertus de Fucingin. The spelling of the name has evolved over the years; it is first recorded in historical sources with the spelling as Vucchingen in 1070, Fukching in 1303,[5] Fugkhing in 1532, and in the modern spelling ing in the 18th century,[6] which is pronounced with the vowel oo as in book.[2] The ending -ing is an old Germanic suffix indicating the people belonging to the root word to which it is attached, such as in the English word earthling; thus ing means "(place of) Focko’s people."[7] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/**ing,_Austria FAX
Posts: 44,492